Holiday Hangover...

I feel as though Christmas came, went, and now we're all doing the holiday walk of shame.
The last week was a whirlwind of work, holiday parties, and a few headaches that may or may not have been self-induced.  Yes, I tend to stress myself out....add a major holiday in there and you're practically pouring gas on the fire.
But I survived.
My Christmas morning started with a jog.  A cold ass jog.
It was 27 degrees when I left the house, and it literally took me 3 miles just to "warm-up" and remotely feel my face...sort of.  At that point the only reason I needed to be covered in dry-fit gear was in case I wet myself without knowing.
Yes, there was a 82% chance of that happening.  All I could think about was how cold I was...and how horrible it felt to start....and baby Jesus.  WWJD?? 
Not. This.
Not running in weather that begged for a snuggie, a couch, and Sleepless in Seattle.  If you hate that movie you are lying.  You love it.  Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks have been making out since the early 90's and every time its PG and its awesome.  Period.

Back to my Christmas,...
After I regained feeling in my face, and 7+ miles later, I was ready to face my day.  No pun intended.
I finished wrapping gifts and loaded the car to head to the Parker house.  My trunk was a Christmas nightmare...

Yes, I do the big bows.  I like it.  Its festive.
...And, well, I discovered a few years ago that Oscar is not intelligent enough to decipher thin ribbon from actual grass.
Idiot.
So I'm not trying to spend a holiday extracting ribbon from my cat's anus.  Been there.  Done that.  Still traumatized.

It was off to the Parker house later that day.
Of course Sparkles and her side kick were in rare holiday form...

Mom was so excited she couldn't stand it.
No she didn't take that hat off the entire night.
We had a blast between dinner, gifts, and the bakery that Payton and Haven were running to ensure we all had our fare share of sugar that night...

Their understanding of "sanitary" and "portion control" was slightly off.  Pretty sure I ate the cookie Payton licked in picture 1,...and left with diabetes from the sprinkle-infested cookie Haven constructed in picture 2...

What a night...
We opened gifts, laughed until it hurt, and had constant entertainment from all parties involved.  I laughed at my brother as I watched him open an old storage box from his childhood.  See, mom is at this stage in life where in an effort to clean out crap from their house, she cleverly disguises it as a sentimental Christmas gift....when in reality, its like a yardsale item you didn't want...topped with a bow...and a smile from mom...
No turning back.  You take it like a champ.
So I laughed at David until I opened my own.  Dammit.
It was full of old beanie babies (whoever invented those should drown in them), and writings from when I was younger.  I had a cricket journal, a portrait of myself that resembled ET, and a few stories about missing children.
Yeah,..slightly disturbing...
Thank you mom.
All I wanted for Christmas was clutter from my past.
Awesome.   When you hit my college years, you wrap up everything and burn it.

...I give her a hard time, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't save all that stuff and spend more than a few minutes laughing at my perspective on life at the age of 8.  The world was simply not ready...

Well, I am about to hit the bed and prepare for a few days of vacation...CRAZY.
I might live life on the edge and sleep until 7....whoa...easy killa.
I'll leave you with a few more Christmas pics...

Breast Milk and Coffee...

I won't even try and justify the amount of coffee I consumed today.
It was somewhere between too-much and illegal, but I was one head nod away from a face plant and saw no other way.
Thus, I refilled my mug more times than should probably be allowed in a 13 hour span.
And yes, I will still sleep like a baby.
Minus wetting the bed,....but none of us are above that at any age, so don't get cocky about it...

What a day.
To be the day before Christmas Eve, I was pretty impressed with folks' dedication to get in the gym.  Yes, there are a million excuses to come up with and endless holiday stuff to do, but at some point its about making the time.  Selfish or not, (totally perspective), its important.  Period.
And even if some of those who came did it simply to get out of the house to escape family guest, no judgement.  I was keeping you from either a panic attack or jail time. 
You're welcome.
Happy holidays.

It was a busy weekend with friends, some family, more friends, and coffee....with friends.  I say that like I have endless friends....I don't.  Only about 3 people actually claim that role in public.
I get it and don't blame them.
You strap on a helmet, pack the prozac, and pray for the best...

Friday night I got to spend with my dear college roommates and finally hold Blair's bundle of joy...what a stud...

....and then there's that strange moment when you're caught somewhere between "wow my friend has a baby!" and "holy crap give me 5 minutes with no filter and I just might corrupt this child"....
Actually, I was probably more concerned about having my friend's regurgitated breast milk anywhere near my face.
Yes, I think about these things and I can't explain it.
What a great night with the gals.

I would go on, but darn if I don't feel like I was hit by a bus...twice...
Beyond tired and an extremely busy morning ahead.  But THEN, its practically Christmas and a fun eve ahead...
Yes, I will have to take a nap and pound coffee at 5pm to stay up late, but my pre-game rituals are pretty solid at this point and work for this rapidly aging 30 year old...

Ah here we go Tuesday....

Trophies Over Twinkies

Ever have those weeks when your hygiene is questionable and for a second feel as though you're reliving college dorm days and don't really care if the socks you put on are matching/clean or neither?
Yeah, I'm marinating in one of those weeks and its only Tuesday.
Not sure which is worse,...that I wore dirty workout clothes 2 days in a row, or that it doesn't bother me as much as it probably should..?..
And by dirty I don't mean that I wore clean bikers on Monday and then the same ones on Tuesday.  I mean I forgot to wash clothes on the weekend, realized this unfortunate fact Monday morning at 4am, dug through the dirty hamper to find bikers that were most likely worn Friday or Saturday, (insert judgement here), then repeated the steps this morning.
Maybe its my way of conserving water,....yeah ok, no....its me resorting back to high school tendencies of not washing my uniform simply because it required more effort than I was willing to give.
Guilty.
Clothes are currently in the washing machine.  Any longer in that lifestyle and I'd have to confess to Sparkles she apparently did a horrible job teaching me personal hygiene. 
...Nailed the birds and the bees talk, but only sub-par on the not-wearing-sweaty-clothes-and-smelling-like-rancid-foot tutorial...

Workouts have been great lately, but I can tell my legs are fatigued.  Jogging feels borderline-horrible at times because my legs feel so heavy.  Just tired. 
Understandable....they are currently engaging in an intense competition with my teeth as to who can be whiter.  Its apparently exhausting.
Gotta love this time of year when you're pale, cold, and thus 2 main reasons to avoid nudity all together.
I get it.

