Blame the Astro...

A total of 32 ounces of coffee before 9am.
I have nothing to say for myself except that I loved every minute of it.
I knew it was going to be one of those strap-your-mouth-to-the-travel-mug kind of mornings when I woke up face down in my pillow freezing and uncertain what day it was or where I was for that matter.  Thus, I grabbed life by the horns, thumbs, and any other available body part, and saddled in for a long day...
Ironically, (or not), my day ended with me losing my mind to an Astro van in the middle of the Lowes Foods parking lot.  It was after 3pm,...Mildred could have been intoxicated...which would be the only explanation of her blind-man-like driving skills.
Fittingly, I learned to drive in an Astro van.
Thank you mom.
Child abuse.

Today's workout ended up kicking me in the rear....hard.
Due to my schedule tomorrow and Thursday, I had to fit in more lifting than usual, and at the 60 minute mark, and 32 sets later, I was nowhere near done and completely drained.  At those moments, I don't want to talk, I don't want encouragement, I just muster up every ounce of aggression I have, get borderline pissed off, and just finish.  I can't explain it.  Its simply how I operate.  The whole positive-self-talk does not exist for me during my 5th set of lunge jumps...or on the first for that matter.
Needless to say, it was a long but GOOD workout.
I was glad to be done.

Well, tomorrow is Halloween.
I've never been crazy about the holiday, but I will dress up with the best of them.  I was scrolling through some pictures and found this from junior year of college....remember Lara Croft Tomb Raider?...

That costume cost me exactly 2 dollars.
Sadly, I already owned every piece (including the black electrical tape), except for the water guns.  Dollar store investment.  Zero to badass for 2 bucks.  Those were the days...

Tomorrow afternoon I will be dressed up, yes, and pictures will come soon...

Well, folks, have a great night, safe Halloween, and if you choose to eat an absurd amount of candy I have no sympathy for your stomach ache and meth-addict-like teeth.  Hope its worth it.

Mullet Wigs and A Cold Feline

My house is currently 64 degrees.
I'm cold.
The computer keys are cold.
Oscar's balled up like a doughnut knot probably wondering why we're so cheap not to turn on the heat.  I refuse to justify myself to a feline that licks questionable body parts, but I truly have no excuse for not heating this place up.
Until then, I will sit here and marinate in my hoodie like a champ.

What a weekend.
I spent the majority of my weekend in front of a computer mulling through emails and diet plans,...2 seconds away from doing some serious interventions.  If I show up at your door with a trash bag, bottle of laxatives, and 12 step program, don't ask questions just go with it.
The crap people eat still blows my mind sometimes.  Not to say we should never enjoy a splurge every now and then, but my god people, the majority of your food should actually start rotting within a few weeks at most.  Real food.
Needless to say, after the first 3 meal plans, I wanted to bang a few heads against the wall.  I refrained.  But today it was game time for those people.

Speaking of food, I literally choked on my chicken today.
It was about 5:00, and I was predictably throwing down my chicken and veggies as I made my way around the gym.  (Gotta fuel the machine on the fly).  Next thing I know, I'm coughing like an asthmatic, can hardly breathe, and Garrett's looking at me like I better figure it out.  He reassures me he knows the Heimlich, but I'm sure that while he'd dislodge the chicken, he'd also break my sternum...
So there I was trying to hack this white meat up, with my hands in the air having an afternoon near-death experience.  It was like my own sick game of charades, and I was apparently "Dying on Space Mountain."
It was the only time I cursed chicken.
Well, except for the last time I choked...
Damn bird.

On a much more positive note, Zimm stopped by today!  They had to evacuate Christopher Newport because of the hurricane, so he traveled with the GF to come home for a few days.
Great to catch up, and many laughs....always a good thing on a Monday. 
Safe travels back Zimm :)

Well, I am still getting my halloween costume plan together, so I called my mom to ask for a wig or two.  To add to the colorful portrait of my mom, just know that she has a designated "costume box" at home....which ic actually more like a closet. 
I kid you not.  If you need a prop, she's got it.....sad, on many levels.
She starts listing off all these wig options from Dolly Pardon to a mullet, which I immediately wanted of course, but I was overwhelmed after the 6th one.  All I could do was picture her running around in these wigs on a Saturday night with a handful of glitter singing "If You're Happy and You Know It". 
I'd pay to see it.
I'd go so far as to encourage her to strap on the fanny pack to complete the ensemble.

