Partaking With The Parkers...

I'm amazed I am even able to function right now...
After a full Thanksgiving day of decorating, eating, and family-bonding that inevitably ended up in slightly offensive dinner-table-talk, I rolled straight into a night of shopping with the girls.  Oh but it didn't stop there. 
In bed by 5am, up by 9, and then back out again.
...At this point its a sick tradition that ultimately leaves us exhausted and me cursing the public and/or myself at 3am.  This year at 3am I was in the toy section of Target with Kimmy trying on football gloves and contemplating testing my grip skills on the nearest wall.
I can't possibly explain this.
I am not spiderman, and yet sleep deprivation apparently fuels my inner superhero,....and delusions.

Thanksgiving dinner was nothing short of entertaining in the Parker house.
Sparkles was practically squealing with excitement, dad was showing us the latest house project, and I thought Jan was about to deliver a child right there between the the yeast rolls and mashed potatoes.
Nothing says "I'm thankful" like some amniotic fluid....
Baby girl Bella will be here in less than 3 months and I can hardly contain myself.
I need to spoil another niece...asap.

The food was amazing, and yes, I do eat all the "normal" Thanksgiving foods.  Funny how so many people ask me that.  The only time I ever really stayed pretty strict was when I was training for a show.  Yesterday, however, was stomachache waiting to happen.
Like clockwork every year.
Its not necessarily the amount, but all the sugar and what not basically makes my body hate me for about 24 hours.  It wasn't 30 minutes post-turkey that I was digging through Jan's purse for some Tums.
She carries 2 industrial size containers around with her all the time.....So if 600 people all of a sudden came down with horrible indigestion or gas pains, she is fully prepared.
My girl.
I was more than ready to eat plain food today. 
...my pancreas is still twitching.

Tomorrow its back at it...a few clients in the morning and then some much needed bonding with a dear friend.
She deserves an award.
I may give her a damn trophy tomorrow, who knows...

All in all, a wonderful Thanksgiving...I'll leave you with a few pics from one crazy gene pool...

Oh, and Payton was the local artist for our place settings...
Love it.

Freezing in a Pseudo-Muff

Wow, what an amazing forecast we had rolling today here in 'ol NC....40's, rain,...with a 70% chance of depression.  Sweet.  Everyone was in a great mood and ready to workout, believe me...

I was so cold all day. 
If I could have balled up in the dryer and been sure I'd escape injury-free, I would have seriously contemplated low-tumble-dry for at least 5 minutes....or until I was just shy of second degree burns.  Yes, I was that cold, and once again a hoodie was my saving grace.
Whoever invented that front pocket is a genius.  Period.  The hood is just a bonus.
My guess is that it was a guy who realized that putting your hands in your pants for warmth is acceptable on the field, but eh, "frowned upon" on the subway.  The "what am I supposed to do with my hands now?!" question arose, and boom there ya go.  Add some fleece and a built-in ipod pocket and you've got yourself a pseudo-muff party right there below your bellybutton.
Amazing.
 
It was a pretty standard day in the gym with the exception of college kids back in town.  Tyler showed up at 4pm with some surprise Starbucks. 
Day.  Made.
I don't question it, I just roll with it and take it to the face like a champ.  It was great to see him, meet the official GF, and catch up.
The fact that he is turning 20 tomorrow makes me feel old....considering the fact that when he first came to the gym he'd only recently stopped thinking girls had cooties and/or some version of an incurable rash.
Time flies.
And Tyler, thank you again for the Starbucks...it was perfect timing!!

Tomorrow is a short day for me and then I will start getting my mind right for Thanksgiving....which may or may not involve meditation and preventative doses of pepto bismol.  Am I the only one who thinks pepto and gas-x taste like candy?...Explains quite a bit, I know...

Well, on that note I better hit the bed.  A short, but absolutely packed day tomorrow...
Hump day here we go.

Beaten Camel and Fat Pants

Hello there.
I've alive and kick'n....after a full week and few days vacation, it was right off the plane and back to work.  My body didn't know what the heck was going on by 3pm, except that more coffee sounded like a smart idea.
Apparently I had to keep the buzz going from the airport....sponsored by Starbucks and laced with speed.  I opted for an Americano at 9am, and after 2 cups of coffee, it proved to be the straw that broke the camels' back.  And by that I mean sent the camel to a whole new level.  (Fully aware I just compared myself to an animal that smells horrible and spits).
I was sweating, heart racing, probably on the verge of hives,...it was unreal.  Perfect flying conditions.  Combine that with a child using my seat as a soccer ball, and you've got yourself one entertaining flight and a potential heart palpitation my friend.

