Tuesday, July 31, 2012

CANNONBAAAALLLL!!!

Today was one of those days where I would have really considered taking a punch to the face for an extra hour of sleep.  If it knocked me out, even better. 
It was all I could do to get myself moving, and after demonstrating my first few squats I knew it was going to be a rough morning.  I find that Tuesdays are often like that,...Monday's hangover.  However, I did manage to squeeze in a 10 minute nap this afternoon.  It wasn't exactly by choice.  I was sitting there writing up programs and the next thing I know I am face down on the desk.  I wake up minutes later and give Garrett the where-am-I-what-day-is-it-and-are-these-my-pants look. 
Anyway, I glance down and it was junior year English class all over again......puddle of drool staring me in the face.  Awesome.
If I had a desk job, there's a 100% chance this would be a daily occurrence.  I had to get up before I was tempted to assume fetal position on the floor. 
Tile, carpet, hardwood,...there is a point at which I no longer care.

Ironically, I had a really good workout.
I think part of it has to do with the fact that because I am so physically tired, I have to focus and push that much harder.  Doesn't exactly add up, but I'm completely fine with a great workout however it happens. 
Everyday is different.  Some days you mentally have to push yourself physically, and other days you have to just let your body take over when you're mind is struggling to focus.  Point is, you get the job done one way or another.

After my workout I had to hit up Teeter for some groceries, and you would have thought everyone else had the same idea. 
This is not a good thing for me because not only am I generally in a hurry, but I will run through there like its a game show and take people out in the process.  Its horrible, I know.  But then there is the other extreme.  Those select few who choose to move at the same pace as an amoeba, and do so down the center of every aisle.  For the love of God, pick a side.  Right or left...2 great choices...make a decision you terrible shoppers.
So perhaps it was karma when I nearly got run over by an old man in a scooter.  By the look on his face you would have thought he was the food police and I just violated a yam.  He came flying around the corner and slammed on his brakes, and all I could think was if he fakes a neck injury and takes me out at the knees, it is on. 
He glared at me for approximately 10 seconds, which felt like minutes, and then went on his way.  I know he secretly wanted to spit on my broccoli. 
Eh,...I don't blame him.

Time for some Olympics before hitting the bed.
Lots of spandex on tv,...which is great.  But seriously, if they cut those women's swim suits anymore, there's going to be worldwide nipple shots.  And the backstroke just got a little scarier...
Someone asked me today when was the last time I swam.  Are you kidding,...I can't even float.  And if I got on the blocks, there's a greater chance I'd do a cannonball than a dive.

Alright folks, hump day here we come!  Night!

Monday, July 30, 2012

Confessions and Bedhead

I look like I got in a fight with Monday,...and lost.
After work I got in the car, adjusted the mirror, caught a glimpse of myself, and immediately felt sorry for my last 3 clients.
Long day to say the least.
One day I might just shock the hell out of everyone, roll out of bed and head straight to work.  For the record, I hate it when people do that.  Not to say you need to spend 2 hours prepping, but my God no one looks remotely decent first thing in the morning. 
However, if we were realistic, marriage ceremonies would occur at 6am with a 5:58 wake-up call.  That way everyone has a fair glimpse into "til death do you part."  And at that point if you don't want to gnaw off your arm, go for it.  Between my early morning positivity (HA) and I-appear-hungover-but-never-actually-drank-yesterday look, Ryan would have faked an aneurysm.    

Overall, it was a great day and I can't complain.
I started with 2 new clients and had all my regulars in for their standard Monday sweat session.  Apparently, quite a few beers were downed this weekend.  Its funny how some people will walk in and immediately confess their "nutrition sins" without me hardly getting to say hello.  And then there's a select few who confess other weekend sins, assuming I have no line of decency whatsoever.  Fairly accurate assumption, but some days its amazing my ears do not bleed.

Workout today was solid.
I started off strong and then Garrett throws on his make-out music and I couldn't take myself seriously anymore.  I give him the look, and he fires back with "But this is Juvenile, come on Mer!!"  So there we were...he's throwing around weights like ragdolls, and I'm being smothered by songs that painfully remind me of frat parties and other unfortunate decisions from 2002.  Horrible. 

I need more sleep tonight.
I made the mistake of calling my mom last night once I was in bed.  2 questions = 35 minute conversation.  She tests the limits of available oxygen in one room.  I can't complain,....she puts up with me.  Perhaps she has to, but I'm old enough to realize that that's not necessarily true either.  Thank you mom.
You deserve a trophy.
And compensation.

Ok, time for bed.  Hope today was a success...Tuesday is on its way.  Make it great.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Egg Hunt

Sunday night already....geez...
The weekend flew by and I pretty much sweated my way through it.  Saturday I drove up to Elon to watch Ryan coach a baseball game.  It was an 11:30 game and honestly I was soaking wet after the 2nd inning.  I look over to this gal two seats down from me barely glistening and I instantly stopped liking her.  95 degrees and no sweat?!  Meanwhile I'm over there marinating in my own filth. 
My mother-in-law comes to sit with me and comments that I have sweat running down my leg.
Great.
It will match my pit stains and keep people wondering if I'm truly sweating that much or if I wet my pants. 
I want to sit on ice.......until November.