On an editable note...
...Had some interesting conversations with clients today about nutrition and the 'ol why we eat the way we do theme.  Its eye opening to hear and watch people slowly unravel the tangled and twisted relationship they have with food.  BUT, what a huge step for them personally.  The more we understand the why, the better equipped we are to successfully implement strategies to move forward.  I'd venture to say that one of the biggest issues is using food as some type of reward.  Yes, we've all done it, but the key is not to live by it.
You are not a dog.  Thus, food is not a reward.
When we place food in that category mentally, we are ultimately saying either we "deserve it" or "don't deserve it".  That is simply not the case.  Furthermore, the "reward" foods are more often than not some type of processed garbage we'd otherwise label as unhealthy,...so there lies another problem: we consciously and subconsciously tell ourselves that "rewarding food" or food that is "deserved" is not the same as what we'd normally label as beneficial, healthy, or helping us achieve our goals.
So then we're left standing there in the kitchen cursing even the desire to want what we shouldn't.
Sad,...and yet so common.
The question naturally arises "How do I fix it?"....ha, well, I wish it were easy.  And to some extent it sounds easy, but here's the key: You must change your MIND.  Ultimately, your perspective on food - its use, value, and benefits to you as a functioning human being must change for the habit/physical manifestation of an overarching self/food relationship to change. 
Its that simple, and yet that hard....I say hard because it does take daily practice and awareness to break the cycle of a certain way of thinking that 9 times out of 10 has existed for Y-E-A-R-S.
Be patient.  And by patient I mean get off your butt everyday and examine these things...move forward...dare to feel a hell of a lot better than you do now...
Yes, I could go on for pages about this....but I won't....mainly because I'll have carpal tunnel by the end...

Whew,...hump day here I come.

Former Fairy and Bipolar Drinking Disorder

What a weekend.
Finally got to see the sun today.  Thank.  God.
Yesterday was a meteorological nightmare...cold, rainy, 100% chance of showers and perhaps the same chance of tear shed in a snuggie and closet drinking by 4pm. 
What a gross day.
BUT, the weather was certainly off-set by the family Christmas gathering at my parents' house.  The laughter was pretty much non-stop, as was the ridiculousness.  Just as I sat down to eat, I hear this weird jingle noise and sure enough Sparkles is standing over my cousin and I with a salt shaker full of tiny bells.
I swear that woman was a fairy in her previous life.
At this point, you roll with it and just be thankful the thing isn't full of glitter, confetti, or anything else that could remotely cause temporary blindness and damage your cornea.

My weekend was packed with Christmas celebrations and what not.  It began Friday night at the bar for our annual ActivEdge Christmas party,....the irony of a gym party at the bar, I know.  The owner and his wife are former clients and we truly love to patronize their bar when we can.  (Dain's Place on 9th St!)
I walk in and within 3 minutes he randomly shows up with a shot of Jack and a glass of white wine....even at 30 you can't escape hazing.  And what a bipolar alcohol combination.  The wine says 30 years old and a sensible social drinker.  The shot of Jack says mouth of a sailor and potentially raised in a barn.
I can't really argue with either...I totally get it.
It explains a lot....A. Lot.

Nonetheless, I couldn't believe another year was basically behind us and I am headed into my 9th year with Brian and ActivEdge.  So crazy.
I remember when he first told me I should consider becoming a trainer and I thought he was crazy.  And now I wouldn't trade it for the world....(mainly because 6 billion people is overwhelming and there is no North Pole), but seriously I cannot imagine doing anything else.
So, a big thank you to Brian for allowing me the opportunity to do what I love every single day...

In other news, I am already looking ahead to 2014,...setting goals, organizing thoughts for my book, articles, and tid bits I'll have for you in the coming weeks/months.
My theme to start the year is INTENTION.
LIVE with INTENTION....in our careers, health, relationships....this idea of closing the gap between where we are in these areas of our life and where we want to be with purposeful, intentional daily steps towards our goals.  Because the truth is that once we are aware of the discrepancy between the two and remain aware through periodic assessment, our motivation to move forward continues to fuel itself.
...more to come on that dear friends...brace yourself for word vomit, a little "preaching", and a whole lot of tough love ;)

Well, I better hit the bed...Monday awaits and I better get my mind right...

Elderly F-bombs and My Sock Situation

If I had a dollar for every f-bomb dropped on me by 2pm, my retirement would look pretty darn good right now.
And its never who you'd think.  For the most part, my teenagers are good about it,...its the "older" crowd who needs to take a timeout with the Dial bar in the pie-hole.  Don't let them fool you.  Saturday afternoon they're running around with the grandkids cuddling and following that crazy nomad Dora, and come Monday morning they're unloading four letter words like a potty-mouth sniper.
It makes me laugh.
I love my job.

Since returning from NY its been a hectic week and the pile of laundry on my floor is basically taking over as I mull in my own filth.  And digging for matching socks at 4am is a recipe for an anxiety attack waiting to happen.  White with gold seam,...white with pink seam,...white with white seam,...black,..."Oh. My. God.  Why do you all non-matching cotton horribles hate me?!"....then I immediately find a match and walk in shame to the closet slowly regaining sanity...
Welcome to my morning.
Its wonderful.
I swear.

Its been a fairly normal week at the gym, and yes I use that term loosely because there is never a dull moment with all my peeps.  Laughter is underrated and I can honestly say there is never a shortage for me from 6am-7pm.  And yes, sometimes I laugh at you, not with you.  When someone says otherwise they are generally lying.  Shocking, I know.
On a more serious note though, I had a conversation with one of my ladies today that truly spoke volumes to me about where many people are (especially women), when they step foot into the gym.  The mental battle they often face to leave everything at the door and focus on themselves for one workout is practically a spandex-laden war zone.  I'll delve into this more in my next post....
Right now it is nearly past my bedtime and I am struggling to keep my eyes open, much less form coherent sentences.
Geez....more to come...night folks...

Subway Headbutts and City Pics

Back to rural reality....but oh what a weekend.
It was my NYC trip with two of my favorite people, and we certainly had an amazing time but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited to see some greenery flying back into North Carolina.  It was great to visit and experience, but not sure I could live there.
For starters, I learned that eye-contact meant 1 of 2 things: I want to see you naked, or I want to cut you.  ....I pretty much gave that up after a few odd stares and potential death wish.
The entire subway experience was a cultural study in itself.  Me and my girlfriends would laugh and carry on, and people just stared at us as if we were about to pass on malaria via the giggles.  No laughing, no talking, and don't get cocky with your balance skills when the thing starts moving.  I nearly bit the dust a couple of times and started a domino effect simply because I thought assuming a "defensive stance" was going to be enough.
I stand corrected.  No pun intended.
Then there was the option of sitting.  Sounds ideal after a day of wondering through the city for hours with self-induced shin splints and exhausted hips. 
Again, not necessarily the best choice.
Numerous times I found myself sitting there with someone literally right in front of me.....fine if my face was not inches from a strangers crotch or backside.  Pick your poison.  One wrong move and I'd have a hard time explaining a black eye.
As I gazed straight ahead, I was often caught in the dilemma "Am I looking at it,...or is it looking at me?"....Ah yes, the questions that plague the mind on the subway in New York...I have yet to validate a proper answer.