That pretty much wraps up my day.
Dad is dropping off 2 wigs for me tomorrow.....this is what a retired man does.  I don't question it.  Let him roll.

Night folks...

Way Too Early...

6:30am.  I've been up for 3 hours.  Ridiculous.
I was completely exhausted last night and the thought of sleeping in past 4:15 sounded amazing.  So much for that.
I woke up at 3:30 and my mind was racing.
Emails I needed to get out, stuff I needed to do,...on and on.  It was absurd, and next thing I know Oscar is whining at the door for food.  He acts like he hasn't eaten in 3 days.
Clearly he has.
My God, the joker is practically pulling a muscle trying to run up the stairs.  No, he's not limping, he's just fat and I have no sympathy for a 3am meow mix craving.

This week has honestly flown by.
I've got new clients ready to roll and doing a diet overhaul during the next several days.
When I initially have them keep a food journal I think its eye-opening in itself for them to see what's going in their mouth.  Our notion of "food" is so screwed up its ridiculous.  Just because its edible in the sense that it won't instantly kill you upon ingestion, doesn't make it a true food.  Processed foods should honestly be a minority in your diet.  From a health standpoint, our bodies were not meant to process all these chemicals, additives, and ungodly amount of sugar.  It amazing peoples' pancreas doesn't explode on a regular basis...

However, I do find that many females have this horrible, yet popular notion that to lose weight they must be hungry all the time.  That couldn't be further from the truth and is basically counterproductive.  Fact: Your body needs a certain amount of calories to function and carry out bodily processes.  Anything you burn on top of that in regards to lifestyle/workout accounts for your total daily energy expenditure.  If you cut calories TOO low below that point, your body will actually hold onto fat because it senses that food/energy is scarce and seeks to conserve energy.  Thus, your metabolism slows, and your body opts to sacrifice hard earned muscle instead of fat because muscle utilizes more calories to function than fat does.  The body is all about survival and homeostasis.  Anything that jeopardizes that, like extreme low-calorie dieting, puts the body into a conservation state. STOP STARVING.  You have to eat to lose. 

I've got about 5 meal plans to get together before Sunday, and some of them make me want to scream through the computer.  I literally feel their insides cringing.
So on that note, take a look at the MAJORITY of your food choices.  Are they real food or packaged crap that could last on a shelf for a solid 14 months due to massive amounts of chemicals?  And if you're trying to lose weight and about to claw out your eyes because you're so hungry, time to actually feed your body and lose fat at the same time.  It can be done, I promise!
Friday morning and I'm already fired up...

Well, seeing as how I've been up for almost 4 hours, its time to fold some laundry and start on another project.  This weekend will be busy in that regard.  I've got about a week to get my house in order before I decorate for Christmas.
That's right.  The tree will be up and my house will be a fire hazard in less than 8 days.  Slightly obsessed with the most wonderful time of the year...slightly....

Tomorrow is my little brother's birthday.  Hard to believe he turns 25.
Seems like just yesterday he was toting around Big Bird sucking his thumb like a champ.  Hell, it literally might have been yesterday,...kid's crazy...

Happy Birthday Bud, love you! :)

Meat Department Math Magician

First time in awhile that I've sat down for dinner before 8.
I've got fish, squash, and some jazz music.
This is my life.
Try not to be envious.

I went to the store and told the guy I wanted a 5oz cut of salmon.
He cuts a piece, places it on the scale and it reads 0.69lb and asks "Is that close enough?"  I'm no math major, but wow, not even close.  And this is why you don't facilitate prescription drug dosage.  You would have just killed someone.
Just bag it.  I'll grab 5 loaves on the way out and have my own reenactment of Jesus feeding the multitude.
Thanks.

Magic Mike was released on DVD today, and I am ashamed to report that I did not obtain a copy.  Yes, I failed at my main Tuesday goal.  Unbelievable.
With extended scenes and a duo blue ray/dvd pack, I should have been waiting at the door before dawn.
Tomorrow...

I knew my workout today was going to be brutal.  I was exhausted, and had to hit shoulders, glutes, and biceps in one day.  Might as well punch me in the throat.  It was a loooong 90 minutes to say the least, but for whatever reason I often find I had some of my best workouts when I'm tired.  No, this isn't always the case, but it happens at least once a week.  I think part of it is the fact that I am forced to work that much harder to focus and push, so I leave no room for wasting time or energy dreading it.  Hey, you got to go with whatever works.  Half the battle is starting.  And boy was I glad to be done.
Tomorrow is just cardio and core.  Actually looking forward to it....write that down...

