Hose Torture and Birthday Wishes

I seriously need to invest in a sprinkler.
Or hire one of the 47 neighboring kids to come water my plants everyday.
I get home and the thought of standing outside holding a hose for another 15 minutes is overwhelming.  You would think its the end of the world.
Its not.
But I literally scroll through articles, facebook, twitter, and instagram on my phone while I do it.  Otherwise, the entire watering process would last about 1.3 minutes before I lost my mind.
Again, why I have not invested in a sprinkler, I have no clue.
Its like punching myself in the ribs at this point.  I am numb and apparently ok with it.

My latest article went up today and I have to say thank you thank you (http://activedgefit.com/throwing-out-the-f-word/), for the email/message feedback.  I truly appreciate your kind words, and am thrilled to be a part of your journey in some form or fashion. 
It always amazes me how every story resonates in a different way with each writing.  You people are unbelievable, and your stories of resilience, inspiring.
Thank you for sharing.

Today was Brian's birthday...37...wow.
I met him when he was 25, and I came to him for help recovering from one of the darkest chapters in my life.  I wanted to get healthy again, and he offered an opportunity to not only regain control of my life, but ultimately pave the way for my career.  He kicked my ass with workouts, and honestly there were a few times in the pool I thought I was either going to vomit, punch him, or drown...or all 3 in that exact order.
He always told me I'd make a great trainer and to let him know when I was ready to start after college....well, that was 8 years ago and the rest is history.
Happy Birthday B, and here's to many more!

Another great day in the gym.
Folks were right on point with everything and I was pumped to do a handful of successful weigh-ins today.  My ladies are doing their homework and I love it.  10 pounds here, another 4 pounds there,...very cool.

Ok, bedtime...Busy morning and then time to get the applejuice keg ready for Little Miss P-Diddle.  Girls Night!  Watch out...

The Last 30...

Hump day.
My hump day began at 4am when I woke up wondering where I was and who was this rat laying on my chest.
Oh right...no rat.  Just my shaved cat.
I caught some crap for Oscar's "trim".  Apparently its a horrible thing to shave a cat who can't seem to keep himself completely clean or from nearly choking to death on hair balls.  His brain is the size of a peanut.  I hardly think he A) cares, or B) knows whats going on half the time.
He's fine,...but I appreciate the concern.  Sort of.

Long, but good day.
I got in some cardio, core, and triceps early this morning...then hit the coffee like a champ.  4 cups later I was a semi-functioning human being.
No, I'm not crazy about an early morning workout, BUT it is nice to get it done and get on with the day.  I'm fairly certain my 6am'ers are not too thrilled about squatting before the sun comes up, but they are in, out, and feel much better when they're done.  It honestly doesn't matter what time you choose, just DO IT.  I've done 5pm workouts, noon workouts, 4am workouts...at any given moment they can all suck, so you might as well embrace it and move on.
Promise you won't regret it.

Well, it is finally hitting me.
Its my last 30 days in my 20's.
Holy crap, where has the time gone...and why do I still find senior-citizen-walking-farts funny?  Part of me is still 14 I guess.
Honestly though, its caused me to do a lot of reflection, and I hope to have a list of 30 things I've learned in 30 years by my birthday.  The dirty 30.  Hell, if I can't come up with 30 things over 3 decades that's pretty sad.  No worries,...I'm on it.
I promise it will be genuine and no references to "YOLO"....Fact: 99% of horrible decisions are made about 3.5 seconds after saying that. When was the last time someone smarter than you screamed "YOLO!" just before doing something admirable. 
Exactly.

So there's the plan.
One more full day of work and then I can't wait for some Aunt/niece time with Miss Payton this weekend!  Oh do I have some fun planned.  Let the party begin...

Local Ink and Internet Nomads

Every time I scroll through the "search entry" on my blog I am always amazed.  This is basically a list of the word/words people type into google and for whatever reason it leads them to my site.  Some entries make sense like Meredith Falcon or Meredith Workout, and even Spandex Maxipad (not surprisingly I mentioned spandex and maxipads in a post and boom there ya go).  Like a moth to a flame.
But other search entries leave me questioning the progress of the human race.  Like Pole Dancing Meatball or Naked Curveballs or London Bloat and Gas.  What on earth are you people in search of, and more importantly, why in the world are you led to my site? 
For the love of God, get off the computer.  Seriously.

