Special Delivery!

Yes, its been awhile.
I sit here facing March like its going to be February's psychotic sister and completely fly by....while judo-punching me on the way out.  The past week has been a whirlwind of work and play and breastfeeding.
Let me clarify,...not me.
No,...not right now...and judging by the look of things I have to have faith that if God can feed 5000 with a few loaves of bread and some fish, then my kids won't starve....slightly malnourished, maybe...
The feeder is in fact my sister-in-law,...yes, Isabella Blair Parker arrived late Thursday night to make her worldly debut, and I am in love.

Hard to believe my baby brother is a father,...feels like just yesterday he discovered what that thing did, and now he's swimming in estrogen.
Miss Bella,...what an amazing way to end the week.

No, I'm not exactly a "baby person"...perhaps not shocking to most.  When I walk into a room full of babies I'm more likely to have a panic attack from the smell of breast milk and poo than rush over to gloat over a child.  I am crazy about a few kids, yes, and I would give my life for my nieces, but honestly am in no hurry to hold and love on something that was recently swimming in the pool also known as your uterus.  For whatever reason my mind races to the actual birthing process, and next thing I know I'm sandwiched between the thought of labor and conception.
Dear God.  Next topic...

Already Thursday,...the week's been a little crazy in the gym, but nothing out of the ordinary.  Interviewing for a new personal trainer is always interesting to say the least,...finding the perfect balance of knowledge, motivation, work ethic, experience, and coach-ability proves to be hard every single time.
I trust my gut.
.....aaaand make expectations known without completely losing my cool in a moment of fitness-related-passion...
God bless the soul who enters into the mix.

In other news,...leg press.
I get in that machine and just as I'm about to push from a position only appropriate for childbirth, I become well aware of the now obvious: my ability to successfully shave my knees has not improved since 6th grade.
Ladies, you totally get this.
You're practically eating your patella when you set up and then its a moment of clarity (thank you Eminem), that you are horrible at maneuvering a razor over your knee.  Complete fail.
I am.  I admit it.
And next week there's a 90% chance I'll climb in there and face the same issue.  And to be completely honest, I will spend very little time trying to master this and perhaps offend someone this summer.
And guys, your opinion on this holds very little weight considering you dedicate an entire month to not shaving your face.  None of us ladies voted for this.  Around November 12th it transforms into a weird sport, and in an all-out 30 day effort to look like Paul Bunyan, end up looking more like a creeper with half a chin strap.
A for effort.

On that note, I am pooped and have a full day ahead.  Friday, bless you,....here we go...

 

Protein Party and Premature Potty Training

I'm freezing....so naturally I gravitate to a frozen protein shake...
Yes, I am at a loss for explanation except to say its Sunday and I'm lucky to remotely be forming thoughts at this point.

**Side note:...here is my recipe...you're welcome for the protein party that is about to invade your mouth...
1 scoop chocolate protein powder (*sometimes I use Optimum's Caramel Toffee Fudge)
1 cup Unsweetened Almond milk
1 tsp cocoa powder
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp agave nectar (honey is also fine)
1 TBSP peanut butter *optional
~ 2 cups ice
 
I should have been in bed an hour ago......it's 7:56...
I blame the fact that I failed to have my afternoon coffee bender, which, proved to be an ultimate fail.  I did the same thing on Thursday when I was snowed in.  There I was on the couch, Sparkles on speaker phone sounding like an asthmatic smoker, and between coughs she suggests that I take the afternoon to "detox" a little from the coffee.
That was the first time I wanted to slap my mom.
She's an intelligent woman,...but that was an unintelligent suggestion.
So needless to say, this afternoon felt much like that one...

This week looks to be fairly "normal" thank God.  I can't handle another snow.  I say that like we dug our way out of a 6ft blizzard.
We didn't.
But giving us 6-8" of "wintery mix" and expecting us to handle it with grace and efficiency is like tossing an infant the wipes and butt paste and telling them to figure it out.
Poo everywhere.
68 degrees will be welcomed with open arms this week.  I might sunbathe in the parking lot, who knows.

Lots going on and coming up...new article here in a week or so...and some Q & A stuff I've received via email I'm going to share.  Gear up for a hectic week folks!  Game time!