I had quite a few people mention the Lance post yesterday.
Many people questioned what was "true athletic ability" and what was "result of doping".  There is no denying his athletic ability.  Drugs/doping cannot make you an athlete.  Period.  You can't inject steroids into a 300lb lineman, and suddenly expect him to have the speed and agility of a cornerback.  Not going to happen.  Drugs and any form of "doping" for athletic purposes is more about recovery and a muscle's capacity to grow and endure high training volumes.  The quicker you can recover, the more you can train, the stronger you get, and the cycle continues....every pun intended.

I think what should be more upsetting than a professional athlete's choice to engage in such practices (and then deny it), is the fact that we constantly elevate them to an untouchable status.  What I mean is, we will not only justify their actions on one hand to ultimately fulfill this ideal image we've created to admire and aspire to, but on the other hand we will burn them at the stake for decisions we mistakenly thought they were never capable of.
On many levels its a little twisted.

On that note its time for some shut-eye.  Hope everyone has a productive hump day ahead of them.  Night folks!

Stripped

The alarm went off early.
Too early.
Before I knew it I was cleaning benches, writing programs, and watching squat form like a hawk.  On some level, I get paid to watch rearends all day.  I'm ok with it...I figure there are worse things to get paid for.

A young athlete asked me today what I thought of Lance Armstrong and the whole ordeal...
My thoughts?  I'm more of a realist, surprising, I know.  Do I think he doped?  Absolutely.  Do I think a large percentage of professional athletes "dope" in some form or fashion?  Absolutely.  Do I think he should be stripped of his titles?  Eh, debatable. 
At the end of the day in that world, its every man for himself...athletes, companies, etc.  So to testify against someone or null a contract all in the name of saving-face, I get it.  Not that I always support it, but I get it.  And fact is, if they were as diligent about testing every other sport, there would probably be no professional league of anything. 
Yes, we have many great athletes to draw inspiration from, but they are still human.  They struggle, they are tempted, and they are fully capable of poor decisions. 
But I love to hear people say "I would never do that."  Truth is we have no clue what we'd do with millions of dollars and the essence of our identity riding on PERFORMANCE.  I'd argue that the vast majority would compromise everything just shy of selling our first born for the sake of doing what we love, being filthy rich in the process, and pretty much being placed on a pedestal.
Never say never.
Justin Bieber quote.
Teenager worth billions...oh the irony...


I had a great workout today despite my lack of sleep this weekend.  Nothing like a solid Monday lifting session.
Brian was back in the weights with Garrett and I after his half ironman this past weekend.  Something I have absolutely NO desire to do...ever...
I don't enjoy running enough to go that far.
I can't even float.
And the thought of sitting on a bike for more than 5 minutes without a donut seat sounds miserable.  But hats off to those nut jobs who love it.  There is very little in this world I'd want to do for 5 hours straight...and running, biking, and swimming are not on the list.  Nowhere near it actually.

Well, I am spent.
Time for bed and back to the grind tomorrow.  Love me some Tuesdays.

The Baby Got Hitched...

Well, we officially survived my brother's wedding weekend.
I am pretty much in recovery mode until Wednesday.
No, I didn't drink like a fish, but it was one thing after another and between packing, appointments, and keeping my mom under control, I am exhausted.  Not to mention that for the first time since 2004 I was up until well after 2am this morning, making me one worthless human being today.
As Kelly and I sat in the hotel throwing down coffee like tequila shots at 9am, I was well aware that I am no longer young and resilient.  In fact, I was envious of everyone who was up being productive before 7. 
My line of thought scares me more each day.
You know how they say you start to become more and more like your parents as you get older?  Well, I think I completely bypassed that generation.
I am more like my grandparents.
Not sure which is worse,...that I am, or that I'm ok with it...??...

Highlights of the wedding...
Rehearsal dinner speeches.  Whew.  I was thankful that David went before I did so that he could go ahead and cross everyone's line of decency before I did.
I'd say he nailed it.
Mine went fine.  I teared up at the end, but it was only after a few comments that they will never let me live down.  I won't even repeat it on here, but the way I said what I said was taken out of context by everyone at my table (average age ~24 with the mind of a 17 year old boy).  We've laughed about it all weekend, and its safe to say I will not make that comment in a public setting again......maybe....ha....