The weekend was full of many laughs, lots of walking, great scenery (people included), and amazing food.  Yes, from sushi to pizza to a true NY bagel, I had to experience it all and basically carb load for the winter.  Best pizza I've ever had, and I dominated it like it was my job.
People mistakenly think I eat like a rabbit and have a small appetite,...ha...not true.  No, I don't normally eat like I did this weekend, but will not deprive myself.  I will say that after my pizza coma, I slept for 9 hours...I may have blacked out,...not exactly sure.
However, today I was definitely happy to resume my "normal" eating schedule and what not...starting with 3 cups of coffee at 4am.  Merry Christmas to me.

Ironically, Happy Feet and Sparkles head up there in a couple of weeks.  I know, the Parkers are invading NYC....the world is simply not ready.
I gave dad a serious talk today about his creeping-tendencies before going up there.  I swear he will literally talk to e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e if given the chance.  He's the Wal-mart greeter of life, which is fine in some situations...emphasis on "some".  I told him though, if he starts that mess up there and ends up in a jumpsuit with one phone call and a prayer,...don't call me. 
Between his inability to keep his hellos and smiles to himself in public, and sparkles' inability to navigate a turn-style, debit card, or general directions, I seriously cannot wait to hear stories about this upcoming adventure.
God help everyone.

Well, today was back to the grind with clients and Christmas prep and and and...
December 9th...geez...pretty soon we'll be welcoming a new year with extravagant plans of resolutions and what not.  Yes, I will definitely address that issue in a couple of weeks...brace yourself...the onslaught of tough love is about to overwhelm you....

I will leave you with a few pictures from my girls weekend....

Some potential living room art...

Apparently I didn't come up with this word,...disappointing news I must say...

Damn that pole...

Dick, Jane, and a Flogging..

Sunday pretty much flew by.
I rolled over at 5:30 this morning and basically gave my alarm the look of death, rolled back over, and resumed fetal position.
I prefer my left side.  Random factoid for your evening.

Despite being extremely tired all morning, I managed a workout without nodding off or cursing my own name.  But, not going to lie, it was one of those days when I was more than happy to be done.  Time to retire the spandex.....ok fine, for about 24 hours...

I made my way to the new Harris Teeter today.  They relocated my meat-men from the other HT over there (slightly perturbed), so I had to go visit.
I'm a sucker for great customer service.  Combined with fresh meat, my day is pretty much made and I'll assume we're friends for life.  We'll probably get matching bracelets.
All in all it was a solid shopping experience I capped off with some Starbucks before heading to meet a friend...
Apparently I wasn't thinking too clearly as I drooled over the Starbucks menu like the addict that I am, because I had to immediately head to Whole Foods to meet Kathryn.
Rule #2: Don't walk into Whole Foods with a Starbucks cup.
(Rule #1: Bring your own bag and wear running attire...whether you just ran is irrelevant)
With my coffee in hand, I might as well have thrown on a fur coat and held a "I'm against recycling" sign.  Yeah, I should have thought that one through a little more before risking a post-coffee flogging from random onlookers.

We sat there for over 2 hours solving all the world's problems except for our own.  Typical.
Laughing, crying, we had to cover the spectrum to complete the afternoon.  But the experience would not have been truly complete without the people watching. 
Thank God for window seats.
As we sat there discussing life, love, and the pursuit of all things non-cra-cra, we noticed a couple sitting outside with a table full of cards.  Back and forth, intense "play" of some sort, it was the most intriguing and yet boring thing I've witnessed. 
For a solid 20 minutes we couldn't figure it out,...and then ahh! he pulls out the box.
Lord of the Rings.
Lord of the damn Rings.
We're in there crying, marinading in sarcasm, and about to get sucker punched over a Starbucks cup, and meanwhile Dick and Jane are practically making out over a card game.
Life is indeed ironic and hilarious....

Well, I've got a full week ahead and then its off to New York with the gals!...I am beyond excited, but have a couple of big deadlines before then.  Ah yes, that's how it goes...
Here's to a new week folks...and holy crap its already December...
 

Partaking With The Parkers...

I'm amazed I am even able to function right now...
After a full Thanksgiving day of decorating, eating, and family-bonding that inevitably ended up in slightly offensive dinner-table-talk, I rolled straight into a night of shopping with the girls.  Oh but it didn't stop there. 
In bed by 5am, up by 9, and then back out again.
...At this point its a sick tradition that ultimately leaves us exhausted and me cursing the public and/or myself at 3am.  This year at 3am I was in the toy section of Target with Kimmy trying on football gloves and contemplating testing my grip skills on the nearest wall.
I can't possibly explain this.
I am not spiderman, and yet sleep deprivation apparently fuels my inner superhero,....and delusions.

Thanksgiving dinner was nothing short of entertaining in the Parker house.
Sparkles was practically squealing with excitement, dad was showing us the latest house project, and I thought Jan was about to deliver a child right there between the the yeast rolls and mashed potatoes.
Nothing says "I'm thankful" like some amniotic fluid....
Baby girl Bella will be here in less than 3 months and I can hardly contain myself.
I need to spoil another niece...asap.

The food was amazing, and yes, I do eat all the "normal" Thanksgiving foods.  Funny how so many people ask me that.  The only time I ever really stayed pretty strict was when I was training for a show.  Yesterday, however, was stomachache waiting to happen.
Like clockwork every year.
Its not necessarily the amount, but all the sugar and what not basically makes my body hate me for about 24 hours.  It wasn't 30 minutes post-turkey that I was digging through Jan's purse for some Tums.
She carries 2 industrial size containers around with her all the time.....So if 600 people all of a sudden came down with horrible indigestion or gas pains, she is fully prepared.
My girl.
I was more than ready to eat plain food today. 
...my pancreas is still twitching.

Tomorrow its back at it...a few clients in the morning and then some much needed bonding with a dear friend.
She deserves an award.
I may give her a damn trophy tomorrow, who knows...

All in all, a wonderful Thanksgiving...I'll leave you with a few pics from one crazy gene pool...

Oh, and Payton was the local artist for our place settings...
Love it.

Freezing in a Pseudo-Muff

Wow, what an amazing forecast we had rolling today here in 'ol NC....40's, rain,...with a 70% chance of depression.  Sweet.  Everyone was in a great mood and ready to workout, believe me...

I was so cold all day. 
If I could have balled up in the dryer and been sure I'd escape injury-free, I would have seriously contemplated low-tumble-dry for at least 5 minutes....or until I was just shy of second degree burns.  Yes, I was that cold, and once again a hoodie was my saving grace.
Whoever invented that front pocket is a genius.  Period.  The hood is just a bonus.
My guess is that it was a guy who realized that putting your hands in your pants for warmth is acceptable on the field, but eh, "frowned upon" on the subway.  The "what am I supposed to do with my hands now?!" question arose, and boom there ya go.  Add some fleece and a built-in ipod pocket and you've got yourself a pseudo-muff party right there below your bellybutton.
Amazing.
 
