Not Worth A Hernia

I just picked up my shoe from being repaired.
You can imagine the traumatic event of leaving a fabulous heel at a repair shop for 5 days...felt like the universe was off kilter. 
It was an Amber alert for my wardrobe.
5 days and $7 later, we are back in business and all is well.

I swear Wednesdays are 32 hours long.
Its been a great day with clients thus far,...even explaining to my 17 year old boys they are fully capable of picking up after themselves without breaking into hives or passing out.  I will say that some are really good about it, and others have clearly been babied since the time they were on the boob.
I certainly do not mind cleaning up after my clients, BUT there is a difference in picking up 12lb dumbbells versus 75lb dumbbells,...and the difference is a shooting pain near my sacrum and a possible hernia. 
Some things are arguably worth the risk,...a 17 year old walking set of hormones with a deficient frontal lobe, eh not one of them.
Sorry boys, pick up your mess... ;)

New article coming out next week, and right now its looking to be an up close and personal with yours truly.  My life, habits, quirks, and everything in between.  If there is a question you want me to answer simply email me and I just might include it (this is the edited version so keep that in mind.....ok that is mainly directed at a few close friends who would ask something ridiculous).

Well, that's about it for now folks.  Make it a great day...

Adjusting the Sails...

Waking up from a nap is my ultimate moment-of-truth.
I open my eyes, lift my head, and think "oh dear God I think I'm paralyzed"...realize I'm not, lay there 5 more minutes, and then finally sit up looking like I just got assaulted in my sleep.
Its quite the process.

I couldn't take it any longer though...I was exhausted.
I crawled on the PT table and managed to fall asleep with the lights on, TV on, music blaring, and the cleaning lady vacuuming the gym.  Can I technically count that as a talent?  Being able to fall asleep anytime, anywhere?...
I hope so.  I can't sing or juggle...give me something.

I struggled through today's workout more so than normal, which I expected.  Some days are just like that.  They suck.
You embrace it and move on.
I had a man yesterday apologize for "not being great today."  Of course I nearly smacked him,..."what?!"...He completed everything on point, successfully nailed 2 new exercises, and didn't complain the entire time.  So it shocked me when he said this.
The fact was, he didn't feel his performance was "great" because his perceived effort was so much greater.  It was just one of those days he had to try harder to give his best.  He struggled more.  He was tired, stressed, and facing an hour of ME (doesn't always spark excitement as the first emotion,...shocking, I know).
I think we forget sometimes that our ability to be consistently GREAT (as we define it in the gym), is affected by numerous factors...
stress, sleep, nutrition, hydration, focus, soreness, tightness, yesterday's workout, clarity,...the list could go on...
The point is not to beat yourself up when it seems harder than it usually is,...the point is to GIVE WHAT YOU'VE GOT IN THAT MOMENT.
Accept the fact that everyday is different and you have to be willing to adjust the sails a bit.  What I mean is that sometimes your mind will lead your body and talk yourself through the struggle,...and other times you have to shut your mind up and let your body just MOVE. 
Both are fine. 
Both allow yourself the opportunity to improve without the pressure of perfection.
Just keep going...

Onto the rest of my day.
I think Oscar truly set the tone this morning when he vomited on my laptop....its only up from here.
Back to the grind!

Late Nights and Cold Feet

Sunday...

I slept in until 7:15.  Write that down.
Ok fine, it was partly because I was out last night with my soul sistas (Kelly and Jan), and didn't get to bed until late.  I say "late" like I was stumbling in while the sun was coming up.
Let's be honest, it was roughly 11pm.  I judge myself for this fact.
Whatever, it felt later and if there was any chance of me being remotely coherent today, I needed to get my butt in bed.

We had a blast in downtown Durham...dinner, live music, me being out of control,..standard night.
It was great to just laugh and carry on.

I surprised Jan with an essential gear for sleeping with my younger brother.
What?...she has cold feet...

Good times had by all.
 :)

In other not-so-important-but-important news...
It was all cardio for me today.  And honestly my legs were about shot. 
I struggled through the entire thing more than I'd hoped, but tried to simply get lost in my music.  Today was a mix of 2000s hip-hop and Remix radio on Pandora.  It was all fun and games until Mary J Blige came on.  I nearly lost my footing and face-planted on the belt.
I can't make it 40 seconds into her songs before I'm on a ridiculous emotional roller coaster and either mad as hell or nearly in tears.  Mary, you are killing me...
Gotta love her.
Needless to say, the cardio went fine and I lived to tell about it....tomorrow I will be ready for some weights...and perhaps some Goo Goo Dolls.
That was a joke.
Haven't been ready for Goo Goo Dolls since '98 and braces inhabited my mouth....which is normal.  Completely normal you Iris-lovers.  Move on.  Embrace life.  Its ok.