In other news, I hope everyone had a great long weekend.
My butt sat at the pool for 4 hours yesterday and loved every minute of it.  I tried to read a little, but I kept falling asleep....I was exhausted.
When I wasn't in my coma, I couldn't help but stare at some of the worst tattoos known to man.  No, its not that I am a hater of all ink,...I'd even highly consider one myself.  Its not that, I'm just saying "GET YOU SOME" plastered on your neck doesn't exactly scream I make great decisions nor does it make anyone want to get anything. 
It actually makes me want to buy you a turtleneck.
Which are horrible in themselves.
But better than that crap so close to your face.

So that was my Monday,...quiet and filled with some much needed down-time.

Today was a great day at the gym...busy, and good.
Sure, I had a handful of those trying to burn off some Memorial Day burgers and beer.  At least they were honest about it.
A huge pet peeve of mine is when people are not meeting their goals (particularly fat-loss), but refuse to own up to poor nutrition habits that are obviously going on.  Be honest, take responsibility, and then move forward.  I'd rather a client be totally honest with me about a bag of oreos and side of egg nog, than to lie to my face and essentially blame the workouts as to why they are not making progress.  Its a battle together.  Two people, doing their part.  I will do mine.  You do yours.
But thankfully today I had more confessors than those in denial...

Big news from the rearend,...I am pain-free.
Thank God.
Long story short, Brian thought it was my sacrum.  He worked on it, I rested other parts, rolled where necessary, and by Sunday was moving like normal.  Unbelievable.
It felt amazing to be able to get in and out of my car without looking like I was about to crap my pants or fall on the pavement.
Whew, full steam ahead...

Alright folks, that's it for tonight. 
My latest article should be up and rolling tomorrow so I'll provide a link.  Have an amazing night and here's to hump-day.....and turtlenecks....

Perfectly Imperfect

Halfway through the week.
Its been a long one so far,..typical, and yet not in every way.  Poor Oscar is running around the house like a freak show,...half cat half rat.  But I would be lying if I said I wasn't LOVING not having to clean up hair everywhere.  For the sake of my sanity, he can deal with being bald for awhile.
Money well spent.

In the world of fitness and all things sweaty, I've had several come-to-Jesus-meetings with clients this week.  Fittingly, its been a common theme among my ladies....perfection.  And I've found that its never just in the gym, that's just where I encounter their demons.  Here are these women literally killing themselves in an effort to achieve an unrealistic goal in every aspect of their lives.  No, its not just about fitness or the perfect diet,...its an overflow of this self-prescribed expectation to have it all together all the time and be damned to achieve anything short of perfect.
I want to shake them.
You are literally setting yourself up for failure EVERY SINGLE TIME.  Why?  Because you CANNOT do and sustain what you are essentially demanding yourself to do.  Period.  And the truth is, ITS OK. 
I know I am stomping on some toes right now and metaphorically shaking the walls of some comfort zones.  Good.  I hope they crumble.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but your attempt at this lifestyle ultimately leaves you feeling defeated.  Because, and here's the ironic part,...you are not achieving your own defined standard in ANY aspect of your life. 
Thus, everything shy of that feels like failure.

Ah, this plays out so often in the gym...
I get women who want to regain healthy control of their weight, and trying to combine the discipline/will power with the incredible amount of pressure they place on themselves daily brews the perfect storm.
It usually goes something like this:
"Meredith I was sooo good with my nutrition the first 3 weeks, and then I had a bad day and then a bad week and then I hate myself for it...then I just say screw it I don't care and eat more.  Ugh, I need a refocus."
2 things: First, to expect to never have a slip-up along the road is ridiculous.  You are breaking habits, thought patterns, coping mechanisms, IT IS HARD.  It does require a daily decision of what you want and move forward.  But this is life and you are not super-human.  The faster you can accept that, give yourself permission to be imperfect, and practice resilience after the fact, the more empowered you'll feel.  Not because you strayed (because that would be illogical considering your goals), but because you are taking care of the essence of YOU.  Resilience is strength.  Discipline and willpower are strength.  There is a common theme here...
Second, in the moments of "screw it I don't care...", the fact is you DO care.  Clearly you care enough to get pissed off at yourself.  BUT, when we try to emotionally detach ourselves from that moment we are basically resigning ourselves from personal responsibility because to face it and feel it would directly clash with every effort to be perfect.  Accept that you care because you do.  Half the battle is simply being aware of your thought patterns and habitual behavior often related to coping.  Its what you do from there that will direct your path.