SO here we go into Thanksgiving week...
I've read article after article about prepping for holidays and received several emails about this topic as everyone is hoping not to make their "fat pants" just their "pants" in a matter of a few short weeks.
I get it.
And to say we don't struggle with some aspect of the whole thing to a certain degree is a lie.  Whether its navigating a dessert buffet, or simply trying not to load up on some kind of vodka/rum-infested food, we all face the temptations.  I am certainly not immune.
I have a sweet tooth...more like sweet teeth...I haven't found a single one that will discriminate against something that can potentially give me diabetes. 
I blame my grandma.  A midnight honeybun raid nearly cost her a hip.
Two generations later and here I am able to spoon frosting like oatmeal with no concept of "too sweet" and a mouthful of cavities from younger years of sugar mayhem.
...all that to say Thursday is often the start of an interesting journey for most until January 1st...

Right off the bat I can tell you that the best thing to do is have a plan before every event.
This is life and you need to enjoy the social aspect of gatherings...yes, even the ones that induce the emotional drinking in the first place.  Face it.  Deal with it.  Happy Holidays.
But don't let it rule you.
For instance,on Turkey Day we will all sit down to eat more than we should, but to avoid absolutely stuffing our faces like its our last meal, treat the rest of the day like any other day.  What I mean by that is have your normal, healthy protein-based breakfast, drink plenty of water, and have your subsequent meals/snacks like usual prior to the turkey meal.
This helps keep your cravings to a minimum and makes you less likely to overeat at dinner.  Not to mention you keep your metabolism revving all day.  God knows we need that fuel burning hard core after some stuffing and every casserole known to man...

Another tip...
Do not bring home desert leftovers. 
You WILL eat it...every bit of it...and then 90% of you will beat yourself up over it, get pissed off, and start into the holiday-downward-spiral that is generally wrapped in self-loathing and a tighter waistband.
Enjoy the day, the meal, the company, and then back on track.  Your body will thank you.

Ok, I am pooped.  I will have more tips and what not to come...perhaps followed by a pep-talk on Black Friday.
...Monday will be here before I know it and the alarm screaming at me like a child....a loud, over-zealous 5 year old...Night my dear folks!...

Bright Lights, Boys, and Back Fat....

Last year at this time my house was fully decorated for Christmas, gifts already being wrapped, and Santa practically breaking in the back door.
This year, I have no clue how many days until he puts a handful of coal or feces in my stocking, nor is my tree up.  Ridiculous.
Oh but I have a plan.
Everything is ready to roll, just have to find a few hours of pseudo-sanity to create the mess of getting everything up without ripping my hair out.  The thought of stringing lights on a tree gives me hives.  It will be one of those things I do at like 5am before all the caffeine has kicked in and my brain hasn't had a chance to fully embrace the anxiety attack waiting to happen with 500 lights and a fake spruce.
Strap on your helmet and light-up sweater vest, its going to be an interesting holiday season folks...

Today was a pretty standard Monday in the gym, however I swear I was swimming in testosterone all day.  Generally, I see more women than men, but today I think it was reverse.  My teenage boys trip me out the most though.  Stories, perspective on life,...never a dull moment.  Its only about 30% of the time that I have to threaten lives to make sure they truly hear what is coming out of my mouth.  God help my children one day...

I had a client message me today about his fat.
Yes, his fat.
And honestly I hear some version of this all the time,..."I'd rather store fat in my ____, than my _____."   Fill in the blanks as you wish between gut, butt, thighs, back, etc...
Hell, from the age of 12 to 20 I practically begged God to cause the migration of my fat to head towards the general chest area. 
Then I gave up,...and after listening to Garth Brooks' "Unanswered Prayers" on repeat for the better part of 8th grade, I gathered myself together and trashed my dreams of ever working at Hooters...or on a pole. 
You're welcome dad.
But on a positive note, if I ever need to wear my sportsbra backwards I am totally there...