It was a pretty standard day in the gym with the exception of college kids back in town.  Tyler showed up at 4pm with some surprise Starbucks. 
Day.  Made.
I don't question it, I just roll with it and take it to the face like a champ.  It was great to see him, meet the official GF, and catch up.
The fact that he is turning 20 tomorrow makes me feel old....considering the fact that when he first came to the gym he'd only recently stopped thinking girls had cooties and/or some version of an incurable rash.
Time flies.
And Tyler, thank you again for the Starbucks...it was perfect timing!!

Tomorrow is a short day for me and then I will start getting my mind right for Thanksgiving....which may or may not involve meditation and preventative doses of pepto bismol.  Am I the only one who thinks pepto and gas-x taste like candy?...Explains quite a bit, I know...

Well, on that note I better hit the bed.  A short, but absolutely packed day tomorrow...
Hump day here we go.

Beaten Camel and Fat Pants

Hello there.
I've alive and kick'n....after a full week and few days vacation, it was right off the plane and back to work.  My body didn't know what the heck was going on by 3pm, except that more coffee sounded like a smart idea.
Apparently I had to keep the buzz going from the airport....sponsored by Starbucks and laced with speed.  I opted for an Americano at 9am, and after 2 cups of coffee, it proved to be the straw that broke the camels' back.  And by that I mean sent the camel to a whole new level.  (Fully aware I just compared myself to an animal that smells horrible and spits).
I was sweating, heart racing, probably on the verge of hives,...it was unreal.  Perfect flying conditions.  Combine that with a child using my seat as a soccer ball, and you've got yourself one entertaining flight and a potential heart palpitation my friend.

SO here we go into Thanksgiving week...
I've read article after article about prepping for holidays and received several emails about this topic as everyone is hoping not to make their "fat pants" just their "pants" in a matter of a few short weeks.
I get it.
And to say we don't struggle with some aspect of the whole thing to a certain degree is a lie.  Whether its navigating a dessert buffet, or simply trying not to load up on some kind of vodka/rum-infested food, we all face the temptations.  I am certainly not immune.
I have a sweet tooth...more like sweet teeth...I haven't found a single one that will discriminate against something that can potentially give me diabetes. 
I blame my grandma.  A midnight honeybun raid nearly cost her a hip.
Two generations later and here I am able to spoon frosting like oatmeal with no concept of "too sweet" and a mouthful of cavities from younger years of sugar mayhem.
...all that to say Thursday is often the start of an interesting journey for most until January 1st...

Right off the bat I can tell you that the best thing to do is have a plan before every event.
This is life and you need to enjoy the social aspect of gatherings...yes, even the ones that induce the emotional drinking in the first place.  Face it.  Deal with it.  Happy Holidays.
But don't let it rule you.
For instance,on Turkey Day we will all sit down to eat more than we should, but to avoid absolutely stuffing our faces like its our last meal, treat the rest of the day like any other day.  What I mean by that is have your normal, healthy protein-based breakfast, drink plenty of water, and have your subsequent meals/snacks like usual prior to the turkey meal.
This helps keep your cravings to a minimum and makes you less likely to overeat at dinner.  Not to mention you keep your metabolism revving all day.  God knows we need that fuel burning hard core after some stuffing and every casserole known to man...

Another tip...
Do not bring home desert leftovers. 
You WILL eat it...every bit of it...and then 90% of you will beat yourself up over it, get pissed off, and start into the holiday-downward-spiral that is generally wrapped in self-loathing and a tighter waistband.
Enjoy the day, the meal, the company, and then back on track.  Your body will thank you.

Ok, I am pooped.  I will have more tips and what not to come...perhaps followed by a pep-talk on Black Friday.
...Monday will be here before I know it and the alarm screaming at me like a child....a loud, over-zealous 5 year old...Night my dear folks!...

Bright Lights, Boys, and Back Fat....

Last year at this time my house was fully decorated for Christmas, gifts already being wrapped, and Santa practically breaking in the back door.
This year, I have no clue how many days until he puts a handful of coal or feces in my stocking, nor is my tree up.  Ridiculous.
Oh but I have a plan.
Everything is ready to roll, just have to find a few hours of pseudo-sanity to create the mess of getting everything up without ripping my hair out.  The thought of stringing lights on a tree gives me hives.  It will be one of those things I do at like 5am before all the caffeine has kicked in and my brain hasn't had a chance to fully embrace the anxiety attack waiting to happen with 500 lights and a fake spruce.
Strap on your helmet and light-up sweater vest, its going to be an interesting holiday season folks...

Today was a pretty standard Monday in the gym, however I swear I was swimming in testosterone all day.  Generally, I see more women than men, but today I think it was reverse.  My teenage boys trip me out the most though.  Stories, perspective on life,...never a dull moment.  Its only about 30% of the time that I have to threaten lives to make sure they truly hear what is coming out of my mouth.  God help my children one day...

I had a client message me today about his fat.
Yes, his fat.
And honestly I hear some version of this all the time,..."I'd rather store fat in my ____, than my _____."   Fill in the blanks as you wish between gut, butt, thighs, back, etc...
Hell, from the age of 12 to 20 I practically begged God to cause the migration of my fat to head towards the general chest area. 
Then I gave up,...and after listening to Garth Brooks' "Unanswered Prayers" on repeat for the better part of 8th grade, I gathered myself together and trashed my dreams of ever working at Hooters...or on a pole. 
You're welcome dad.
But on a positive note, if I ever need to wear my sportsbra backwards I am totally there...

So back to my client's fat...(sounds so uplifting)...
Bottom line is we cannot control WHERE our bodies choose to store fat.  That is genetic.  Also, there are no exercises than directly cause fatloss in one specific area when performed.  Period.
Throw that idea out right now.
Whether your body is actually in a fat-burning state boils down to nutrition and overall caloric expenditure (including lifestyle/exercise).  Believe me, if I could immediately zap fat right off the hips of people with a few exercises, I would....and charge enough so my rearend would not be rolling out of bed at 3:45 in the morning more often than not.
But I can't, and the fact is that fat-loss requires work and dedication.  Should it be miserable?  Absolutely not.  But, it takes effort and attention to the things that contributed to the issues in the first place.

Well, on that note, I am beyond exhausted and need to sleep fast....
Tuesday will be here shortly...woohoo!  Game time!

Hood Nap...

Just woke up from a nap.
Ah, there is nothing like napping in a hoodie. 
Flat on my back, hood on, hands in, feet crossed,...and I was out in about 12 seconds.  Waking up was a pretty sight,...ok not really,  but after a few moments of "What day is this? Where am I? Why can't I feel my legs?"..I regained a functional level of sanity.  Thank God.
Amazingly, that nap came about 20 minutes after 3 cups of coffee.
...Perhaps I need to consider cutting back.
That was a joke you blasphemous haters.