Sandy Crotch > Frostbit Toes

Holy hump day...yes, last Wednesday...because that's when I started this post. 
...Then Jack Frost arrived, put us all in a full nelson, and here I am a few days later and still recovering.
After 24 hours of no human contact, cleaning, napping, organizing, and periodically checking on the sanity level at other Parker homes, I had to get out of there.
My own Shawshank Redemption escape began Friday morning at 6:45am.  Me, a shovel, and way too many expletives for any kid-infested cul-de-sac.  But I made it.  The first few feet were not bad, and you're still all "I got this!"...10 or 15 yards in, and you clearly see why Russians drink and why God invented the beach.
I'd rather risk second degree burns on a nude beach in August.  Lather me up.
By the time I reached the end of my driveway I was mentally done, and absolutely convinced that sand in the crotch of your swimsuit is better than snow in your boots.
I'd rather risk the grit.  Rash,...fine,..whatever.  They make cream for that.

...I hope that groundhog suffocates in his hole.

The snow sneaked up like a total creeper, and I was cooped up with 'ol Oscar for awhile.   I was probably the only person who didn't get to the store before all the mess, but no worries...I cooked enough chicken to last til Spring.
No flashlight, no generator, limited toilet paper, but I had meat.  Lots of meat.

Speaking of meat, I mentioned last week that I'd post a product review for you....I've got Jerky...
I was pretty pumped about trying this because it was a standard go-to snack for me at Elon in the library.  Coffee and jerky.
Heaven.
Minus the books....and studying...and annoying group work going on 5 feet away with the one know-it-all who actually does not know-it-all.  Sorry to be the messenger.  Your group wishes you would lose your voice.....permanently.
Back to my jerky.
The company is Two Brothers Jerky based out of Durham,...shout out to the locals!!  I tried the Bull City Original, Sweet Ninja Teriyaki, and the Famously Hot.  Love the names.

Ok, honestly I think the original is my favorite.  The texture is great (not as tough/fatty as Jack Link's or Oberto brand, and much leaner beef).  Smokey flavor, but not overwhelming.  The sweet teriyaki was indeed sweet, but not to the point of it overpowering the beef.  A good balance if you want the sweet flavor.
The hot,....let me preface this by saying I think the mild sauce in most places are hot.  And despite the fact that I enjoy good flavor, I also enjoy being able to use my esophagus the next day.  Crazy, I know.
Yes, I thought the hot was in fact hot, BUT just enough not to make me wish I'd eaten it with a bucket of ice handy.
Here's their website to order directly from the Bull City..  http://www.twobrothersjerky.com/

Ok, here we go Saturday,...back to the grind with clients and awaiting some warmer weather.  Currently, 39 and rainy....yessss.  Two more days of this and I'll be on a permanent Florida field trip...

JUST Shoes, No Shirt, BIG Problem...

When the alarm went off this morning I was pretty much convinced the day was about to get me in a choke-hold and keep me there until hump day had me crying for my mom.
Almost accurate.
Tuesday night I literally walked in the house, dumped my food containers in the sink, set the coffee maker, downed a cold chicken breast while in a standing coma-like state, and then went to bed.  That was at exactly 8:28pm.  I was toast.
I don't think I moved from fetal position all night.
My hope was to wake up feeling like a million bucks ready to face the day in all out beast mode.  Yeah, it was more like a buck fifty and a prayer I didn't bang my head against the wall by noon.
I brought a whole new meaning to "beauty rest"....I looked like I'd been in a cage fight.  Just my face.

Getting through my own workout was harder than usual today, and I was beyond happy to be done.  Still tired, but mustering up energy to shower and what not seemed easier than energy for another set of pull-ups...
I say that and yet getting dressed proved to be quite the challenge.
You know its going to be a long day when you get the socks on, lace up the shoes, stand up straight,...and then realize to your horror those are the only items you have on.
Unbelievable. 
I was overcome with such a mix of shock, anger, self-disappointment, and pure amusement by the whole thing...
So then instead of taking the shoes off to properly put on underwear, pants, etc (because obviously the effort is too great), you try the pants-over-the-shoe maneuver, which is always a poor decision leaving you stretching the hell out of a foot-hole and inevitably exerting more effort trying to avoid a busted hip from hopping around like a circus act.  Alas, I took the shoes off.
Starting over...