So back to my client's fat...(sounds so uplifting)...
Bottom line is we cannot control WHERE our bodies choose to store fat.  That is genetic.  Also, there are no exercises than directly cause fatloss in one specific area when performed.  Period.
Throw that idea out right now.
Whether your body is actually in a fat-burning state boils down to nutrition and overall caloric expenditure (including lifestyle/exercise).  Believe me, if I could immediately zap fat right off the hips of people with a few exercises, I would....and charge enough so my rearend would not be rolling out of bed at 3:45 in the morning more often than not.
But I can't, and the fact is that fat-loss requires work and dedication.  Should it be miserable?  Absolutely not.  But, it takes effort and attention to the things that contributed to the issues in the first place.

Well, on that note, I am beyond exhausted and need to sleep fast....
Tuesday will be here shortly...woohoo!  Game time!

Hood Nap...

Just woke up from a nap.
Ah, there is nothing like napping in a hoodie. 
Flat on my back, hood on, hands in, feet crossed,...and I was out in about 12 seconds.  Waking up was a pretty sight,...ok not really,  but after a few moments of "What day is this? Where am I? Why can't I feel my legs?"..I regained a functional level of sanity.  Thank God.
Amazingly, that nap came about 20 minutes after 3 cups of coffee.
...Perhaps I need to consider cutting back.
That was a joke you blasphemous haters.

This week has been fairly normal, but I swear every time I turn around people are getting sick.  Its that time of year, and quite frankly if you're coughing, feverish, and fighting nausea and not because you're housing a fetus, please stay home.  It amazes me the number of people who will venture out despite having everything shy of bubonic plague.
A couple of weeks ago I passed a woman on the highway driving with a surgical face mask and rubber gloves on.  Yes, I was pissed I didn't snag a picture.  I don't know what the heck she had, but no shot I'd go near that car.  She was either deathly ill (which, ok get off the highway), or handing out physicals along I-40.....both of which are a lose/lose for all parties involved.
Bottom line, if you're that sick stay home.

In the gym world, one of my baseball players officially signed with UNCG today....very exciting.  Here's to the next 4 years buddy!  He's worked his rearend off in the gym, and despite the fact that I don't want to feel older than I am, his "yes mam" responses and work ethnic is hardly something I'd fuss about at 30 years old.
Plus he brings me deer meat....ha
That program is truly getting a great kid.
Congratulations Chad :)

Ok, back to the grind...

Peeler Assault and Birthday Wishes

Sunday night already.  Geez.
I'm on my 7th cup of coffee for the day and pretty much 2 ounces shy of a panic attack and night sweats.  Might add a little excitement to my evening, who knows.

Its been a pretty hectic weekend that started with a lovely dinner Friday night with a dear friend and woman who continues to inspire me more than she realizes.  I promised her I wouldn't post her picture, but we got all dolled up and made our way downtown Durham for a little ladies night.

Normally we see each other in the gym sweating like heathens in lycra, so to actually smell decent and have on normal clothes was a nice change.  We laughed until I nearly cried, managed to solve zero of our problems, but loved every minute of it.  Ha. 
I am blessed to say I am surrounded by amazing women...

Saturday was a combination of work, family, errands, more work, and a self-induced sit-in strike against all things "productive".  I swear I hardly moved from the recliner for nearly 5 hours.  I don't do that too often, but I literally could not even think straight because I was so tired.  I needed to write, do laundry, send emails, blah blah blah.  Instead, I opted to stare at the tv and scroll through the guide until something looked remotely appealing.  I was well beyond any decent decision-making...I can't even tell you what I ended up watching, but caught myself on the Hallmark channel more than once.
Like the herpes of television....and yet there I was, moth to a flame.
On a more exciting note, we celebrated by cousins 21st birthday that afternoon....God I feel old.  I still have her pegged as 14, but here we are...21 and grabbing life by the horns...
Happy Birthday Courtney!!

Today started bright and early at 5am, as I was unable to sleep and facing a cat who apparently thought he might starve to death if I didn't get up asap.
Ridiculous.
I will say though, I normally feed him before I start my coffee.  That's love right there.

In the world of fitness,....my workout this morning didn't necessarily feel great, but compared to yesterday's I'll take it.  I just could not find a rhythm yesterday,...my resting heartrate was up, my eyes were watering, my mind was all over the place,...just a mess.
I think too often people expect to feel on-point every single time they strap on the spandex (or cotton blend, whichever), and head for the gym.  Some days its simply not there and you give what you can and move on.  That's life.  To expect it any differently is unrealistic.  Period.
So this weekend was not necessarily my A game, but it got done and tomorrow will be better.
If not, you'll see me on the news for a meltdown...

