35 Years Later...

A little mid-Monday post coming your way.
In about an hour or so this freight train will be headed for a wall, so I figured I better start typing before sanity goes and the filter is off.
Joking,...sort of...

It was a weekend full of coffee meetings with friends and one heck of a lazy Sunday afternoon.  My butt landed on the couch around 4pm, and at that point I was fighting a losing battle.  I dozed off and on for a couple of hours before actually getting up and facing life once again.
I have nothing to say for myself except that I was tired and needed some mindless time.  Honestly, had Oscar not jumped on my chest like a mini-tramp, I could have laid there another 2 hours.
Feline ruins it every time...

Trained dad this morning, and there is no denying his work ethic...that man will absolutely push himself until I'm sure he questioned the benefit of my existence.  However, he has become the official gym greeter and I'm afraid we may have to start cutting him a check.
He will literally speak to everyone.
Kind?  Absolutely.
But every now and then I'm like "Dad,...hey dad,....seriously dad....DAD!", and then I digress to being the horrible middle child again for the sake of a workout that doesn't involve 12 conversations.  It is comical and yet par for the course.
Going out in public with him is like walking with a non-celebrity that acts like a celebrity.  Waves, smiles, says hello..."Dad, who was that?"...
"I don't know."
"You realize that is creepy for 97% of the population, right?"
(fully ignoring the comment in mid-wave to stranger #63) "Hey how are ya?!"
...dear lord...
Gotta love the man.
And speaking of, a big Happy Anniversary wish to him and Sparkles...today marks 35 years..

They've clearly figured something out or either have great prescriptions.  Perhaps a combination of both.
In love as ever....so I let the PDA slide...

Back to the grind...
Long Monday, and hard to believe tomorrow is October.  Pretty soon I'll be slapping up Christmas decorations and justifying a $7 fajita maker on Black Friday because its 2am and by God what a deal.
That one was for you Kelly ;)
Great memories...

Here's to another Monday!

Just Give Me A Bed...

I fell asleep sitting straight up today at the desk.
It was 2pm and after a steady morning, not enough sleep, and a new golf eval, I was one doze away from a coma or a narcoleptic face-plant into the floor.
Honestly, I need to turn off my phone, line up shots of nyquil, take them like a champ in my pj's (naturally), and then actually sleep like a somewhat normal human being.
Rocking the tired-and-haggard look isn't exactly something I want to master....but darn if I don't seem to be doing it well...

It was a steady day that was capped off with a phone call to a client on the way home.
She was updating me with sort of "where she was" in terms of her fitness journey - mentally, emotionally, physically, etc... and she said something that was truly sad to me.
Amidst her unbelievable growth and perspective over the course of the last couple of years, she nailed in on something that I think is a very profound theme and sadly common...
While elaborating on the current chapter of life she's entering and what that means in terms of fitness goals, she said "I don't want to be like my dad."  
Yes, you could insert mom here as well in some cases, but the point is her initial understanding of health and healthy living was unfortunately a bad one....and now years later it has become the very thing she's trying to avoid.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't see this quite often.  Shocking?  Not really.  We learn behavior good/bad from our parents and that absolutely includes nutrition and exercise.  Explains why if one parent is obese the children have a 50% chance of being in the same boat...if both are, that number skyrockets to 85%.  They are sadly fighting an uphill battle earlier than they understand what the heck is going on.
Not fair no matter how you slice it.
Long story short, its just unfortunate to see determining effort placed on actively avoiding the health state of a parent....a state that could have been initially avoided with proper lifestyle changes.
Sad for all parties involved.
HOWEVER, with all that said, I am extremely proud of you (you know who you are), for not only continuing to better yourself, but being honest with yourself and remaining true to your journey.  You may feel like you are crawling sometimes, but girl you are sprinting faster than you'd ever imagine. :)

Well, it is 8:30 and this train is about to come to a halt.  Another long day ahead, but excited to catch up with a few friends this weekend over coffee, chicken, whatever...