This week has been fairly normal, but I swear every time I turn around people are getting sick.  Its that time of year, and quite frankly if you're coughing, feverish, and fighting nausea and not because you're housing a fetus, please stay home.  It amazes me the number of people who will venture out despite having everything shy of bubonic plague.
A couple of weeks ago I passed a woman on the highway driving with a surgical face mask and rubber gloves on.  Yes, I was pissed I didn't snag a picture.  I don't know what the heck she had, but no shot I'd go near that car.  She was either deathly ill (which, ok get off the highway), or handing out physicals along I-40.....both of which are a lose/lose for all parties involved.
Bottom line, if you're that sick stay home.

In the gym world, one of my baseball players officially signed with UNCG today....very exciting.  Here's to the next 4 years buddy!  He's worked his rearend off in the gym, and despite the fact that I don't want to feel older than I am, his "yes mam" responses and work ethnic is hardly something I'd fuss about at 30 years old.
Plus he brings me deer meat....ha
That program is truly getting a great kid.
Congratulations Chad :)

Ok, back to the grind...

Peeler Assault and Birthday Wishes

Sunday night already.  Geez.
I'm on my 7th cup of coffee for the day and pretty much 2 ounces shy of a panic attack and night sweats.  Might add a little excitement to my evening, who knows.

Its been a pretty hectic weekend that started with a lovely dinner Friday night with a dear friend and woman who continues to inspire me more than she realizes.  I promised her I wouldn't post her picture, but we got all dolled up and made our way downtown Durham for a little ladies night.

Normally we see each other in the gym sweating like heathens in lycra, so to actually smell decent and have on normal clothes was a nice change.  We laughed until I nearly cried, managed to solve zero of our problems, but loved every minute of it.  Ha. 
I am blessed to say I am surrounded by amazing women...

Saturday was a combination of work, family, errands, more work, and a self-induced sit-in strike against all things "productive".  I swear I hardly moved from the recliner for nearly 5 hours.  I don't do that too often, but I literally could not even think straight because I was so tired.  I needed to write, do laundry, send emails, blah blah blah.  Instead, I opted to stare at the tv and scroll through the guide until something looked remotely appealing.  I was well beyond any decent decision-making...I can't even tell you what I ended up watching, but caught myself on the Hallmark channel more than once.
Like the herpes of television....and yet there I was, moth to a flame.
On a more exciting note, we celebrated by cousins 21st birthday that afternoon....God I feel old.  I still have her pegged as 14, but here we are...21 and grabbing life by the horns...
Happy Birthday Courtney!!

Today started bright and early at 5am, as I was unable to sleep and facing a cat who apparently thought he might starve to death if I didn't get up asap.
Ridiculous.
I will say though, I normally feed him before I start my coffee.  That's love right there.

In the world of fitness,....my workout this morning didn't necessarily feel great, but compared to yesterday's I'll take it.  I just could not find a rhythm yesterday,...my resting heartrate was up, my eyes were watering, my mind was all over the place,...just a mess.
I think too often people expect to feel on-point every single time they strap on the spandex (or cotton blend, whichever), and head for the gym.  Some days its simply not there and you give what you can and move on.  That's life.  To expect it any differently is unrealistic.  Period.
So this weekend was not necessarily my A game, but it got done and tomorrow will be better.
If not, you'll see me on the news for a meltdown...

Soooo I'll end with this pleasant shot...

Mama got a little cocky with the new vegetable peeler.
First of all, please ignore the fact that my hands resemble that of a 70 year old.  Ugh...they are horrible and since the weather change, are cracking and I'm forced to whip out the lotion and gloves at night.
If I die in my sleep, someone please remove the gloves before taking me in so I don't look like a total idiot.  Thank  you.
Back to my cuts....
Note to self: when peeling a sweet potato, MOVE THE OTHER HAND OUT OF THE WAY.  Unbelievable.
So there are my cooking wounds for this week.
I boycott pealing anything for 5 days.  Ok 4,...or at least until my hand doesn't look like it was assaulted.

Well, that's about all I got....
Writing up a few plans, then headed to bed.  Busy week ahead with some much needed time off coming soon...

Hot Spooning

Yes, I just completely demolished a cabbage and told it who was boss with my new vegetable peeler.
What can I say, it doesn't take much to bring my evening to a new level.
I had Christmas music going and my yankee candle firing away....it was actually a sad scene, let's be honest...
And now I am planted in front of the fireplace like its the middle of winter in Buffalo, fully aware that were I to invest in some leg warmers and a camo snuggie I'd survive just fine without the heat until New Years.  However, when I walk into a house at 61 degrees, I'm not even going to pretend I wouldn't mind spooning with a feverish human being.
I was cold.
Heat is now on.

My week's been fairly normal thus far, as clients are regrouping after Halloween chaos and preparing for the holidays.
It is literally right around the corner, and its always good to see people get in a proactive-mindset about 2 months of parties, dinners, and any/every reason people find to stuff their faces and drink like fish.
I completely get it.  However, come January 1 we should not all be standing there needing maternity pants wondering what the hell happened.
Yes, I will address some of that in a later post...

Ok, this was short and sweet tonight...
I am pooped and need to get my mind right for hump day.  I swear every time I turn around its hump day...

Let The Holiday Games Begin...

My intentions of writing over the past few days were apparently overridden by my ADD and compulsion to get everything else done except blog.  Its absurd really.
My to-do list looks more like a grammatically inept book versus list.  Auto-correct has made us all idiots when it comes to spelling, and I will be the first to admit I receive the "No Replacements Found" message more than any human being with a high school diploma should.
So then when it comes time to actually write something out, I nearly have a panic attack because there's no higher being replacing my sorry ass attempt to spell "vacuum" or "diarrhea",....(I misspell those fairly often and its sad on many levels)...

The weekend started off with a Parker-gals trip to Greensboro for a Christmas shopping experience at the coliseum like no other.  We go every year, walk around for about 5 hours, prevent Sparkles from buying anything resembling a fanny-pack, and then cap the night off with a dinner.
We had a blast.
Christmas was practically everywhere, and I managed to get out of there with a few gifts for others.....and for me.  Expecting me to go in there and be completely selfless is like asking an infant not to crap themselves.
Its gonna happen.
Get wipes.  Be prepared.
I didn't go overboard, but one of the best things I got was a vegetable peeler that makes my cabbage-shredding experience more like heaven and less like a pain in the rear.
Honestly, I would have paid more than $10 and risked the cuts.
The demo alone sold me.  This country bumpkin was peeling carrots, potatoes, and grapes like a daggon magician,...and just as I'm thinking "Who the heck peels grapes?" there I am making it rain in booth #476...

I snagged a couple shots from the outing...

Great way to start the weekend...