The good thing was that my slip was soon forgotten thanks to mom.
She is unbelievable with a serious heart of gold.  I did not receive that gene. 
Due to the fact that she will cry at the drop of a hat and this was her baby getting married, she did not trust herself trying to deliver a speech in front of a crowd.  Next best option: sign language.
Yes, my mother did sign language to a song to 60 people with no hearing problem.
That's pretty much all I need to say about that...
My comment = forgotten.

The wedding was such a sweet ceremony, and then it was time to stretch and test the seams on my dress on the dance floor.
I seriously could not keep that thing up.
Yet despite setbacks, I was out there.  About 3 or 4 family members came up to me and said "Meredith, I've never seen you dance like that."  And I'm sitting there thinking...uhh, when would you ever have seen me do the Wobble...??!...Don't act so shocked people.  Get out there and shake what your momma gave you.  Then apologize if its horrible.

Other highlight of the weekend: wedding cake.
Wedding cake is the ultimate splurge for me and I literally want to plant my face in it.  Instant diabetes.  Ridiculous, I know.  I wake up with a sugar-hangover every single time, and today was no exception.  But it was so good. 
I'm good for another 3000 miles. 

Cardio today did not feel exceptionally great, but I kept my expectations low.  Tomorrow is back to the grind...thank God.
I'll leave you with some pictures from the weekend events...

Mr. and Mrs. Jordan Blair Parker
Congratulations you two! 

Parker Additions...

With every intention of sleeping until 6, I've been up since 4:52.  It gets ridiculous.  I've scrubbed my kitchen and cleaned the hardwoods, paid bills, and am now sitting down before heading to the gym.
It finally hit me this morning that my little brother is getting married in less than 48 hours.
Talk about a mini-meltdown.
I've cried numerous times, and I'm about 3 tears away from a serious state of dehydration.  I've got to get myself together before my toast tonight.  I'm not a pretty crier.  I will ball with the best of them, fail to breath during the whole thing, and potentially pass out.  It won't end well.  So at this point I'm not so much worried about saying something inappropriate (my mom's fear), as I am getting lost in a pool of tears as I think about the entire dating-of-tool-bags journey he's been on to get to this point.
That thought alone makes me shed a few more tears. 
To say that I've been protective of my little brother is an understatement. 
But we are SO excited for this weekend,...and I truly cannot wait to stand up there with him in front of hundreds of people as he says his vows, try to keep a straight face, and pray my A-cups can keep my dress in place.

Starting with a Bridal Luncheon, I feel like I will eat my way through this weekend...
No, I am not a huge fan of meal after meal being prepared by someone other than myself (shocker), but for the most part I can find fresh options and Sunday will be a nice return to the typical routine. 
I have a feeling that morning I will be exhausted and sore from busting a move the night before.  Not sure how I'm gonna pull off some of my go-to moves in that dress, but its gonna happen one way or another.  Brace yourself folks...

Well, I'm already sweating from my coffee...WHICH I received from a client yesterday!  Thank you Susie for fueling the addiction!  Giving me coffee is like giving Sheen a shot glass.  But I will never turn away the gift of freshly ground beans :)

 Onto my day...and an eventful weekend.  Here's to Jordan and Jan!  We love you and are truly thrilled to be adding to this nut-infested family tree...

Locked Out.

There are some days when I am made well aware that despite my OCD tendencies to be organized and well prepared, life will still kick me in the crotch.
Its 9pm and I just sat down for dinner.
The events of the last 3 hours leave me laughing simply because to cry and whine about it pointless, and it truly was comical...

I pulled into the driveway at 6:15.
Unloading the car and making my way to the front door, it suddenly dawns on me that I do not have a key...
Jordan has my key....my garage opener was in my car...which was in Raleigh with Ryan...and the only neighbors with a key were, of course, not home.  Awesome.
I call my parents to meet them halfway and get theirs,...so ~13 miles later I'm parked at a BP station waiting like an idiot for a copy of my own house key.
Sparkles and her side kick come rolling up happy as ever, (shocker), and dad proudly walks up with 2 sets of keys. 
I looked down and laughed.  There was no telling what those keys went to, but none of them were to my house.
Sparkles is still smiling.
I would have lost it right there 3 feet from a gas pump, but the way I envisioned my next meltdown had nothing to do with leaded/unleaded.  Plan C....or D...I lost count at this point.
I call my neighbor to see when he'll be home.  15 minutes.  Awesome.  I kiss the unhelpful couple goodbye, (although I am extremely grateful for their efforts), and head back home.
By this time I am exhausted and practically kicking myself for this entire mess.
Nonetheless, I get home and walk over to my neighbors house...
I am greeted by 2 adorable wide-eyed kids who had more energy than I've mustered up in the last 72 hours combined. 
Its now 7:30 and my mission to actually get into my house has yet to be accomplished.
As I'm standing there chatting, the next thing I know a 3 year old is licking my thigh.  At that point I simply resign myself to any notion that my Wednesday will be remotely normal.
"Don't worry about him, he thinks he's a dog."
Sweet.
I just stand there...fully prepared for him to sniff my rear and pop a squat to complete the entire I'm-a-dog experience.
...Somehow I knew my day would end like this....exhausted...with saliva on my leg.