$5 Heart Disease and Minivan Roadtrip

God bless the kids in my neighborhood.
They will play outside until drenched in sweat and developing hip bursitis from cycling for hours on end.  I guess if you're gonna do it, do it right.
But every now and then they make me feel like a jerk.
Today was my lucky day.
I was backing into my driveway when 2 of them ride up and ask if I want to buy some doughnuts.....oh the irony.
At that point I am faced with a dilemma of sorts.  Do I want doughnuts?  No.  Do I want to pay for something I don't want for the sake of their feelings.  Ok honestly, no.  Do I necessarily want that extra box of diabetes floating around for someone else to buy?  No. 
Ugh,...so I smile, say no thanks, and then watch as an 8 year old heart is crushed as he mentally spouts swear words over a dozen doughnuts and a heartless neighbor in spandex.
Such a dreamkiller, I know...

But the whole sell-doughnuts-for-the-sake-of-something kills me.  And honestly not just from a health standpoint, although there seems to be a little irony in giving $5 and receiving an increased heart attack risk and side of extra back fat. 
We humans are not as smart as we like to think sometimes.
Perhaps we should consider alternatives,...like just donating money.  Generosity....what a concept.
 
Boys, if you replace those doughnuts with egg whites, I will make it rain....slight stretch, but perhaps I will continue to let you leave plastic artillery in my yard for sport.

* * *
Great day at the gym.
Typical Tuesday I guess,...and yet not typical.
I met with a new client today, and it sounds like he is on board and ready to roll.  It took me a few years to grasp the whole its-not-my-job-to-convince-you-that-you-need-to-change-your-lifestyle mindset, but it was the best mind-shift I made.
Mainly because well, its true.
Fact is, people will change when they want it enough.  Whatever "it" is.
Unfortunately, we live in a society that will point fingers faster than a 5 year old, and has somehow lost a huge sense of personal responsibility for anything pertaining to self.
Funny, because here's the cold, and very harsh truth:
No one truly cares about your excuses.  Why?  Because they are just that: excuses. 
Wrong or bad?  No,...because coddling someone in their self-dug pit does nothing but put 2 people in there.
Hard to hear for some, I know...but tis true.

* * *

I mentioned the other day I'd post about the football game Saturday night.
Ah yes, Elon versus Appalachian.
First, it was me against 3 familial App fans.  I was out numbered.  Am I a huge Elon football fan?  Eh, I went there, yes, but there were many a game when I'm pretty sure the bar was packed before kickoff......and the game wasn't on TV.
Nonetheless, I rocked my Elon sweatshirt in the App section and prayed for no confrontation.  Mainly because I was soaking wet and covered in a poncho.  No one ever kicked ass in a poncho.  Period.
Mom sent them from the dollar store.
Not knocking on the dollar store, I'm just saying it was probably serran wrap with a hood...that just looked like a ginormous body condom...

 We had a blast,..packed in a minivan complete with a portable toddler potty and extra seating...

We waste nothing.
This is how a grown man tailgates with what little dignity he can muster while sitting in some cookie crumbs and possible dried urine from a faulty pull-up.
No chance the people beside us could cast judgement....

This was Boone-style beer pong.
No shirt,...no solo cups,...no table.  You rip off your shirt, hold tight to your 12 ounces of hope, and toss a tennis ball 15 yards and pray for the best.
Oddly enough, I respect that.  Then again, I was just a few feet away sitting in the back of a van eating salsa next to a toddler potty.
I judge myself.

We had fun to say the least, and survived the rain, Elon's loss, and everything in between.
I'll leave you with a few more pictures from a Saturday with the Parker siblings (we missed you Jan!!)...

Birthday Girl and Danny The Dino

What a weekend.
I swear every Sunday I suffer from post traumatic stress syndrome.  I'd blame myself except its easier to point the finger, let's be honest.
It was a weekend of family,...which is always entertaining.
Sparkles turned 59 on Friday, and today we celebrated with well,..sparkles, pork chops, and a mechanical dino named Danny.  I'll get back to him in a second...
But first, ah yes, the birthday girl...
Happy birthday mom, I love you, and wouldn't be who I am today without the emotional scarring of my childhood,...ok and your constant cheerleading.  Both are appreciated on some level,...perhaps the same level oddly enough...