I hope this makes sense.  I face this issue almost DAILY and am truly passionate about breaking free of it.  While I certainly believe we should strive to improve ourselves on every level as human beings, when we exceed our capabilities (which is what perfection is), we dehumanize ourselves and live in bondage.
Been there, done that, bought and burned the t-shirt.

Have a great hump day folks.
And as always, keep pressing forward.

Feline Sausage

Monday morning.
I wake up and Oscar looks at me like its a typical start to the week and excitedly jumps up like a 5 year old waiting on a handy-snack.  He has no idea what's coming.
Today was his vet appointment to be shaved and bathed.
Not sure if cats contemplate suicide, but I'm fairly certain the thought crossed his mind as I wrapped him like a sausage to get him in his crate at 4:30am. 
He cried the entire car ride.
What's worse than hitting the highway before the coffee sets in and dealing with people who should've had their license revoked in 1997?...Doing it with a crying cat in the backseat.
Honestly, I felt bad.  But not that bad.  His hair is out of control, and cleaning up regurgitated hairballs the size of a pharet gets old pretty quickly.

Ironically, he now has cankles...and a matching set of mittens...

Great day at work.
I am very excited about the talk I'm giving here in a few weeks at the gym.  My plan is to give these periodically on various fitness/health related topics and open it up to anyone.  I want it to be personal, informative, and just real.  If you're in the area, please join me...its free!

Speaking of, I have an article coming your way in a week or so...pretty pumped about this one as well.  The topic?  The F word.
Not that one.  Although I could write about that as well, lets be honest,....no, FAILURE.  The dreaded F word.  I will discuss perspective, what it means, and how its relates to our fitness journey.  Ah yes, I have lots to say about this one.....shocker.

Weekend was good.
I'm still fighting a horrible eye infection that took over both eyes Saturday/Sunday.  I kept wondering why people were looking at me funny, and it took all of 3 seconds to remember I looked stoned at 8am.
And at noon...
And still at 5pm...
Today is better, but not 100%.
I texted one of my clients on Friday who's a doctor to ask about treatment, and the response added to the list of reasons I love what I do and the people I train.  The conversation went something like this:...

Me: "...get eye drops or wait it out?"
Doc: "one eye or two?  sick otherwise?"
Me: "One....nah, just tired."
Doc: "prob just wait,...most likely viral and drops won't help....you'll be fine."
Me: " :)....No STDs, just a runny eye,...I'll take it"
Doc: "That's what she said!"

Love my peeps.
And she was right,...eye is getting better.  Still look like I haven't slept since April, but whatever,...it beats eye-drainage.

Well, that's it on my end.  A little down-time and then ready to roll tomorrow...

Running on Kotex

Saturday night on the blog...
Living the dream.
I've worked out, had coffee with a friend, got in some retail therapy, cleaned, and tapped the day off with a new pair of shoes.  If I'm in bed by 10 I say it was the perfect Saturday.
This is my weekend life.
With the exception of water aerobics and a depends, I'm pretty sure my grandma's schedule looked similar in her last years...

In all honesty, it was not a very exciting shoe purchase because it was necessity.  My running shoes were well overdo to be replaced. 
My feet love Saucony for running.  I basically want as much cushion as possible.
Screw an orthodic, I want it to feel like a maxi-pad in there.
Thank you Saucony for delivering every time.
I was going to post a picture but I just had to switch from the computer to the iPad and God forbid anything go smoothly with technology.....With a 2 foot charging chord, I am literally sitting on the floor next to an outlet to finish this thing.  The douchebag who decided the length-challenged chord was a good idea should be flogged.
Slightly extreme and yet I can't be the first person who's thought this.

Its been quite the week.
My back/butt are still hurting, but the massage on Tuesday definitely helped.  Basically, the pain has simply migrated north into my low back.  So I figure that by next week at this time my breasts will ache,...and if surface area has anything to do with ache-capabilities, I'll feel perfectly fine.
Logical.
Seriously though, it has been difficult being on my feet and demonstrating stuff all day, but thankfully its muscular and I can manage.  The fact that I get out of a chair like a constipated 92 year old is a minor detail...