I am pooped.
Glad to be in my house (thank you David/Jennie!).
And on that note, I probably need to hit the bed and prepare for whatever Thursday has to offer.
Here we go...

Top Chef Mess

I look like I just bathed in egg whites.  Which, I probably would not be opposed to who are we kidding?  But seriously, I was craving an omelet for dinner since I'd met my chicken quota by 4pm and couldn't handle the smell of salmon tonight.  So there I am halfway through,...and just to let you get a true picture of this, I like to eat my omelets open-faced, so I literally have to flip the entire 7 egg whites like an enormous pancake. 
Well, I got a little cocky.
Note to self:  Never get cocky in the kitchen.
I prepare for the flip and forget to actually move my body away from the flying chicks-that-never-were.  2 seconds later my chest is literally covered in egg white juice.   
Not gonna lie, I was slightly grossed out....and mad I wasted precious grams of protein on my attempt to win top chef in my own damn house.
Pretty sure I lost.

Nonetheless, here was my protein-packed dinner..

That is broccoli, cottage cheese, and a little Parmesan on top. 
It was a breakfast-dinner party in my mouth. 
No, I don't understand my fetish with mixing random foods together, but I like it so it needs no explanation. 
Just say a prayer for my kidneys processing all that protein...

Great day with clients today, but people (including myself) were d-r-a-g-g-i-n-g.  Apparently everyone went to bed late, slept horribly, and then woke up to face the day in a coma-like state.  But honestly, I was right there in that same boat.
My head was on the desk at 1:00 praying time would slow down and allow me a few minutes of sleep before I was tempted to whine about it.  And I would.  I struggled once again through my workout, and the thought of going through the effort to actually shower was horrible.  If I thought I could stand the smell of myself for the next 6 hours I would have said forget it.
You know you're tired when you justify compromising personal hygiene. 
I think about it at least twice a week.

On a side note, October 15th 2012...marks a big day in the life of Sparkles. 
I get a call last night.
Mom discovered "Wingdings" in Microsoft Word.
You would have thought the woman struck oil.  97% chance I will receive an email within the next 48 hours that will look like hieroglyphics.
Unbelievable.

Time to get ready to watch this debate.  Give me approximately 9 minutes into it and I'll have a mini-meltdown in my living room.  No, I don't really get into politics, but I do get irritated with wasted oxygen...

Go green.  

Fair Creepers and Nut Fanatics

It was back to the grind after an eventful weekend, and by 3pm I was struggling to even keep my eyes open.
I say all that like I was turning down parties due to a full social calendar.
I wasn't.
I was in bed by 10:30 both nights.  Story of my life.

The weekend officially began Friday night, dinner with friends, and next thing I know we're getting photographed with the Coors Light Girls. 
I've never seen or owned that much metallic spandex in all my life.  I was overwhelmed with trying to figure out a) how they physically got in those dresses, b) if the one who looked 14 was in fact out past her curfew disappointing her father, and c) how fast my husband would chug his free beer in efforts to snag another one.
What a dinner.  Never a dull moment.

Saturday continued with more people watching...
I went to the State Fair with my brother's family, and between the acrobat show, mullet spottings, and smell of animal dung e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e, I was completely entertained.  The girls had a blast, and were troopers for a solid 4 hours.
Not only did Payton get to meet the current love of her life, Curious George, but she was also determined that if it had nipples she was going to milk it like a champ.
She did.

Many people asked if I ate anything at the fair...ha...well, I definitely packed chicken and carrots for the road.  BUT, there is this one peanut vendor that I cannot resist.  I'm a moth to a flame.  For $1 Payton and I shared some honey roasted and chocolate covered peanuts.
Funnel cakes and fried butter do not really appeal to me, but you dip a nut in some cocoa and I will fight you for it.
It was a great day to say the least.