Gathered around the table, it was a family lunch consisting of enough meat to feed the 5000 with/without the help of Jesus.  My dad gets carried away with the grill...no seriously, I think he has a problem.
Most people leave a birthday get-together with a party favor,....I left with a 8oz pork chop in a baggy.
I won't complain.
Like candy to a baby.

Ok, let me briefly explain the dino...
I can't remember if they got it at a yard sale or from their neighbors, but that is only a minor detail to the sight that sits in the living room like a piece of ride-able modern art.
Actually, its more like a mechanical bull for toddlers, but being a dinosaur makes it "ok" I guess.
The thing literally growls, eats, blinks, wags his tail,...its ridiculous.  The original owners said it was a gift to their son from grandparents.  For the record, a $600 mechanical dino is not a gift.  Its a I-feel-guilty-I-never-see-you-so-here's-a-huge-obnoxious-toy-that-will-probably-make-your-parents-sentimental-gift-look-like-crap package.
Nonetheless, it is now property of Pops and Granna, and offers entertainment for hours.

So after some cake, which was apparently laced with energy shots and some cra-cra juice, things got unruly in the Parker house.
Danny was one ride away from a blow out, hernia, or both.

We are easily entertained.
And quite honestly, I am jealous of the dino.  We never had that growing up.  We had dad's back,...which was good for about 3 laps around the living room and then it was back to blocks and barbies.  And no one informed me that once you cut barbie's hair, it won't grow.  At 5 years old after a 22 second mediocre back ride and experiencing bald-barbie, you might as well have dropped the Santa bomb on me and called it a night.
You see where the emotional scarring comes into play...

And that was Granna's 59th birthday celebration....

I still have to touch on the football game Saturday night, but that may have to wait until tomorrow...more pictures with that as well...but this is how it began..

 I seriously wouldn't trade my family experiences for anything.
But a little more butt-room would have been optimal in this case....

Well, tomorrow looks to be a busy day, and busy week ahead.  I've got several new clients starting and a new article in the works.  Pretty pumped about this one.
Ok fine, I get pretty excited about all of them, I know.  I can't help it.
I start writing and then all of a sudden I get carried away and the next thing I know I've written more than enough and my arthritis is flaring up.
Problematic.
And as always, I am open to suggestions/questions/etc...often times its your questions that spark the idea.  Unless its a dumb one,...yes, I believe in stupid questions.  I know I know, that is not what they teach you in school, but they also teach that you can be whatever you want to be when you grow up.  Ehhh,...I'd argue that.  My dreams of becoming an politician were pretty much shot down after a few mooning incidences in high school. 
I'm lying (ah see, I would have been great),...actually I never dreamed of that,...for the sake of humanity as a whole...

Its about that time.
Have a wonderful night folks, and its back to the grind tomorrow!!

Granola Rants and A Few Pics

I had a handful of people email/text me today a link to an article rant about the Whole Foods shopping experience.  I think its been circulating social media, and honestly one of the funniest things I've ever read.
If you're easily offended, bypass it like the plague,.....and then stop taking yourself so seriously...no one else does, I promise.
But thank God I am not the only one who leaves that place nearly losing all faith in humanity and swearing off "going green" just out of spite for the overpriced breast-o-chicken and jackass on aisle 3.
All that to say THANK YOU for those of you who sent this.  I laughed until I cried,....and was once again reminded of how tame my rants are ;)
Ah yes, perspective...
Will I still shop there?
Absolutely.
I like to think of it as a test.  A test of patience, determination, and pure will power not to rearend a prius or bare-handedly graze at the "Granola Bar" (clever name you witty marketers), simply because if I bag that extra walnut I'm out another $2.
I leave feeling stronger, more aware,...and smelling like a horrible incense combination of lavender, pine, and lysol.
Give me 12 days to recover and darned if I'm not back in there.....unbelievable...