I've literally been staring at this computer for 5 hours now and am about 10 minutes from crawling in bed.  The fact that its 7:45 and the sun is still out is just a minor detail.
I am pooped.
I've been cranking away at stuff for my book, but wow what a process.  So much. 

Well, that's about it for my Sunday.  Ready for a busy week ahead...and new article to come next week!!  I'll keep you posted...

Exciting News and Angry Hamstrings

Ah yes, hello Saturday.
Let me tell you about a great feeling,...sitting at the kitchen table still buzzing on coffee while watching someone else mow my lawn.
I am totally fine with the judgements of "lazy",...I will continue to sit because quite frankly, I am mastering it right now.
Ok kidding, I am actually working and busting my rear trying to finish my website, set up a few other things in the works, and then write...and write...and write some more.  I am excited to share that after talking with Brian and diving through various ideas of WHAT I wanted it to look like, I am writing a book.
I am absolutely thrilled to be at this point in my career, and even more excited to share my knowledge, passion, and motivation with a wider audience.
With a full schedule and basically working everyday, I have no clue how long this entire process will take, but I feel like it is my baby.  Look Ma, I'm pregnant.  Ok, not really, and if I start lactating you're gonna see me on the news in a mini-meltdown...
So there ya go folks,...game time. :)

In other fitness-related news, my legs hate me.
I went to Duke yesterday to run East Campus and got on a roll.  The weather was awesome, my playlist was awesome, and ok fine, I was busy being awesome at the time.  That always comes back to haunt me...
It was all fun and games until sweat started burning my eyes and I swear I was crying by mile 2.
I went roughly 6.5 miles, and averaged just under an 8 minute pace,...so needless to say, my hamstrings are struggling today. After the run, it was a full afternoon with Pops and the girls at the pool.  I'll leave you with a few highlights of the Parkers living the dream...

My Bug Bites and Crazy Spice

26...
Its the official count for the number of bug bites on my legs from a cookout Saturday night.  I assume my chances of contracting Malaria just increased about 92%.
Seriously though, ever since I was little mosquitoes take to my legs like corn dogs and feast away.
I look like a leper.
My decision to wear shorts today was thus poor, and I have to fight the urge to take a hairbrush to my ankles every 5 seconds.

It was a great weekend though, and fun to see some friends I haven't see in awhile.  We laughed until my face hurt and sadly commented how tired we felt by 9pm.
Typical for me, lets be honest.

So is everyone else extremely excited the Royal Baby has arrived?! 
Ok fine, I was actually more excited when my favorite Snoop song came on Pandora this morning.  BUT, a very cool moment to witness in history...
Honestly, just once I want Kate to slip up.  She's practically perfect,...says all the right things,...smiles,..waves,...but am I the only one who longs for her to to just once fart, curse, or do anything remotely inappropriate in public?
She's probably held gas since 1994. 
I get it.
My dream,...killed.
The best I can hope for is an outburst from the Queen when she forgets who she is and wakes up as Crazy Spice with a bad hip and the walking farts...


Well, it was a busy Monday and I'd be lying if I said I accomplished everything on my to-do list.
That list laughs in my face most Monday nights.
I had some come-to-Jesus nutrition meetings today that probably spiked my blood pressure....sometimes I want to literally shake people.
Sad part is that the vast majority at least know some basic changes they need to make, want results, but heaven forbid they have to WORK to get there.  Its unbelievable.
Expect it to be hard and you won't be disappointed.  Period.

And that's about it for tonight.
New day tomorrow folks....conquer it.

Life In A Speedo...

Holy hot Friday.
I had every intention of making it to the pool today, but the heat is out of control and quite frankly I don't find it enjoyable to basically marinade in my sweaty filth by a pool that now feels like bath water.
I passed.
I opted for some AC and house cleaning.  Control your envy...