My mom, sister-in-law, and I hosted a bridal shower this afternoon for my cousin.  I am pooped.  We had a great time and I probably should have been cut off from the coffee, but whatever, I was on a roll.  And it was my dose of sanity after the 11th time answering the why-haven't-you-had-kids-yet-whats-wrong-with-you question.  They look at me as if my ovaries are growing mold.  After 4 years of marriage and turning 29, I'm used to it.  But where is it written that at a certain point my uterus should morph into an easy-bake-fetus-oven?  Apparently I missed that page.
I probably lose eggs every time I'm asked.

On another note...
Kelly and I had a great conversation today about working out and health habits.  Her life is much different than it used to be with 2 girls under the age of 3, but she admits it boils down to priorities and choosing to find time.  Its true.  I was thinking about this earlier today.  We've made life so easy and convenient that we are often oblivious to our own poor health.  We drive everywhere, often sit all day at work, and then buy prepackaged food we didn't actually have to go out and gather.  We are spoiled and lazy.  We want quick-and-easy with everything, exert as little effort as possible, and then point fingers when we don't receive desired results, even when our efforts do not correlate with our goals.  Yes, there are exceptions, but look around.  The state of our health as a whole is ridiculous.
I get a little fired up.  And truly, the best thing we can do is simply help ourselves.  Get moving get the crap off our plates.  Its no one's but our own responsibility.

Ah yes, Monday awaits. 
Its a busy day ahead,...busy week,...and then I'm off to Atlanta.  I'm headed there for a Titleist conference, and pretty pumped about it.  The golf world is not prepared for this...

Alright folks, its a new week ahead.  Game time. 

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Bloody Slams

It was one of those mornings when I woke up and was absolutely convinced it was Friday and thus able to sleep in.  That fantasy lasted all of 15 seconds before my alarm went off I dragged myself to the bathroom like I'd just had a one night stand in a ball pit with a UFC fighter.  And you know its going to be a rough day when you literally fall down while trying to put on pants.  The fact that it was 4:15 in the morning is irrelevant.  I was sober, "awake", and therefore should be able to dress myself while avoiding injury or face-plants.  Instead, I'm laying there in my shoes with my pants halfway on cursing my inability to function like any decent homosapien.
Ridiculous.

What a day.
My afternoon felt hectic, but nothing out of the ordinary.  Well, until a medicine ball decided to go all crazy on my client's face...
I warned him that when he slams the ball on the floor it would bounce right back up and he needed to be ready to catch it.  Oh he caught it......with his bottom lip.  I felt so bad, and yet we both had to laugh.  Its all fun and games until someone takes a giant ball to the face.  His teeth sliced it pretty good, it bled like crazy, but he finished his workout like a champ. 
I don't abuse my clients, but today it might appear that way.

This is short tonight folks.  I am spent and am about 2 seconds from just putting my head down on this keyboard and saying to heck with the whole bed thing.

More to come tomorrow...




Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Bloat-free Countdown To London

Only a few days until the Olympics. 
I'm pretty pumped about it.
Yes, I get anxious watching some of the events, but it cannot be a fraction of the pressure they feel.  Training your entire life for one moment, one chance......no pressure.  Right.  It blows my mind how effortless these athletes make it look.  9.58-100m sprint...no problem, I'll just be back here at the 60 sucking wind with numb limbs when you cross the line.  Moreover, how do the gymnasts not get wedges from those leotards?  Seriously.  I ponder this every 4 years.

If it were me I'd probably demand a thong and helmet.  After witnessing Nastia's face-plant, no shot I'd go without a helmet.  And the thong would serve 2 purposes:  1. put the material where its already going to creep anyway after 3 flips and a back handspring, and  2. distract from my horrible form. 
This makes complete sense to me.

Oh what a Wednesday.
It felt long, but I was a little more rested than normal. Leg workout was good, and thank God no bloat today!  Highlight of my day...which makes my days sound horribly boring, but you know what I mean.  I was just pumped that I didn't feel like I needed to be juiced at any point today. 