Well, it was a long day, and I literally just sat down for dinner...
Up and back at it in ehh, roughly 7 hours.  There better be some vicodin laced in this chicken...
Dear Whole Foods, your welcome for the idea.  Worth every bit of $12/pound.

I will leave you with a few shots from my shoot with Teddy.  I posted some on my facebook page (search Meredith P Falcon, CPT)...and join the craziness of my everyday facebook peeps.
Seriously, thank you to those who sent some awesome feedback.  It means a lot, and I appreciate it a great deal.
Teddy was great to work with and email me if you want his contact or info!

Picture Not So Perfect

There are moments when I am truly thankful for the iphone camera.
Like when I've come home after a long day, wash my face, head back downstairs, but notice this:...

I don't know what they were playing, but I support it.
Poor kid is either crashing from a fun-dip bender or completely failed at hide and seek....or a combination of both.
But he is pretty much the portrait of a Monday evening if I've ever seen one.
What a day...

Always fulfilling, but definitely a long day.
By the time I got on the phone with Sparkles to discuss life, liberty, and the pursuit of everything shiny, I had to put a word limit on the whole thing.  After 12 minutes I had reached a new level of sarcasm that I knew would not go over too well. 
I know my limits.
And mom doesn't do sarcasm,...oh the irony that I would spring from her loins.

Great day with clients, but definitely a wake up call for a few in terms of nutrition.  Its like people hit the weekend and practically blow the locks off pandora's box.  Its ridiculous.
I completely understand having a day to "ease up" or "treat yourself", however you want to put it is up to you, but some of the confessionals thrown on me Monday morning are honestly out of control.
Yes, I appreciate the candidness, but its all I can do not to shake them into a neck injury.
And what is down right comical to me is when they post pictures on facebook of a meal that is coronary heart disease on Chinet.
First, live life on the edge,...use a real plate,...wash it,...what a concept.
Second, why is it necessary to broadcast that,...especially knowing your trainer will see?  Piece of advice, if you're going to avidly reiterate to me your goals of losing weight and being dedicated to what you want most, don't post pictures on a regular basis of the crap going in your mouth.
Is it to say you can never have it?  Absolutely not.
BUT, your photo album shouldn't go: food,...child,...food,...food,...child,....food and child,...
You get the idea.
I get frustrated with some folks, yes, but remind them at the end of the day it boils down to what they want MORE.
That is called discipline.
I think I just raised my blood pressure....

That's all I got for a Monday.
Tomorrow will start off with a bang and then onto a very busy rest of the week/weekend.  Have a great night folks!

Earmuffs and Dew Sweepers

Saturday at 4am...wide awake...roll over...fall back asleep...awake at 4:30...more sleep....6am, new level of nuts and finally just get up.
My ability to sleep beyond 4 is completely hindered by the fact that I never do it...and perhaps my internal clock is sneaking amphetamine.  However, I am working on it...for the sake of my afternoon sanity.

The end of my week was long, but good.  I started with a new golfer, and judging by the number of f-bombs he dropped during a single session I'd say it went rather well.
I finally just had to laugh, and at one point he said "Fudge.  Is that better?".....ha, actually, I can't take that seriously.  It was an attempt, yes, but I know the implication so you might as well let it fly and do us both a favor and liberate the 4-letter beast.
I judge not.
Do what you got to do in those moments.  No, I don't need someone sounding like an Eminem remix at the top of their lungs, but struggle is struggle and I have to grant them freedom to "get through" however they need to.
I just wouldn't bring any 6 year old around some of my clients mid-squat....unless you got some good earmuffs and a guarantee that I won't be blamed for any adolescent anger management issues.

I absolutely love working with my golfers.
Watching their body mechanics and movement patterns shift to a more efficient and powerful transition is very cool.  And it absolutely makes my day to hear a man who has been playing for years with pain say that he is pain free on the course and feeling great.
I think they are always pretty amazed by how much correlation there is between improving strength imbalances, posture, mobility issues, etc..and their actual swing.  Not to get on a tangent, but for all you golfers out there, the bottom line is that trying to fix a swing issue without addressing the body issues is like trying to fix a foundation with duct tape.  Good luck.
My guys put in the work and are truly dedicated to not only improving their game, but also being aware of their body's tendency to resort to old habits when tired.  And it thrills me to no end when they can actively reposition without my cue because they feel it and are aware of their loss of posture/pelvic position/weight shift/etc....
Love it.