Short and sweet tonight.
I can tell I am reaching a whole new level and need to sign off.  Make it a great Sunday and get ready for a new week ahead folks!

Butt Pain and Botch Shaving Job

What a day.
In an attempt to get in bed last night at a decent hour, I found myself glued to the TV watching Kevin Hart on comedy central.  Once I was all wound up it was all down hill from there.  Thus, today I am paying for it.
I'm pretty sure my prime was from about 7:10-7:40......that's pretty much it.

On top of that, apparently my body got the turning-30-soon memo...
Today was perhaps the worst pain I've experienced in my glutes in a long time.  To give you the quick and dirty, I've dealt with tight glutes for awhile, so ever since our massage therapist basically gave me a very stern talking to, I've been religious about rolling and stretching.  Today was ridiculous though, and she thinks its my piriformis.  Something is pulling on my pelvis and making it nearly impossible to get in certain positions.
Brian is taking a look at it in the morning, and then I've got an emergency massage session in the afternoon.
Way too many people on my ass for a Tuesday...
My goal is to simply be able to lay on my back and lift my legs in the air without feeling like I'd rather be punched in the face.
Too much to ask?...
I'll  have an official update tomorrow.
Yes, its absolutely frustrating, and the thought of taking it easy to let it heal is extremely hard to consider.  BUT, I'm not an idiot and realize its my body's way of telling me to chill out.
Fittingly, it tells me through my rear...

In other updates,...Oscar.
So I mentioned last week that I was going to shave him...weeellll, it was a 45 minute attempt.  I broke out the clippers on his backside and quickly realized the amount of hair that feline has could clog a culvert, and there was no way I'd complete my work of art.  I got the main problem area and then said screw it.  He'll just have to look like a circus act for a few days until I can take him to the vet.  Ironically, he still strutted around here like a champ....as if knowing that no matter how ridiculous he looked at the moment, I would be the one scooping his turds the next day.
At some point the whole food-chain-thing gets thrown out the window when you're bagging feces.
And here ya go...

Well folks, I am spent. 
I'm nursing a horrible cold and need to hit the bed even earlier than normal tonight.  I plan to touch on some nutrition stuff tomorrow, so put down the fork and get your mind right....
Have a great night!

Birthday Ladies and Mom's Pom-Poms

First, let me say Happy __th Birthday to my sister-from-another-mother, Jan!

Not sure what my brother had planned for her, but there's a 97% chance it involved chest hair and an Eric Church song.
This is my family.
I judge them constantly.....especially when it involves chest exposure...

We also had another birthday this week, Miss Haven turned 2!!  Complete with a circus-themed party...
You can imagine the irony with my family.
I was in charge of face painting, and honestly felt like I was killing dreams left and right.  Payton excitedly comes up and says "Mena, I want a princess, a fairy, a star, a flower..."...at that point I was struggling to explain to a 3 year old that my facial-artistic-ability was that of a 3 year old, and she'd be lucky if I could manage a flower that didn't look like a hives breakout on her face.
I have a new respect for people who paint faces at the fair.
Eh,...I take that back...

The party reached a whole new level with the photo-booth. 
Sadly, (but not surprising), the props were not bought or borrowed.  My mom literally has a costume CLOSET at the house.
My only guess is that role-play is out of control in the Parker house.  Mullet wig, check.  Umbrella hat, check. 
Its amazing no one's gotten injured over there.

Here are some pics from Miss Haven's bash...

Lastly, its Mother's Day.
Of course I have to show Sparkles some love.  My God, the woman should receive an award for not losing her mind at some point during the last 32 years.
My mom and I are very different, and yet I find myself "becoming her" daily...minus the sparkles...
She's taught me so much, some things being more important than others (i.e. potty training and sex ed.), but all beneficial.  I am blessed to say she inspires me, challenges me, and is perhaps my #1 cheerleader in life.  Fitting.  I'm certain the woman emerged from the womb with pom-poms and a smile.
So thank you mom, for encouraging me to always improve and move forward.  And thank you for staying off facebook and not teaching dad how to text.
The world is not ready for either of those...

Have a great night folks,...game time tomorrow!