So yesterday I mentioned that I'd feature one of our athletes and give you a brief rundown of what's been going on along his journey over the last few months.
Meet Trey...(here with his sister)

With a few major swim meets approaching this summer, we spent the last few months really focusing on finding his 5th gear and maintaining flexibility.
Undoubtedly a hard worker, I noticed he would get stuck in this rhythm when training that was steady, but not the balls-to-the-wall intensity he'd need to improve his sprint times.  It was like having a 100m runner being paced by the milers. 
It just won't work.
And truly, it often happens that way....your personality characteristics will make their way into the gym.  He's laid back, easy going, constant if you will.  Not surprising, he trained that way.
He needed to break out.
That was his comfort zone for sure, but during the 100m fly you have no time to pace, take it easy, or coast.  You haul ass.  Period.
So we had to mimic that kick-into-5th-gear moment in the gym.  He did great and allowed me to pull him out of that comfort zone,...realizing he was definitely capable of going harder when he actively willed himself to do it.
I loved it.
In combination with stretching him like a contortionist (which was a workout for me as well), he made great strides...physically and mentally.

So there he was last week about to face a very important meet in Georgia... "2013 Speedo Champions Series: Eastern Section of the Southern Zone Meet"
As we stretched on Tuesday he said he felt prepared but nervous.  Good/natural combination.  He'd have to swim 10 events, his main one being the 100m fly.

I was sitting on the couch at the beach last weekend when my phone vibrates and I see his name pop up.
Moment of truth.
As I read his text I got chills.
Trey had figured it out at the very moment he needed to figure it out.
Personal best times in ALL events and a Scholastic All-American time of 58:54 in the 100m fly to help the mens team place 2nd overall, and 6th for the men/women combined.
I was blown away, and I cannot describe how excited I was for him.  He needed that weekend to go well,...for more reasons than just the times.
As an athlete you understand you will have ruts and valleys, but mentally clearing space from the noise of doubt and frustration long enough to open yourself up to greater victories is undeniably one of the hardest things to do.  And at 17 years old, you better believe it is hard.
What an awesome weekend,...and certainly bigger things to come for Trey.

Eric Church and Things To Come

Just me, my turkey meatballs, and some mid-day country music break.
A little escape...

After a sleepless night and a 5am migraine, you better believe I was ready to face the day.  Ha.
Whatever, you roll on.
 I'm running off adrenaline and in a weird 5th gear I can't quite explain, but I don't question it.  I embrace it like a noodle in the 12ft and tread like hell.  Tis life.
The to-do list is over-flowing from emails, writing out plans, to setting up my next photoshoot,...I need about 5 extra hours today.
I do enjoy the shoots, but I definitely have to keep nutrition in check more than normal to prepare.  Not too many major changes,...mainly foods that make me bloated.  Nothing sexier than some water retention in a barely-there swimsuit.  Count me in.

In other news, I am pretty pumped to share my next post tomorrow. 
I will feature one of our athletes and the hard work he's put in - physically and mentally to make tremendous strides over the last few months.  Very very cool, and such a huge part of why I love what I do.
He's figuring it out.
I'll introduce you to Trey next time...

Short and sweet, have a great day folks!
I'll leave you with this thought...
Be tough,...Be ambitious...Strong walls shake, but never collapse.

Feline Spooning and Sunday Insanity

This weather is unbelievable.
One minute we're practically canoeing down the street, and the next we're drowning in our own sweat.  I refuse to complain about the sun though,...its been rather scarce this summer and we're all one cumulus clump away from a vitamin D deficiency.

To be completely honest, today was a struggle.
I got 4 hours of sleep Sunday night, so combined with a Monday, today was approximately 52 hours long.
Ah yes, Sunday night....the night my iphone decided to enter a coma at 9:30 at night and send me into a complete freakout.  The screen went black, was not responding to anything, and so there I was hooking up my ipad and old blackberry trying to charge them enough to set both alarms for the morning.  By 10:15 I had things plugged in by the bed, in the bathroom,...it was quite a scene.  But I was not keeping calm and carrying on.
Blasphemous talk for anyone prone to anxiety.
Instead, I was sending emails to let people know my phone was dead, life was out of control, and Jesus might return by 2am.
I couldn't sleep.  I was so worried neither of the other 2 alarms would go off and I'd wake up at noon with no recollection of the night before, who I was, or why this cat was laying on my face.
I take worry to a whole new level.

Long story short, the demon possessed phone came on around 3am, all my alarms went off (insane moment in which Oscar may have lost 2 of his 9 lives), and I made it through my Monday just fine.  "Fine" being a relative term...

Good day at the gym despite my sleep deprived brain.
Clients always joke that when I get back from vacation I'm slightly out of control.  I get it,...they are partially correct.
I'll go 3-4 days without telling someone what to do and you would think I'd developed withdrawal.
I have.
But seriously, everyone was on point today...only minor complaints....which I tune out unless they are dying, bleeding, or about to pass out.  (Note: bleeding must be severe).