Well, its 10:30 and I've cleaned the house, paid bills, and ran 7 miles...I just might tap out for the day.  Ok, not really. 
I need to go vacuum my car.  Yesterday I found a protein bar wrapper from roughly 4 months ago.  Not shocking.
A few things you will always find in my car:
protein bar, tuna packet, clean underwear, running shoes, and a razor.  I like to be prepared for life......or apparently a gang fight.

Pictures from the shoot will be in my hands Monday,...will post soon!
Have a great Saturday folks,....if you are in North Carolina and not out enjoying this weather you are a horrible human being......sort of... ;)

Remembering........and Exciting News

9-11.
Honestly, my mind was pretty distracted all day with memories from that Tuesday morning.
I'm pretty sure everyone remembers where they were, and what occupied them at the time.
I was a freshman at Elon University, and being a Tuesday, was sleeping in until I had class at 10:30.  When I woke it was surreal, but I'll never forget how beautiful that day was.  Such a stark contrast to the nightmare unfolding on our soil.
TV's were blaring the news in everyone's room, and by the time another plane was located, my roommate was frantically trying to get a hold of her father, who worked in Washington at the time.
I felt helpless and scared.  And for the first time in my life it was as though the veil of naivety was being lifted, and I truly saw the world we live in.
Eye-opening for an 18 year old.

So for those of you who lost loved ones, friends, coworkers,...please know that we still remember, and we still lift you up in our thoughts and prayers...

*  *  *

I will end this short post on an uplifting note...
Last night I drove back to Durham (yes, I drove all the way home,...forgot where I was actually supposed to be,...cursed myself,..then got back in the car)....to hear the announcement that I will have another little set of feet to cover with adorable shoes....

Niece #3 on the way!
Start buying stock in Tampax.
Dad jokingly said he was going to send out a "How-To" instructional on making boys....
My guess is it involved some Kenny G and few bad decisions.....explains a lot, believe me.

Alright folks, it was short and sweet and now time for a few more emails then some much needed zzzz's....

Give A Hug,...Not A Debbie Cake

I am spent.
Even after getting in bed at 9:00 last night, it was all I could do to get home without falling asleep.  I got mom on the phone, put it on speaker, and turned the volume all the way up.
No shot I was going to sleep through that.
It was all fun and games until the dreaded "We have to talk about something you said..".....oh geez, the list of possibilities scrolled through my head like meter tape, and there was no telling where this was headed, but 99.97% of the time its in reference to something borderline offensive that spewed from my mouth.
I don't wish dementia on that woman,...but rather temporary memory loss when my filter is loose.
Needless to say I was fully awake for the last 15 minutes of that ride...

It was a good day with clients, and I was excited to meet my new ones I'm throwing in the mix as well...
I truly learn so much just listening to where they are in life, what they desire for themselves, and the hurdles they are obviously trying to overcome along the way.
I had a new woman today who, like so many, has done the whole "diet" thing forwards, backwards, no carb, no fat, just juice, ah the list could go on.  I've heard it a lot though.  But it never ceases to amaze me how often I hear some version of "Well, I know the chips and cookies shouldn't be in the house, but I have 2 kids...."
Somebody please give me a dollar every time I hear this.  Or 50 cents.  I don't care.

Question: From a health standpoint, so weight-loss goals aside, if its not healthy for you to eat those things WHY would you promote that your kids do?!  And I purposefully use the word promote because it is more than simply "tolerating" them eating it if you are, in fact, the one buying the crap.  You are then endorsing it.  Period.
So back to the original question.  The fact is that its not healthy for them either, and yet this is often the excuse as to why the mess is in the house to begin with.
They eat it, you inevitably eat it,...its a lose/lose.