*   *   *

Today proved to be a fairly typical Monday.
Everyone brought their A game even if they were not feeling 100%.  Its just that time of year when the weather is unpredictable, school is stressing people out, and the thought of upcoming holidays and an overload of family events has people heavily medicated.
I get it.
I even support it if it means survival. 
All in all, great day.

I personally struggled through my own workout today.
I truly did not feel like it.  I was tired, cranky, and wanting to crawl in fetal position and dream of Tatum.  If you think trainers love every second of training and are always on this sort of "exercise high", you're crazy.  We don't love every second.  Hell, some days it is all we can do to change clothes and drag our worthless selves to the treadmill.
That was me today.
Honestly, in moments like that I have to stop thinking and just move.  An hour and a half later I was done and thankful it was over.  Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Ugh,...my kitchen smells like salmon....and pumpkin spice yankee candle.  Bad combo.  Time for some shut-eye...more to come tomorrow...

Night!

Flossing Fool

Friday morning.
Up and scrubbing toilets at 5:30.  I've stopped trying to understand it...I just roll with it.

This week has been tiring, but good.
First, let me address the 'ol trip to the dentist on Wednesday.  For the record, I've always hated people poking around in my mouth with instruments considered weapons on a plane.  Not a fan.  So you can imagine my excitement walking in there knowing I had a cavity.  I could feel it.
Well, apparently I've been chewing rock candy in between workouts.
4 cavities.
My mouth is rotting.
I nearly cursed right there in the chair....except I had 2 hands, a mirror, and a mini-vacuum hose in my mouth...
Ridiculous.

They took care of the worst one, and I have to come back in 6 months to fix the other 3.  At the rate I'm going, I'll have 2 more and a case of gum disease when I return.  I left with a numb mouth and needed to be in a meeting in 2 hours.
Yes, I walked into that meeting speaking from the left side of my mouth.  I had to apologize to the man just in case he was wondering why a 29 year old was talking like a stroke patient.  Thankfully, the Novocaine wore off about 20 minutes into our discussion.  I managed to avoid drooling on myself,...not to say I didn't feel it coming though.

Ugh,...6 months before more oral torture.  Boo.

Speaking of check-ups, a client said he went in for a doctor's visit this past week and it was the best report he's had in YEARS.  I was so excited for him.  At some point everyone has to realize that fitness and working out is more about overall health than just looking better naked (although a great incentive).  At whatever age, you want to be the healthiest version of YOU possible.  Period. 
He was thrilled and ready to roll into yesterday's workout.  May my day.

Well, time to get this show on the road.
Friday is going to be a busy day and then some much needed time with friends tonight.
Make it a great one folks!

Circus Act

The amount of vegetables I just consumed was ungodly. 
I may have overdosed on vitamin K. Things no one does on purpose....ever...

This will be short tonight, I've still got food to prepare and laundry to fold.  My attempts to be domesticated often just leave me tired and apathetic to the proper way to do anything.
I don't separate my laundry.
Horrible, I know.
If it bleeds, it bleeds...I'd rather not segregate my laundry.  Thus, I have several pairs of gray socks.  Its fine.  I like them. (No I don't)

6:30 this morning and I was completely out numbered in the gym...between Garrett and the clients, the gym was swarming with testosterone.  Amazingly, NO TALKING.  Such a stark contrast from 9am on a Monday morning.  Women everywhere and the oxygen literally being sucked out of the place.  It trips me out.  If they want to talk and move at the same time, fine.  But once a committee meeting starts mid-workout, I have to do an intervention and endure the look of death.  Apparently, I am a horrible human being for not allowing 5 minute conversation breaks during a workout...

One of the highlights of my day came in the afternoon as Brian and Garrett decided it would be a good idea to juggle rolls of athletic tape.  Long story short: Brian can juggle, Garrett can get pissed off trying.
It was comical.  Garrett was literally breaking a sweat and 3 tosses from a mini meltdown. 
Of course I tried.
Failed miserably.
2 hands, 3 rolls of tape.  Common sense says the numbers don't add up.  I might as well have been blind folded and suffering from a severe case of trigger finger.  It was bad.
But I hope they got a good laugh.

Well, I'm about to go show 2lbs of chicken who's boss.  Have a great night folks!