The rest is sort of a blur between clients, computer work, errands, and Christmas movies.  Yes, I pretty much bypassed Halloween this year.  I had intentions of wearing a "costume" to work on Thursday, but as I gazed in my closet at 3:48am, the thought of wearing anything remotely humorous was no longer humorous.  I could hardly think straight.
I was going to dress up as my own mini-nightmare and mis-match everything head to toe.  But that plan quickly faded before the first cup of coffee,...knowing full well that I would literally have a panic attack by noon if I looked like I was assaulted in a circus dressing room.
Such a party-pooper, I know.  So I opted for all black Nike head to toe....typical life of a ninja, what can I say...

Tomorrow is back to the grind and headed into a very busy November.
Before I know it I'll be getting ready for Santa and having to explain why he really needs to stop being such a judgmental creeper.

Well, I can barely keep my eyes open....that alarm will be yelling obscenities at me here shortly....the feeling is quite mutual.
Beauty rest here I come,...

Privates and Holiday Prep...

...and then there's that moment after a long day when you are scooping your cat's poo, that you ponder your purpose in life and curse the horrible smell of litter.  "Ocean Breeze" is a lie.  Still smells like feces.  Period.
I like to end my Tuesdays on a high note, what can I say...

Its been a hectic week thus far, but coming off a great weekend with my gals..
A slumber party with a 4 and 2 year old means lots of dress-up and reminders that you keep your "privates" private.  Hey Miley, take note....even a 2 year old gets it.
We had a blast to say the least...

And then as I was pulling away I got this shot, and nearly turned around, parked the car, and broke the news to them that I'd be moving in and sharing my ridiculousness with their family until further notice,....

Well, in fitness news it was back to the grind bright and early Monday morning.
I had all intentions of getting a good night's sleep, but neglected to open the windows wide enough....so there I was at 2am having menopausal hot flashes at 30 years old.  You would have thought it was 80 degrees in there.
It wasn't.
70...
but I was sweating.  Needless to say, the AC came back on Monday.
After Sunday night's sweat-a-thon, I didn't really care if I woke up to frostbite.
I was on a mission at that point.
But the week has been great thus far...people getting everything back under control before the holidays hit.  Always a good plan.
I'll touch on some of that as we near the only time of year when people justify eating anything, everything, and then popping Xanax like Pez to survive social functions.  I get it, but like to opt for a slightly more sensible approach...

Its about that time.
...the bed is calling, and I am on my way.  Have a great night folks and get your mind right for another hump day...

Switching To Vodka...

Waking up to a 62 degree house and a whining feline was enough to make me crawl out of bed and move as quick as possible to the coffee pot.
Had I been timed I would have broken a record,...but it was certainly a staggering sprint attempt.
Its finally starting to feel like Fall around here, which is nice, but it takes us southern souls a little time to adjust.  Last night I got together with my neighbors around a fire pit and you would've thought it was below freezing.  Pretty sure I lost all feeling in my hands after 8pm. 
Its in those moments that a snuggie actually makes sense.
And lets be honest, it should never really make sense.
You can either have a blanket, a hoodie, or a sweat-inducing tarp.  Not all three.

We had a blast, and I am thankful to live around an awesome group of folks.  Let me rephrase that,....an awesome fertile group of folks.
At one point I look up and every other female was standing there with a baby bjorne strapped on like a parachute. 
I suddenly felt the urge to run home, pee on a stick, and vow to stop drinking the local water.
Vodka.  I'd switch to vodka...

Its been weird not working AT ALL the last couple of days,...amazing I haven't lost my sanity yet.  Key word: yet.  Sometimes I do need the mental break (shocking, I know).
Although I am staying pretty busy otherwise with projects and what not around the house.
I finally had to spend a couple of hours reorganizing my closet and throwing crap out.  I did manage to get rid of a few pairs of shoes (yay me), but that was pretty much like removing 2 buds from a full grown chia pet.  Thus, I really shouldn't pat myself on the back as so much kick myself in the rear for being a total shoe whore in the first place.

So here's just the boot and sneaker section...I call it section "A"...

No need for judgement,...as always, I completely judge myself.
So that's what I've been up to amidst other things.  Although today I do need to get some computer work done and send out emails until carpol tunnel takes over...

Coffee setting in.....getting my mind right for cardio.....here we go Saturday...
Make it a great weekend folks!

Free Hugs Always Win....Unfortunately

What a week.
I could have sworn it was Thursday, and yet hump day was staring me down like a hawk.  Damn that hump.  It was a fairly normal Wednesday, but coming off of less sleep and some never-ending rash-like stress, it felt like Thursday....or Friday...or Saturday afternoon when my intentions of having a life are superseded by my desire to nap with my cat.
At 30, I live life on the edge...

However, my reason for a later bedtime was a good one....birthday dinner with the family to celebrate Jordan's 26th year on this planet as the favorite Parker child.
Its fine, he always has been...and quite honestly he deserves the title.  Surviving in the house with me and David 15 years ago is a fete that at least deserves a plaque, ribbon, or lifetime supply of Zoloft just in case.
I'd ask mom for money, and he'd ask for hugs.
How is any normal human being supposed to compete with that?
...I just stood there empty-handed, looking like a jerk, and more apt to soak the moment in sarcasm than give a bear-like embrace.
Tragic.
Ah but here we are years later and fully recovered...maybe...


In fitness news...
My next article will be finished soon and I'm pretty pumped about this one.  I say that about every one and I realize my opinion is slightly bias...
I'm ok with that.
But this one really hits at a huge theme that I encounter E-V-E-R-Y-D-A-Y.  I constantly deal with people whose mindset about fitness/health/nutrition/habits is more like some kind of victim to their environment rather than seeing the open opportunity to alter the very things they let control them.  Amazing.  WE HAVE CONTROL.  What a new concept.
And yet too often we resign ourselves to a passive participant in this journey known as health, and waste time wishing things were different.
Ah, so I finally get it all on paper....Creating A Successful Fitness Environment.  This is NOT just about cleaning out the pantry and joining a gym...I cover the little things that will ultimately make a HUGE difference in your ability and rate at which you achieve your goals....from the plate to the people you surround yourself with.  Because ALL these things contribute (good or bad) to your health. 
So there ya go,....it will be in front of your eyes in just days :)

Well, that's it for tonight...a short day tomorrow and then holy crap a couple of days off...what in the world will I do....

Fried Butter and Gin & Juice

I swear I turn around and the weekend is gone.
Poof.
Vanished.
...And the next thing I know the Monday alarm is going off along with my sanity...