Let me propose a thought that directly hits at some of the twisted motivation behind this I'm-a-hoorible-parent-if-I-don't-provide-what-the-buger-wants mentality...
The essence of your child's beliefs and ideas surrounding "health" and "self-respect" begins with you.  With what you tell them, what you provide for them, and how you treat your own body.
Good or bad, YOU are the first portrait of health they see.
Furthermore,...and this might blow some minds out there,...assuming your love and affection for them is unconditional, (as most would state it is), then correlating the extent to which you love your child or your worth as a mother/father with the amount of junk food you allow your child to eat seems contradictory.
Just a thought.

I think it was a breakthrough for my dear lady this afternoon, and I hope she walks through the door with a new sense of self-worth and confidence that she is changing her habits not only for the betterment of herself, but of her household as well.
Its tough,...but never said it would be easy.

My own workout was brutal today probably because my eating was slightly off.  Getting up at 3:30 shifted everything up a bit, and yes I was brewing more coffee at 2pm.
Tonight I will hit the bed like a champ and pray for a borderline coma by 9:22.
If it goes anything like last night I will wake up at 1am to the sound of fireworks.  Yes, fireworks.  You can imagine my "What in the..?!" outburst.....just after I nearly wet the bed...

On that note, I am about to be down for the count.  Big day ahead people, get your mind right!

Its Fine Dad, I'll Walk...

If it wasn't for the bugs I would honestly sleep outside in this weather.
Unbelievable.
However, I simply cannot handle the thought of something crawling on me in the night...or day for that matter.  I will freak out....possibly hurting myself, and then spend the next few weeks explaining the injury.
Thus, I stay indoors, open a window, and pretend I'm being one with nature.
Don't screw with my zen.

Well, my body is still recovering from the last few days...
The photoshoot was Friday morning, and by the time I was done I was ready for my 4th cup of coffee and maybe a glass of wine to wash it down.
I thought it went great, and am excited to post some pictures later this week.  There were several frustrating moments when I'd look back through the shots and criticize my facial expressions.  I struggle with the "in between" look.  Not happy, not intense,...just a casual gaze if you will.  Its as if my face immediately looks pissed off or constipated.  Neither of which are appealing, lets be honest.
I will post a few non-constipated ones in a few days...

What a day.
It began at 5am...of course I was up ready to roll before most decent human beings on a Sunday.  I can't help it.
Like trying to stop a train.
HOWEVER, yours truly was down for a nap by 10:30.....(my sleeping patterns and bladder are more comparable to that of a 6 year old with a UTI and hypersomnia).
Then it was time to hit the road...Grandpa's funeral service was today.
I get about 15 minutes down the road when something in my engine just goes nuts.  The battery light comes on, car starts heating up, and as I'm pulling over I lose power steering.
Awesome timing.
I will say though, I'd be extremely screwed if it happened at 5am headed to work.
Dad eventually shows up, and before I know it I'm practically dry-heaving out the window.  To say that my dad plays patty-cake with the gas peddle is an understatement. 
Speed up, slow down, fast, slow, slower, BREAK, speed up, gun it, BREAK,....after 3 minutes I was hoping one good break-slam would lead my forehead straight into the dashboard and take me out of my misery.
We got to our destination in one piece.
"Dad, I need a second, I'm going to throw up."
"Well, go ahead...throw up."
Such compassion,....and easy for him to say.  He was the one controlling that mini-nightmare.
Long story short, car is towed and I'm driving their truck for a few days.
This should be outlawed...

Long Monday ahead.  First client at 5:30, last client at 6:30,....and this is why I have a slight coffee addiction. ;)
Nah, I am pumped though...a couple of new evals tomorrow thrown in the mix, which is always interesting.  Yes, I study them like a hawk...
Well, its about that time.  Beauty rest....for the sake of everyone tomorrow...