Speaking of passing out, I'm literally about to face-plant on this computer.
Time for bed.  I realize its only 8:30,...the care-meter is quite low...

I'll leave you with a picture of Oscar trying to spoon me.
I'm literally one claw away from loosing a boob...

Soggy Jogger...

Its about this time every Sunday that I realize how coffee drunk I really am.
I look forward to my iced coffee all week, and then I go on a 3 day bender Friday-Sunday,...its a cheap and legal fix, thus I am completely fine with the fact that I am sweating all over the computer right now.
My low, and yet extremely high point of the day.
You would think I won the lottery.  I didn't.  I'm just easily pleased.

Well, I managed to regain a little sanity over the past few days...
One of my clients was so generous to let me use their beach house, so I escaped.....just me, my books, and enough protein to last two weeks.
Yes, I was able to relax, and even slept in until 6:45 one day.  What can I say, I live life on the edge.

The weather was amazing on Thursday.
I was out on the beach by 10:30, and pretty much flipped from face-down to face-up every 30 minutes like a honey baked ham until 4pm.
My only mistake was setting up right in front of a huge family who apparently had their own olympic version of corn hole going A-L-L D-A-Y.  Every 10 seconds, "Duuh.....Duuh....Duuh"...that is my interpretation of a bag hitting the board, and yes, I retyped it about 3 times before assembling the correct letters.
Needless to say I was one match point away from losing my mind and confiscating the bags.
When you hit the beach its always a toss-up,...do you sit in front of the 20-member family where sobriety is questionable among everyone including the 14 year old?  OR, do you take your chances near the 4 kids attempting to build a fort that will inevitably turn into just a hole...but you can't say its just a hole because their self esteem currently rests on a pile of sand, a dinky shovel, and a star shaped piece of plastic that is always deemed useless by the end.  Tough choice.
I generally opt for the dysfunctional intoxicated group....like choosing between a punch to the ribs or back of the head...

I will say though, I do actually enjoy running at the beach.  Its a change of scenery, and generally a breeze so I roll with it.
Friday morning's run started off great,...light breeze, cloudy, and then holy crap the rain came.  And when I say "came", I mean I literally could not see where I was going because it was falling so hard and practically sideways in my face.  At that point I had turned around but was still about 2 miles from the house.  A minute into my Noah's-Ark-like-jog, my ipod dies.  Soaking wet and I had no way of saving the poor thing.  I normally just stick it in my sports bra (there's extra room, lets be honest), but every inch of me was soaking wet.
So there I was, wasting oxygen cursing the fact that my ipod died mid-run.  The only laugh I got after that was passing a guy with an over zealous fuel belt on.  I swear this man somehow rigged it so he was able to fit about 9/10 bottles of water on that thing.  Had he remotely looked at the forecast he could have saved himself the added weight, tilted his head back every quarter mile and nearly drowned.
Genius.
And side note: Any physical endeavor that requires me to wear anything closely resembling a fanny pack,...not gonna happen.  Fat should not be flapping around right there or anything else for that matter.
I simply don't care for 9 mini-bottles of water to be nailing my uterus with every step for an hour.

Long story short, both days were soaking wet runs...and my shoes now smell horrible...

After a few days of straight cardio, I was definitely glad to lift today, and honestly ready to see my peeps tomorrow.
I can vacation for only a few days before I need my dictating-in-the-gym fix.  Shocking, I know.
And on a training note, my latest article will be up shortly!  Its on toning/muscle definition...ah, always a hot topic...
I'll post a link.

Alright, its about that time.  I have my whole nightly routine...much like a 5 year old.  Similar, but with less bed-wetting...
Its quite sad actually.

Win/Win

Beef and salmon.
Its whats for dinner.
Oh, and a ridiculous amount of green beans.  French style makes me happier than it should...its the crunch.  Damn that crunch.

Honestly, today felt like Thursday.  I speak of Monday as if it was days ago, and my brain seems to have taken a back seat over the last 24 hours.
I blame Sunday night.
There was a horrible storm and between that and stress, I literally rolled into my Monday on 3 hours of sleep.  I was a nightmare by noon.
Not sure how I made it home that evening,...I was in a coma-like zone for about 20 miles, and the rest is also a blur.
So dangerous, I know.  And yet not anymore dangerous than my dear citizen in the Chrysler mini van today.  Its great that your kid is an "Honor Student" and you feel the need to plaster 5 reminders on your back windshield because apparently the bumper is not good enough, but when you fail to use a turn signal, cut me off, and then proceed to incorrectly maneuver a 4-way stop,..at that point its clear your child overcame the gene pool because you're an idiot.
The best advice I ever received about driving is to assume that everyone is an idiot.  95% of the time you're right (always gratifying), and the other 5% of the time you're pleasantly surprised by their competence (also gratifying).  Its a win/win.