Soooo I'll end with this pleasant shot...

Mama got a little cocky with the new vegetable peeler.
First of all, please ignore the fact that my hands resemble that of a 70 year old.  Ugh...they are horrible and since the weather change, are cracking and I'm forced to whip out the lotion and gloves at night.
If I die in my sleep, someone please remove the gloves before taking me in so I don't look like a total idiot.  Thank  you.
Back to my cuts....
Note to self: when peeling a sweet potato, MOVE THE OTHER HAND OUT OF THE WAY.  Unbelievable.
So there are my cooking wounds for this week.
I boycott pealing anything for 5 days.  Ok 4,...or at least until my hand doesn't look like it was assaulted.

Well, that's about all I got....
Writing up a few plans, then headed to bed.  Busy week ahead with some much needed time off coming soon...

Hot Spooning

Yes, I just completely demolished a cabbage and told it who was boss with my new vegetable peeler.
What can I say, it doesn't take much to bring my evening to a new level.
I had Christmas music going and my yankee candle firing away....it was actually a sad scene, let's be honest...
And now I am planted in front of the fireplace like its the middle of winter in Buffalo, fully aware that were I to invest in some leg warmers and a camo snuggie I'd survive just fine without the heat until New Years.  However, when I walk into a house at 61 degrees, I'm not even going to pretend I wouldn't mind spooning with a feverish human being.
I was cold.
Heat is now on.

My week's been fairly normal thus far, as clients are regrouping after Halloween chaos and preparing for the holidays.
It is literally right around the corner, and its always good to see people get in a proactive-mindset about 2 months of parties, dinners, and any/every reason people find to stuff their faces and drink like fish.
I completely get it.  However, come January 1 we should not all be standing there needing maternity pants wondering what the hell happened.
Yes, I will address some of that in a later post...

Ok, this was short and sweet tonight...
I am pooped and need to get my mind right for hump day.  I swear every time I turn around its hump day...

Let The Holiday Games Begin...

My intentions of writing over the past few days were apparently overridden by my ADD and compulsion to get everything else done except blog.  Its absurd really.
My to-do list looks more like a grammatically inept book versus list.  Auto-correct has made us all idiots when it comes to spelling, and I will be the first to admit I receive the "No Replacements Found" message more than any human being with a high school diploma should.
So then when it comes time to actually write something out, I nearly have a panic attack because there's no higher being replacing my sorry ass attempt to spell "vacuum" or "diarrhea",....(I misspell those fairly often and its sad on many levels)...

The weekend started off with a Parker-gals trip to Greensboro for a Christmas shopping experience at the coliseum like no other.  We go every year, walk around for about 5 hours, prevent Sparkles from buying anything resembling a fanny-pack, and then cap the night off with a dinner.
We had a blast.
Christmas was practically everywhere, and I managed to get out of there with a few gifts for others.....and for me.  Expecting me to go in there and be completely selfless is like asking an infant not to crap themselves.
Its gonna happen.
Get wipes.  Be prepared.
I didn't go overboard, but one of the best things I got was a vegetable peeler that makes my cabbage-shredding experience more like heaven and less like a pain in the rear.
Honestly, I would have paid more than $10 and risked the cuts.
The demo alone sold me.  This country bumpkin was peeling carrots, potatoes, and grapes like a daggon magician,...and just as I'm thinking "Who the heck peels grapes?" there I am making it rain in booth #476...

I snagged a couple shots from the outing...

Great way to start the weekend...

The rest is sort of a blur between clients, computer work, errands, and Christmas movies.  Yes, I pretty much bypassed Halloween this year.  I had intentions of wearing a "costume" to work on Thursday, but as I gazed in my closet at 3:48am, the thought of wearing anything remotely humorous was no longer humorous.  I could hardly think straight.
I was going to dress up as my own mini-nightmare and mis-match everything head to toe.  But that plan quickly faded before the first cup of coffee,...knowing full well that I would literally have a panic attack by noon if I looked like I was assaulted in a circus dressing room.
Such a party-pooper, I know.  So I opted for all black Nike head to toe....typical life of a ninja, what can I say...

Tomorrow is back to the grind and headed into a very busy November.
Before I know it I'll be getting ready for Santa and having to explain why he really needs to stop being such a judgmental creeper.

Well, I can barely keep my eyes open....that alarm will be yelling obscenities at me here shortly....the feeling is quite mutual.
Beauty rest here I come,...