Stripper With Amnesia

Well, it was not my typical Thursday that's for sure.
I took the day off to get some things done and not feel so rushed for tomorrow morning before pictures.  Its already going to be crazy...
Applying body paint and then fake hooker-like lashes at 4am is always a test of coordination, patience, and sanity.
Mom was going to do apply the tan tonight, but with everything going on since my grandpa's death, she's extremely busy.  Understandable.
Thus, I am going to try and wing it myself,....mainly because of the list of friends who would willingly paint my bare rearend, I feel as though that is not a last minute phone call type thing.
"Pick me up from the bar"....fine.
"I am a mess and need to talk"...I'm on my way.
"Come paint my body brown".....seriously what is wrong with you and why do you suddenly hate me?
...That particular request needs a little mental preparation and a few shots of anything 80 proof.
Poor souls.
The day they signed up for this friendship they had no idea what it involved...

First day in months I haven't had any vegetables.  Absolutely none.  Last time that happened I had the norovirus and literally thought I was going to meet Jesus face down in the toilet.
Today it was only to avoid bloating for tomorrow.  Nothing hotter than a bloated chick in spandex. 
Pretty mush story of my life on any given day...

Little highlight from my morning...
I went to Kohl's this morning to pick up a few things.  As I'm wandering around like the retail nomad I am, this man makes eye contact, smiles, and says hi.  Naturally, to avoid the awkward I-am-trying-to-appear-nice-but-you-are-creeping-me-out look, I smile back.  I need to stop doing that...
He then asks "Do I know you?"....ugh..."No, I don't think so."  Then he proceeds to say I look familiar and ask if I am a dancer.
.....which, is basically the nice way of asking me if I am a stripper.
I laughed. 
I told him I was allergic to metal.  Thus, my dreams of flying around a pole like peter pan were shot.
"Are you sure?".....wait, what?  Like I suddenly developed amnesia and forgot I stripped for a living last weekend, but today I'm casually shopping through the home decor fully clothed...
Idiot.
That was pretty much the end of the conversation. 
All before 11am....I need to just stay at home.
And no, I'm not allergic to metal,...I simply didn't cross the line of total familial dysfunction to send me searching for myself "in the rain"...

Well, I am spent.
Busy morning, and hopefully I will have some photos up soon!  Night folks...

To Pop.

Since it wasn't exactly Monday and still the first day of a work week, go figure that Tuesday would step in and declare a re-do.
Such crap.
I get ready, stumble downstairs, feed Oscar, and then make my way to the holy grail...aka the coffee pot.  I swear if that thing breaks one morning there will be obscenities heard around the world....or maybe just my neighbors...whatever, it will be bad, very bad.
There I am literally slicing into my egg whites when I hear what sounds like a the start to most Sunday mornings on a college campus. (*If you are eating while reading this I apologize for where this is headed).
Apparently Oscar had an eventful Labor Day, didn't inform anyone, and was now paying for it.
That fat feline literally threw up back into his bowl.....and on the floor.....then proceeds to stare at me like "what?"...
Needless to say I really had to just scarf down my food without thinking about the cold Meow Mix I served, and the warm Meow Mix I cleaned up. 
Next year I'm getting a turtle.

The gym was busy today,...and nothing shy of some truly great moments with clients.  I laugh out loud so often at work with folks, and it always amazes me that we never run out of life's irony to laugh at and keep from going crazy.
One of my newbies had her first workout this morning.  (This was the woman who looked me in the eye and said "Meredith, I want you to hurt me.")  Hey, if you put it out there, well then by God I will deliver.
She did great.  With about 15 minutes to go, she stands up, sucks some wind, and says that she's had 4 male trainers but never worked this hard.  Ugh, that hurts my soul.  But I'd be lying if I said I didn't hear it more than I prefer to.
Nothing against you men-of-the-gym, because believe me, there are some male trainers out there who have nearly put me to tears and left me struggling to walk.  BUT, there seems to be an issue sometimes with this idea of I-need-to-keep-you-comfortable-because-you-have-a-vagina mentality.  For the love of God...
If a client is clearly willing to almost kill herself and give everything, then you bring it just shy of a post-circuit fetal position pass out.  STUDY YOUR CLIENTS guys.  Don't assume a post-pregnancy mom wants to be cuddled and handheld.  She just pushed out a watermelon,...pretty sure she can handle what you throw at her if she's openly demanding your curve ball.  Go with it. 
It truly bothers me to hear about trainers basically leaving clients in comfort zones, not because the client refuses to leave (another issue in itself), but simply out of fear of the unknown emotional response they might receive...
Again, learn your people.  You are training a body, yes,...but it houses and is controlled by a much more complex being.  A personality.  An intricate web of quirks and ideologies that control what that body is doing and how it will respond to pain, struggle, and fatigue. 
YOU or I will not change their bodies.  THEY will.  It is our job to listen, observe, push/pull where needed (emotionally and physically), to elicit enough sense of "I can" that drowns out any doubts or fears that are ultimately holding them back from their greatest self. 
Then let them move.