Pre-wedding Smack Down

I'm currently still at the gym watching my little brother lift less weight than me.
This is great.  Ha.
He tells me last night he wants to come workout for the sake of his honeymoon....which is in 2 weeks.  I have no sympathy for procrastinators.  Sorry Jan, I am not a miracle worker.  Just turn off the lights and pray for the best.

In an attempt to get an action shot, it looks more like he's about to hurl, pass-out, or both.  Thank you blackberry for having the camera-reflexes of a stoned walrus.

Another great Monday.
I was ready to roll this morning despite getting less sleep than planned.  And being that Mother Nature decided to punk-slap everyone today, it was a mind over matter kind of morning.  One day its 80....the next its 70...and the next its 50, rainy, and you're curled up in fetal position on the floor.  Unbelievable.

For the most part everyone was right on point today.  Complaining was to a minimum, which is always a plus.  Not that it really bothers me to be honest.  Whine, complain, moan, whatever...just get it done.  I'm always amazed by how many people think something's wrong if they don't enjoy every aspect of training.  I say there's something wrong if you do. 
Keep pushing.

My own workout today was a good one.  I was pretty much on a mission to slaughter my arms and evidently succeeded because brushing my hair afterward took way too much effort.
I was tempted to opt for the my-hair-is-disgusting-and-I-stopped-caring look. 
Check Facebook.
Some folks should win an award for their efforts, or lack there of, in this department.
No judgment.  Right now I look like I got in a fight with myself...and lost.

Ok, I'm spent.  A few more emails to send and then I'm hitting the bed.  Here we go Tuesday....

Automatic Flush

I think I've lived in a state of irritation the last 2 days.  Over the most random things I nearly lost my cool in public several times since Thursday.  Its not that I need anger management meetings, but I'm like the level just before that...

Prime example:...I go to the mall on Friday afternoon.  As a female you naturally know which bathrooms to go to in the mall and which to avoid like the plague.  You ladies know exactly what I'm talking about.
But Friday nearly sent me over the edge.
I can appreciate modern technology and convenience, but the sensory flushers are a solution to something that was never a problem.  I walk in, barely blink, and all of a sudden there's a tsunami taking place 3 feet from my face.  Then, when you actually need the stupid thing to flush it goes into a coma and you're practically having a turrets meltdown in your stall.
You can imagine my level of anxiety after trying to activate the flush,...the faucet,...and the hand dryer all in the span of 3 minutes.
I was hating life right there in a mall restroom.
Ridiculous.

On a much more positive note, I got to keep my nieces for a little while this weekend.  We had a blast.  Payton had to basically teach me how to strap on her bike helmet.  Yes, I initially put in on backwards and couldn't figure out why the reflectors were nearly covering her eyes.  Ha.  Good to know I am now officially a health hazard to them as well as myself.

The "Surprise Face"....

A true App State fan...

They are a mess.  I truly laugh so hard when I'm with them.....until someone craps their pants.  Its all fun and games until that happens.


*  *  *

Getting ready for Monday.
I've got a busy week ahead with work and a couple of meetings,...oh, and a dreaded trip to the dentist on Wednesday.
Ugh.
I've always hated going to the dentist.  100% chance I have a cavity.  100% chance I will vent about it that night.  Brace yourself.

Ok, new week folks.  Get your mind right and make it great.  Your choice.  Everyday.

Off the Tee

I've officially resigned myself to the recliner.
The odds of me moving from this position within the next 2 hours are pretty darn slim.  It was a long, but great day.
This was my view for h-o-u-r-s....

It was the first day of Treyburn's member/guest tournament and I was set up by the range answering questions about golf training, TPI, and everything in between.  I was practically swimming in testosterone.  I'm not complaining.
I literally have not talked to one female all day.  Well, until I call mom....at which point estrogen and glitter will pour from the phone.


Its been a tiring week, but definitely some highlights thrown in there.
Yesterday I had one of my this-is-why-I-adore-what-I-do-and-I'm-sorry-you-hate-your-job  moments...
I wrote about a young kid a couple weeks ago who made a decision to be more proactive about his athletic goals and commitment in all aspects of his health/training.  He started packing his own lunch, preparing his post-workout protein, and honestly busted his tail in the gym.
He came in yesterday.
Down 14 pounds in 3 weeks.
I was so proud of that kid, and I truly hope he feels empowered and that much more motivated because HE took responsibility for himself.  So cool.  Now if I could just beat that personal drive into some of my other clients...

Short and sweet tonight folks...I can hardly think straight.  More to come tomorrow...