Bald Cats and Snow Angels

I feel like I was hit by a bus this afternoon.
At about 5pm my head was pounding, sore throat, and I could have literally crawled into a snuggie with a space heater and felt perfectly fine.  Not good.
Even now its 75 degrees in my house and I'm rocking sweatpants, 2 pairs of socks, and a hoodie like I'm about to make snow angels on the carpet.
I would if I thought I wouldn't have to explain the carpet burns.

Overall today was a great day with clients.
I received a call from one of my golfers who couldn't even swing a club several weeks ago because of horrible back pain, and just last week placed second in his tournament.  Very cool.




I truly love it when clients share their successes with me.  Makes my day.
And today I needed a little pick me up.
Last night I'd spent the better part of an hour brushing Oscar and finally had to break out the scissors on his hair.  It is out of control and in all honesty I failed to keep up with the chia-pet like growth he'd experienced just in the last 2 weeks.
Long story short, the feline looks like he tried to make love to the hedge clippers.  Its horrible.  I am shaving him tomorrow.  Not kidding.  I will shave him and then give him a bath.
Two things that just might have him swatting my face before the night is over.
If cats have 9 lives I just might take care of about 4 of them.
Needless to say, after that whole ordeal I needed a good day at the office...

Speaking of working out and life in spandex, here is a link to my latest article...

Balancing Act:
http://activedgefit.com/balancing-act/

Its 9pm and I have an early morning date with the treadmill.
The alarm will go off and I will literally fall out of bed, walk to the closet, and stare at the madness I call my wardrobe for 5 minutes before actually functioning as a normal human being.  Even then its questionable...

Have a great night folks!

Breakthroughs and Breakdowns

This week has absolutely flown by, and here I am at Thursday playing catch-up with life itself. 
Just me and my turkey meatballs.

Its been a great week with clients, with some breakthroughs and breakdowns if we're completely honest.  A client this morning said he was discussing with his wife the whole idea of "arriving" when it comes to fitness.  As if it is a destination of sorts.  Apparently his wife felt discouraged by the fact she felt as if she never arrived.  As often as I hear some variation of this bogus notion, I am still amazed that we even entertain the thought.
Let me see if I can clear a few things up...

Making changes towards a healthier lifestyle is a process.  When we look at in terms of a distinctive destination, (i.e. a certain weight, completing a marathon or other competition, a certain "look", etc), we place a finish line on a journey that ultimately has none. The phrase "grasping for the wind" comes to mind.   Should we have goals?  Absolutely.  They serve as great motivators and keep us on track in many ways.  However, goals should change, evolve, and be realistic in terms of where we are now and where we need to go.  I use the word need because for some, lifestyle changes are critical for basic health and survival.  And sadly, many are a result of not paying attention to your health earlier, and thus being forced to later.
Reality check.
Embrace it.  Suck it up.  Dare to step outside of your comfort zone and respect yourself enough to break the cycle.
For others, the motivation to push further and achieve a higher level of fitness stems from a deeper need to do so.  Not for the same reasons in terms of survival, but still very real to them.
Either way, these goals are and should evolve.  If there was ONE final destination for "fit" 100% of people would never reach it.  Why?  Because that definition is different for everyone.
Some people define it in terms of bodyfat. 
Some in terms of 100m sprint time.
Some in terms of how "perfect" their nutrition is.
Some in terms of waist circumference.
Some in terms of average mile time during a marathon.
Ah, the list is endless.
Bottom line,...THERE IS NO DESTINATION TO FIT.  YOU EVOLVE.  YOU IMPROVE.  You travel and personally direct a path that has no finish line.  YOU create the direction and make it your own.

I completely get how some people find this overwhelming.  "You mean I have to do this for the rest of my life?!  What the hell?!" 
Yes.  You do.
Its called respecting the only body you are given.  Does it mean you have to run sprints everyday like you're being punished?  No.  You take steps greater than where you are in this moment and strive to simply be a better version of YOU.  Not the you from 10 years ago, or the person beside you in pump class.  YOU.  Your unique journey,...ever-changing with the chapters in life, but always positive progression.
Take comfort in the fact that there is no ideal.  Rather, an endless list of goals and aspirations at your finger tips if you dare to reach, work, and remain determined to obtain them.

***

Whew, its back to the grind.
The afternoon crowd awaits.
Have a wonderful day folks,...continue on that journey...