....a little glimpse into my behind-the-scenes...



***

Well, I will end on a sad, but very fond note....that brief soap box I got on reminds me of my grandpa.  He always told me "find what you love to do, and then figure out a way to make money doing it."
I remember hearing that before I even knew what the weightroom was all about.  And I believe if I've succeeded in nothing else, I've successfully found what I love, am passionate about, and it just happens to put food on the table.
He passed away yesterday morning, and I am beyond grateful for his influence in my life.  He was an extremely intelligent man with a work ethic that inspires me to hit that 4am alarm with enthusiasm and excitedly face a new day.
He will be missed....greatly missed.
Here's to you Papa Frank.

My Baby.......But Not Really...

I'm alive,...but have no clue where the last 4-5 days went.
Despite being off work today, I crammed in as much as possible since 5am as any functional human being could. 
I hit a wall at 2pm,...laid on the bed, ...watched Millionaire Matchmaker,...felt broke yet completely normal,...and then was back at it by 3.  Yes, that is one of my guilty-pleasure shows.  Like a moth to a flame.
Perhaps it is me being naive and totally oblivious to the power of money, but the whole thing blows my mind.  I would last about 2 seconds with some of those people before I'd have to claim a bad case of gout and excuse myself.  Somehow I think it sounds better than "I'm glad you're a millionaire and its not that I don't like you,...I just wish your dad had used a condom."
Most people don't take that too well.
Understood.

So back to my craziness I call life...
The past few days have been a blur with work, writing, getting ready for this shoot, and trying to stay sane.  (The latter is quite the venture).
I am very pumped about the workouts that will be in the book...over 70 of them, so strap on the big boy/girl pants and get your mind right.  I included all levels of experience and all types of methods...drop sets, supersets, pre-fatigue sets, giant sets, timed, etc etc...
I get carried away when it comes to body assault via weight-room ;)
It includes various workout splits and suggestions, as well as motivation along the way.  So much.  This is my baby.
...that requires no wipes
...or breastfeeding
...ok fine, not really like a baby at all....except that I conceived it...alone...wow, again, nothing like a child.  I'm done.

Busy day tomorrow.
I'm only working 2 days this week, but I have people crammed in there back to back and so help me God if someone is late.  I'll have a melt down.  Its one of my things....being late doesn't "rub me the wrong way"...it flogs me.  2-3 minutes, fine, I get it...but I'm always amazed by the number of people who seem to have adopted their own time zone...somewhere between "late" and "I thought you were dead."
Slightly anal about the whole thing.  Its my dad's fault.
We were the only family waiting at the gate before Disney World opens.  As if we weren't going to be there the next 10 hours, see e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g, and then get reprimanded for wanting a water break in 95 degree heat.  No seriously.  It usually went something like this, "Food?  What?  You've only been walking for 5 hours...what's wrong with you?..."
There I was at Epcot envious of the 5 year old in mouse ears gnawing on a $8 Klondike bar.  I would have literally punched him and risked the punishment for that stupid bar.
...I now completely understand where my crazy comes from. 

Ok, I am spent.
Busy day tomorrow and if I don't get some sleep I will be in rare form by noon....the world is simply not ready for that...