That was all before the predicted head-banging at noon...

Yes, its been a long week, but an extremely rewarding week.
I received the most touching letter this week from a former client, and I will be open enough to say that as I laid in bed exhausted and in tears, it was the most affirming and encouraging thing I needed in that moment.  I was blown away by her transparency and ability to now trust herself, be confident in who she is, and face the world boldly.  She was more loving and accepting of herself, but NOT from the standpoint of "settling", but rather being patient with herself as life throws her new challenges.  I just sat there and had to celebrate with her from miles away.
THAT is what this journey is about.  She said it all...believing in her present-self for the first time in years, but also believing her future-self can be better.
Not perfect, but better.
So cool.   
Day.  Made.

More to come tomorrow...
I have a product review for ya, and a couple more stories from yours truly...Night folks...

Seahawks and Broncos and Man-Teats, Oh My!

I prepared for my Super Bowl party of 1 tonight by putting on my pajamas at 5pm and planting my butt in the recliner with a list of emails and a plate full of protein.
This is my life.
Contain your jealousy.
But honestly, I was looking forward to a quiet evening and hopes that for once I completed an entire weekend to-do list.  Its pretty much the OCD version of a buzz.  Just cheaper.  And less likely to end in poor decision-making.  Not UN-likely, just less likely...

...After my last post with the hand-photo I definitely received some concerned texts, emails, and products to follow, ha.  Clients showed up with oils, creams, and some alcohol Saturday morning (perhaps unrelated to the hands, but would certainly get my mind off the fact my fingers were bleeding if, in fact, I couldn't feel them....logic).
All that to say that my hands are on the mend....I hope.  I type that as my left middle finger throbs every time I hit a key...ridiculous.

It was an absolutely full week after the snow-issue we faced Wednesday.  I think every parent was operating on some level of pissed-off after that with school delays and schedule changes, etc...
I received several texts from moms who bleeped out expletives as they needed to change appointments.  That made me laugh. 
Just send the word. 
My phone recognizes it, I promise.  Siri is a sailor, don't let her fool you.
But in all the hustle and craziness of last week, I had some truly laugh-out-loud moments with several clients whose honesty blew me away.  Don't get me wrong, I want them to be upfront about what's going on outside of the gym because its the LIFESTYLE changes that I'm eager to see and long for them to experience.  So I casually asked one woman what she had for breakfast, expecting some version of a "reasonable" meal that we'd probably have to discuss/tweak...
She looked at me with a grin and bluntly said "ice cream!"...she started laughing and at first I thought she was joking.
She wasn't.
That's when I threatened her life in the most loving way possible. (There is no loving way btw)...but I was pretty shocked by that one.  Seriously, I've heard it all, but I think that was the first time someone openly admitted to downing ice cream before 8am straight to my face...and then laugh.  God I love her, but yes I wanted to shake the crap out of her in that moment.
She was not the only one...

Highlight of my weekend was dinner with my gals.
A few could not make it and I know were there in spirit,...mainly because of the inappropriate texts they sent...which was great, lets be honest.
We did the whole fondue experience at The Little Dipper in Durham (a must-go-to for you locals)...and I swear I laughed until my face hurt.  For a second between the salad and first dipping session I thought we were going to have to deliver Jan's baby right there next to some boiling Havarti.  That woman is practically begging for an epidural and ice bucket.  And by God I am ready for niece #3!...Easy for me to say, I'm not carrying a fetus or anything greater than some Maalox can handle.

It was a wonderful dinner.  Thank you ladies for being the amazing human beings you are... :)

Well, I just recovered from the halftime show....none the wiser...and slightly disturbed by the amount of male-nipples I just viewed for an entire song. 
I hope they got frostbite.
Fair.
...and yes I'm curious about what conversation actually took place prior to that wardrobe decision that led to "ah yes, that is a great idea!"....because...well...it wasn't.
Personally, I was less offended by Janet Jackson's right boob in '04.
Perspective.

On that breast-note, I am headed to bed.  Gearing up for a busy week, night folks!