I had a relatively quiet weekend,...with the exception of a trip to Target...and Wal-mart.
Hitting both those stores within 24 hours on the weekend is a near death wish.  It never fails that I choose the line with the lowest IQ requirement and busted scanner, coupon nazi, or
price check for 13 of the 15 items on the belt.  However, I never complain when I get a cashier who refuses to spend more than 5 seconds on a price check and just starts making up numbers. 
Its a paperless coupon.
Happy birthday everyone.
Thankfully, my experiences were not so bad this go-round.  I escaped the mad-house known as Saturday in retail world without pulling out my hair, ceasing public outings all together, or vowing never to bear children after witnessing a 3 year old exorcism over a pack of skittles.
You may be making a point to your child,...meanwhile everyone within a 50 yard radius is deaf in one ear and completely swearing off sex until 2015.

Today was pretty standard in the gym world....with a handful of people needing to burn off a few extra calories from the State Fair.
Yeah, some of the "food", (and I use that term loosely), absolutely blew my mind.  Apparently we Americans will fry the crap out of anything.....and then fry it again....
But I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to go.  We went every year growing up, so its more about the tradition of it I guess.
Dad would have us there before the gates open, freezing, making sure fanny packs were ready to roll and we all knew where the Red Cross building was in case we got lost.  That was always interesting...
"If we lose you, just go there and we'll get you."
....uhhh....so are we talking like right after you discover you lost me, or going to just let me marinate in my poor decision making and Keds for a bit and pray for the best?...
Oh 1989 how we miss you.

My night concluded with a few teenagers and the dramatic stories to follow.  They are always entertaining and whether I need to know it or not, I end up hearing who broke up with who, who wants to breakup, what tests are coming up, and what mom doesn't know about the weekend...
I could literally sell information by Monday night.
Crazy kids...
Yes, I say kids as if I'm 62.  I practically am.  But I definitely feel it when a song comes on from high school and they are all like "who is this?"...as if they'd remember jamming out to Snoop Dogg in their diapers.
Maybe they were.
Parenting award denied right there....mainly for lack of good judgement.  Oh I appreciate some ol Dogg,...just not fully supportive of a 5 year old spouting off the lyrics to Gin & Juice.

On that lyrical note, I am headed to bed...
Night folks!!

A Beautiful Mess

12:15 and I am just now sitting down to my plate-o-protein-pancakes.
Pumpkin flavor.
Topped with PB2.
Highlight of the day right here....which isn't saying much about my day, but I go a little cra-cra over some pumpkin stuff.  Smells, tastes, I don't discriminate...I like it all.
The yankee candles are probably my favorite.  Why I spend $22 on a burning scent of awesome only to throw away the jar and long for more is beyond me.
And yet worth it.

In the midst of my highway rant the other day I failed to mention what an amazing day I had on Thursday in the gym.
Every now and then people will unknowingly meet us where we are with words that are perfectly timed and yet catch us off guard.  Our reaction is thus raw and uninhibited.  It can be a mess, but a beautiful mess...
Long story short, a woman brought me to tears right there in front of the leg press before 10am.  I was in no way prepared for her genuine gratitude and overflowing sense of personal achievement.  Over the course of our time together she'd conquered fears, physical limitations, internal doubt, and truly allowed me to pull her out of her comfort zone.
Because she reached,...did the work, and ultimately proved to herself what I was already certain of.
As she was tearing up I was beyond overwhelmed, and she may have thought I'd brought her to a "new place" in her journey, but she had no clue how much she fed my soul in that moment.
Yes, believe it or not I am not always a heartless meathead ;)
I was coming off an emotionally and physically draining few days, and I'd be lying if I said there were not times it took all the strength I had to make it through the afternoon and a dozen more clients. 
...Her words refueled me.  Her personal strength and conviction that she's worth it, can do it, and will do it fueled us both.

That was not the last time I cried that day.  (Shockingly, the second time was not related to a coffee shortage or another highway nightmare).
...It was just one of those days.  Perhaps not what I expected, but what I needed, and such a reminder once again why I adore the opportunity to do what I do...

Stuck In The Middle

The ebb and flow of my week never ceases to amaze me.
By Wednesday morning I was operating on adrenaline and enough caffeine to wake the dead.  Apparently 4 hours of sleep leaves me looking like a nightmare because a handful of clients commented on my "tired" appearance....which we all know is code for "you look like hell."
I won't deny it.
I did.
Glossy eyes, clammy skin, slight stumble when walking.....I was either sleep deprived or had been drinking and didn't know it.
Generally I know it.
By the time I left work I was honestly in another world, and had I known I'd nearly lose my mind on the highway I would have slept on the PT table in the back...
 Yeah, here we go.
For the most part I think I have pretty reasonable expectations on the road: use a turn signal, go at least the speed limit, if you're in the fast lane and people are lapping you get over and reassess your life and consider a bike, skateboard, or anything topping out at 25mph.....
Very reasonable.
And probably towards the top of my list is this,...do not ride my bumper like the NASCAR legend you are not when there is a line of traffic clearly not speeding up.
I about lost my you know what right there by exit 266.  There is just something ironic about a Hyundai on your bumper,....like being thumped repeatedly in the knees by a 5 year old. 
So there I was with a Hyundai on my rear while facing the backside of a Prius...
If I were going to go down on the highway, that would absolutely be the scenario right there.  Not a Cadillac or even minivan with more features than my TV....nope, I face plant into the ass of a Prius.
I made it home alive.
I left my sanity at exit 266.

On that note, I am pooped and have a semi-full day tomorrow capped off with a dinner date with Sparkles.
Mom is so excited she can't stand it.  $100 says she squeals at least 3 times while we're eating...
Its amazing I survived by childhood.

More to come tomorrow.  But I do want to thank my dear dear Melissa AGAIN for delivering starbucks to me this morning.
Unbelievable and what an awesome surprise....like candy to a baby :)

3 Beers and a Chicken Leg

I think I could win an award for most squash consumed in a 5 day span.  Its a little ridiculous, and the cashier generally looks at me as if I'm stocking up on the yellow veggie-o-awesome in preparation for the Apocalypse.
I'm not.  I just happen to eat an absurd amount and apparently think that warrants a ribbon, trophy, or honorable mention of some sort.
See, this is a prime example of a generation that was pat on the back growing up for basically everything from good grades to farting correctly. 
Give us praise for anything....for the love of God, lie to us and tell us we're great...
Unbelievable.

Well, it was a typical Monday in the gym, catching up with clients about their weekends, nutrition confessionals, and a few reminders that using a magic wand on inner thigh fat works about as well as sitting on it.
While I am truly grateful for clients' honesty about their journey and "where they are" from an emotional and personal perspective standpoint, there are often common themes that I deal with on a daily basis.
So yes, by the end of the week when I've addressed the problem-with-eating-whatever-you-want-and-thinking-you're-immune-to-fat-storage-and-a-heart-attack issue, I am pretty much ready to assault someone with an eggplant in an effort to break their way of thinking.
Apparently that's frowned upon.
Which is crap.
But today the reoccurring subject I talked about with numerous clients was NUTRITIONAL CONSISTENCY.