Onto fitness...
I meant to post about this a few days ago, but I want to give a BIG SHOUT OUT to my girl Jennifer, who is down 23 pounds and continues to make tremendous strides.  She absolutely works her butt off in the gym, and then has been committed to implementing the changes we discussed were absolutely necessary for her to reach her goals.
I love it.
Way to go girl!!!  So proud :)

Short and sweet tonight folks,...my email list is giving me arthritis just thinking about it.  Night!!

Sally Hansen and Kelly Parker

Yes, I have been ridiculously slack about posting lately.
I have no excuse except for life.
Long days, emails when I get home, and before I know it I'm looking at 9pm on the clock and contemplating practicing my curve with the to-do list.  Some weeks are like that...first full week into my 30's and I'm already on the verge of a breakdown.
Fantastic.

Today's been great.
Went for a long run after my coffee fix,...proceeded to sweat like I ran in the amazon,...

...then the morning was capped off with a couple hours spent with good friends and what they made...
A human.
Like arts and crafts, minus the glitter.....unless you're a little cra-cra.
I hate that saying by the way.
Finish the word.
Its "crazy."  Adding the z-y won't give you arthritis of the jaw.  Try it.
Nonetheless, it was a solid start to the day.

 Hard to believe July 4th came and went.
No, I didn't set off fireworks or watch them.  The closest I came to any pyrotechnic activity was lighting my over-sized yankee candle.  I live life on the edge.  Not worth $22, but by God if it smells like a walk in the sand I'll take 2.
Autumn/pumpkin flavors are my favorite.  Little factoid for your day.

The highlight of the weekend was an accidental near death experience in the bathroom yesterday.
I kid you not.
I was distracted:...throwing on my war paint,...straightening my hair,...cursing Pandora for 15 second commercials,...there was a lot going on.  In the midst of this vanity session, I reach for the mouth wash under the sink, twist the cap and take a swig.
Dear.  Lord.
I definitely grabbed nail polish remover and my mouth was literally on fire.  Forget washing your mouth out with soap, mom should have used some 'ol Sally Hansen and I would have never muttered a four letter word again.
Pretty sure that's illegal.
But seriously, it was a horrible experience and I could still taste it hours later.  Not my greatest moment.
I quickly moved the bottle.

Well, I want to end with a birthday wish to my lovely sister-in-law, Kelly.

 She is an amazing woman who has taught me a great deal about life, relationships, and what it means to live genuinely.
One thing I admire about her is her conscious use of words.  She does not waste them.  She does not take them lightly.  She uses them wisely and speaks from a place of honesty and true concern. 
She is a true blessing to my life and pushes me to improve daily.
Here's to another year of her life and influence, and to many more!!  Happy Birthday to a beautiful woman...

My List...

As promised,...here is my list of 30 things I've learned in 30 years...
Enjoy.

·        Life is hard.

·        Our resilience is undeniably strong, but remains a daily decision to move forward.

·         If you say you’re tired,…you’ll be tired.

·         Personal growth is a choice, and biological age has nothing to do with maturity.

·         We love to the extent we understand love and what we love.

·         Mediocrity is disguised regression.

·         Poor decisions are often made when tired…..and intoxicated.

·         What doesn’t challenge you doesn’t change you.

·         It is unrealistic to think you can please everyone, and foolish to try.

·         We are merely the average of the closest company we keep.

·         There is such a thing as too late.

·         A true friend will speak the truth, especially when it’s hard.

·         Being punctual is a small and yet important way to demonstrate respect.

·         You can either complain or be the catalyst for change.

·         People will disagree with you.  Expect it.

·         You cannot control someone’s response.

·         It takes a confident human being to genuinely celebrate others’ victories.

·         It is about progress, not perfection.

·         Your body is your responsibility.

·         Sexy is beautiful, but beautiful is not always sexy.

·         Your greatest gift to the world is an authentic self.

·         The only pedestals other people stand on are the ones we give them.

·         It is absolutely imperative to surround yourself with genuine, driven people.

·         Your greatest challenge and profitable information will be in figuring out why you do what you do.

·         Majority of people will choose to live blindly.

·         Words void of action are themselves’ void.

·         There is immense liberation in asking for help.

·         Your only competition is yourself.

·         Every piece of advice comes with a bias and history all its own.

·         Comfort zones become prisons when we actively chain ourselves to them.