Letting Go

At least dozen times during my day a client will give me the I'm-not-sure-what-you're-about-to-tell-me-to-do-but-I-hate-you-right-now look.  Some don't even realize they are doing it....and others are practically burning a whole in my face with it.  Gotta love Tuesdays.  They are Monday's hangover and Wednesday's pregame.  Today felt more like a hangover...minus the walk of shame...

Garrett was training a young female this morning, (I say "young" like I'm 60 years old), and I couldn't help but overhear and then interject in the conversation.  She said she wanted arms just like Michelle Obama...arms that "would make other girls jealous".
It always amazes me that we (especially females) pick out these "ideals" to strive for that will NEVER HAPPEN.  I say never because they're not OUR bodies.  That's like saying your best self is not only not good enough, but its so inadequate that the only image worth striving for is that of someone else.
How sad.
When we constantly put someone else on that pedestal, we naturally demote ourselves and potential.  Challenge:
Let go of those ideals.
Push yourself.
Be open to the changes.
Appreciate progress.
Strive for YOUR best, and be proud of your own portrait of fit.


I promise if you truly make an effort to do so, it will blow your mind and be the most empowering journey you'll experience.


*   *   *

In other news, Oscar has thrown up 7 times in the past 24 hours.
Yes, I love my cat.
BUT, being the rarely-sympathetic-horrible person I am, after the 3rd pile I reach a whole new level of intolerance.  I no longer feel sorry for my cat.  At that point, I am ready to solve the swallowing-of-hair-and-then-regurgitate it problem.  I am 2 seconds from shaving him and not thinking twice about it.
Ridiculous, I know.
But you didn't see the 7" hair-log in my hallway.  It could have been mistaken for a ferret.  A nasty ferret.

And that's pretty much my day in a nutshell.  Hope it was a good one folks.
Lora, enjoy your birthday tomorrow :)

Busting a Move....and Possibly a Hip

What a day.  What a weekend.
Its amazing that I can even call myself a thriving 29 year old.  It was a ladies-weekend for my soon to be sister-in-law, and my ability to stay up past midnight and remotely operate like a decent human being was quickly a fail in all aspects of the attempt.  I fought it like a bad rash the first night and made it to 10:47.  Horrible. 
My inner party girl has been in a coma since the latter part of 2002.  And while my liver may thank me, my friends expect very little from my post-9pm self. 
I completely get it and apologize to all witnesses.  My prime is from roughly 7am until 7:45...a short, yet enthusiastic and exciting 45 minutes...

Honestly though, it was a great weekend with Jan and her friends.  There were lots of laughs and I was able to work on my dance moves for the wedding.  We went to a local restaurant/bar Saturday night and I'm not sure which was better, the highly intoxicated woman singing karaoke to "Lady in Red" or the couple nearly busting a hip while shagging to Vanilla Ice.  Their shag was legit, and honestly made any fancy attempt at the Wobble look like child's play.
But no, it didn't stop this train from rolling.
To be honest I had no intentions of dancing that night,...I was perfectly content people watching and justifying any decision I've ever made in a bar based on my observations.  Always good for a little pick-me-up.
BUT, when the bride-to-be points at you and directs you to the dance floor, you get up and gyrate like your life depends on it.

....great experience with the future Mrs. Parker....3 weeks until the big day!

Getting back in the gym today was good, and I was ready to light a fire under some of my clients' backsides.  We all need a little heat back there every now and then.  I swear some Mondays I need to give a sobriety test to a select few....you know who you are.  Stop it.  Your liver hates you. 

Personally, my workout today went better than expected. 
Even though I was coming off of a full day of rest, I felt stiff and sort of out-of-rhythm by the time I had to strap into the spandex.  It was a mind over matter issue today.  But now its done,....thankfully.

On a closing note...
My drive home never ceases to amaze me. 
After 6pm, I swear our street morphs into the Chuck-E-Cheese ball pit.  Kids everywhere.  Its unbelievable.  And no matter how slow you drive through the kid-infested area, everyone around you makes you feel like you're going 60mph.  They stare as if your car was constructed by the Devil himself.  And out of sheer panic you double check your speedometer time and time again as if convinced that the apparent "12mph" is a lie and in fact, you are actually going 60 as predicted. 
Its exhausting.
My favorite is the sign "Drive Slowly, We Love Our Children."  Basically saying that if your neighborhood does not have this sign, you hate your kids and are therefore a horrible person.  Unbelievable.

Ok, its seriously bedtime.  Monday done.  Here we go Tuesday...