I see/hear it All. The. Time.
"Meredith, I ate so well Monday thru Friday, "slipped" on the weekend, but I don't understand why I'm not losing weight."....or...."I've been eating good for a week, why am I not losing?!"....or the best is "I eat 'GOOD' almost all the time" coupled with a food journal that looks like a recipe for diabetes, and then they're in awe of the fact that their pants are still tight.
Bottom line:...You didn't gain the weight overnight, and you certainly won't lose it overnight.  Expect it to be hard, expect it to take time, and you won't be disappointed when it does.
Will a couple days a week of nutritional mayhem hinder progress?  ABSOLUTELY.  Just from a numerical standpoint, lets say you consume just 700 extra calories on the weekend above your maintenance and what you are burning,...if you are NOT burning that off in the days after and continue that trend, in just 5 weeks you're looking at an extra pound.  Granted, that is with the assumption that calories during the week are completely on point.  Also, 700 is a conservative number for the majority of folks...being football season and the rampant beer-consumption, you're looking at 3 beers and a chicken leg.  That's like 1st quarter warm-up for most.
5 weeks...1 pound.
52 weeks in a year...~10 pounds.
Hello.

Long story short, consistency is paramount when it comes to nutrition.
One meal does not make or break you.  Just like one day of not flossing doesn't cause gingivitis.  Its our HABITS good or bad that will ultimately sway our bodies into a fat-loss state, maintenance, or weight-gain state.  And amazingly, we have complete control over what goes in our mouths.
Crazy thought, I know.
Hey, take away my sarcasm and it only leaves interpretive dance for me to comunicate.
And that gets me in trouble...

Whew, what a day.
Tomorrow, more of the same and Wednesday is projected to be a the longest humpday known to man. 
Wednesdays are the unfortunate rash of the week. 
Always there.  Stays around longer than you'd like. 
And leaves you calling your best friend about it afterwards...

Elbow-To-Rear...

Its turning out to be a rainy Saturday and I am more than thrilled about it.
Don't ask, its just completely fine with me.  I see a nap in my future...which will make for 2 days in a row.  I love it.  Ironic that I fought it so hard in kindergarten, and now I actually want that germ infested red mat and awkward mid-day slumber party with 20 other people.
Guarantee you that I wouldn't waste time playing the don't-laugh-because-you-can't-but-really-want-to game with my best friend.  No, I'd be one REM cycle away from a coma or paradise view/dance-off with Channing Tatum.
And by "dance-off" I mean him dancing....with his shirt off....

Yesterday the nap was not exactly planned, but I literally had no choice.
I was counting the minutes until my massage Friday afternoon, and by the time I got home I was completely worthless.
I felt horrible and immediately got on the couch........which I didn't leave until about 5 hours later....
Ridiculous, but much needed.
The massage was great, but when an elbow goes driving into my periformis like a oil rig, it makes for a long 90 minutes.
Yes, 90 minutes....my body was numb by the end and I pretty much wanted to lay in fetal position and cry after that.
Slightly dramatic.

Well, I better get on with my day.
Workouts to write up and errands to run....story of my weekend life... ;)

On Dasher, On Dancer, On Lycra and Spandex...

I will not even lie about the fact that I am listening to Christmas music right now.
Half of you want to punch me....friends included.
25% of you don't care.
And the other 25% are secretly sneaking a Johnny Mathis hit on your ipod, but refuse to admit your love for the ol red and green and fetish for snow globes.  That's fine.
Personally, I show no shame.
I love Christmas time.  The music, the smells, the awkward family moments which may or may not lead to increased closet drinking or medication.....by God its the most wonderful time of the year you haters...

It was a great day in the gym, and began with a morning surprise gift from a client...

Avocado socks!
Love it.
She just returned from a trip to CA, and was so kind to think of me when she saw these....said they had obscene socks too.....I can only imagine.
Great way to start a Tuesday.

The rest of my day was spent pulling up my pants.
Literally.
I made the mistake of not trying on a pair of spandex before I bought them, and paid for it after 13 hours of constantly trying to prevent rocking a saggy-crotch.  Horrible, and yet my own fault.
I saw the brand, the low price, and then it was a moment of retail intoxication.
Good decisions are never made while intoxicated, retail or otherwise.  Stop kidding yourself.
And by 11am, I would have paid the extra $60 to have on pants that didn't travel south after a squat demo and a few push-ups.
I was annoyed and yet helpless at the same time.  I couldn't just get rid of my pants,...legally.
There I was,...stuck in spandex,...migrating crotch,...breaking a sweat pulling the god forsaken things up ALL. Day. Long.
Dear spandex pant makers, if you're going to cut the circulation off at my ankles, consider the fact that everything between my belly button and upper thighs want to join the fully-supported-and-borderline-suffocating party as well.
Thank you.

On that tight note, I am spent and need to get my mind right for another long day.
Back to my overpriced, but much more appreciated pants tomorrow...

Sometimes You Don't Want To Know...

Rainy, gross Monday.
I loved it.
Then again, I don't work outside or even step outside for about 13 hours, so I don't feel like I'm missing anything if there is a monsoon.  Not to say I didn't want to crawl into fetal position on any horizontal surface around 2pm,...perfect napping weather.
Thus, getting on the floor to demonstrate a core exercise was a tease Every. Single. Time.
Ugh...

It was a pretty standard Monday with a few clients back from traveling, surgery, etc...
At one point I look around and find myself outnumbered by teenage boys.  Don't get me wrong, I have a blast with my testosterone-laden adolescents,...however, there are times when I quickly realize a cluster of such is God's form of birth control.
Give me 30 minutes with a handful of them when they're in rare form, and I'll be on the phone scheduling a hysterectomy.
But their stories kill me, and honestly I am thoroughly entertained by it...especially when it comes to the ladies.
A little insight for the younger females,...sometimes they are literally not thinking anything.  Don't quiz them on it, just embrace it.  And when they are thinking, you may not really want to know what.
Keep moving.
Give them a few years and nice dose of reality away from mom, their fan club, and anything referred to as a "lucky" article of clothing that smells like the rearend of a farm animal before you even entertain the idea of naming your children.
Don't act like you never did it.  We all did. 
Looking back, the names were absolutely horrible.  Shocker, I was 12.  I was hardly capable of naming/raising a hamster.

Love my boys...


In other workout news, it absolutely made my day to hear a young woman say she feels so much better about herself and genuinely confident in who she is and where she's headed ever since she started working out.
That is awesome.
I think sometimes we forget that working through the physical struggle in any workout is merely a practice field if you will, for life.  And the more you "succeed", the more confident you become to face things once perceived as impossible.
Suddenly you approach life unapologetic for who you are, and boldly THRIVE amidst anything,...anything.
I was so proud of her for so many reasons, but to hear her claim her truth was the highlight of my day.

Ah, here we go...another day ahead.  Make it great.