On a more serious note...
One client today mentioned that she wasn't sure sort of "where" she wanted to go with her running routine.  She's done 5Ks and entered several other races, and always worked to increase speed.  BUT, she's getting bored.  Truth is, I don't think she's crazy about running....but rather, it simply gives her something to work on and not just run for the hell of it.  I understand.  However, here was my thing to her...and to a lot of my athletes who face that where am I headed question:
The fact is, whether you are training to compete in 5Ks, triathlons, or play soccer, baseball, football, basketball, or freak'n checkers at a higher level, you will spend 95% of your time practicing/training and only 5% actually competing.  So if you dread merely practicing the sport, I'd truly stop and consider WHY you are pursuing it further.  And let me clarify something,...you can feel horrible after a good practice or workout and be lying on the floor wanting your mama and still love the sport.  But when you dread to even practice the skills necessary to be great on a daily basis, that's different.  Time to reassess.  Because truth is, you cannot give all you have to something and continue to improve if there is no passion/desire there to give more.  We are not wired to want to devote our focus, energy, and time to things we do not receive some type of personal gratification from.  Period.
My sister-in-law once asked me why I don't train for a triathlon.  I laughed and said that I don't care much for running...swimming....and the thought of sitting on a bike for more than 2 minutes makes my crotch hurt. 

If anything, I hope she walked away from our conversation confident that in her own personal fitness journey there is no one set paved road.  She can create her own path and make turns when necessary.  Very cool ending to my day.

Well, I have chicken breasts, lettuce, tomatoes, and broccoli staring at me ready to chop and make meals for Thursday and Friday.  Time to get on it.  One day I will probably lay my own eggs....which is a horrible thought...and yet would save a lot of money...

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Educational Tuesday

What's worse than being bloated on a Monday?....
Being bloated on a Tuesday as well.
I'm retaining water like the Hoover, and seeing as that I didn't hit up the Chinese buffet during my sleep, I have no clue where this is stemming from.  I'm just praying hump day brings bloat-relief....and time for a nap.  No bloat and nap time...sounds like a great day indeed.

Amidst my waiting to be called from FEMA and aid in the disaster-relief-water-shortage, I had a pretty typical day.  Lots of sweat, many laughs, and some education.  Yes, they say you "learn something new everyday", but there is no promise that it is necessarily beneficial.  There are moments when its a shame I don't have a recorder on me during my day...
As I'm training an older woman (lets just put the category in the 55-65 age range), she is in the middle of rep 7 and asks me what anal beads are.  All of a sudden I was speechless...laughing...and then trying to figure out the most appropriate way of explaining something that will baffle her 1950's mind.  Such pressure.  I'm pretty sure it ranked up there with the first time some of  you had to explain the "birds and the bees" due to a bad combination of an unlocked door and a 2am nightmare.
No matter what you say, you scarred that child.
I think I did the same.....all before 10am.

Some of you just pulled up Google.  Busted.


What a day.
I had a great workout with the exception of my core exercises.  I could hardly flex anything within a 6" radius of my naval.  That will drive any meathead into a mini-meltdown.  But overall, I was pleased...tomorrow is leg day...

I had a tired teenager this morning.  Reminding me over and over how tired he was because he stayed up late, (yes, I hope you're reading this because I am calling you out), and shockingly I had little sympathy.  As an athlete, you will do yourself a HUGE favor the faster you truly understand that EVERYTHING effects your performance.  Sleep, food, stress, practice intensity or lack there of, focus, and the list could go on.  It always amazes me that young talented athletes continue to basically treat their bodies like crap off the field or away from the court, and then expect to be at 100% on game day.  That's unrealistic.  Stop staying up until 3am texting that idiot, get your butt in bed, and get your priorities right.

Whew, and on that note its time for bed.  What an interesting and entertaining day....time to refocus and get ready for Wednesday.  Make it a good one folks!





Monday, July 23, 2012

Make-out Music and Self-diagnosing

Today definitely felt like a Monday.  Long.
I woke up pretty charged and ready to roll, but by the time I needed to throw on some bikers and start my workout, my eyes were watering.  It was ridiculous.

Our Monday-meathead-hour is always interesting.  Garrett and I get going on our own routines and generally throw on some rap station using Pandora.  Today I needed lyrics practically busting my eardrums, so I opted for the 'ol ipod.  I forgo the arm-strap and just slide that thing in my sports bra.  Its fine.  There's plenty of room.
When it was time for my cardio I considered just going back to Pandora and retiring the pod.  That idea lasted all of 5 seconds when I realized Garrett went all 2002-make-out-remix on me.  Its the oddest thing...he loves to workout to music that 99% of the population would rather get naked to.  So it was back to the headphones.  I swear one day I'm going to look over and find that kid making a Magic Mike sequel in front of the mirror and I'm going to have to fire him.
Clarification:...Post on the internet, then fire him.

Overall it was a good day.
I had a young lady ask me today how many calories she should be eating per day.  She's under 18 and needs to shed a few pounds.  She said she got on the internet (which always makes me whence a little bit), and one site said 2200, another 1800, and another 1100.  Ah!  1100?  No, never...not unless you're an inactive midget.  I'm so glad she asked because it absolutely kills me how much misleading information is out there. 
It ranks up there with the internet self-diagnosing.  You type in symptoms and then all of a sudden you either have the common cold or full blown AIDS.  
Thankfully, we got everything square by the time she left....no 1100 calories...no magic cleanse....no diseases...check and check.

After I throw this chicken breast in the fridge I am headed to bed.  I need to practice my yoga pose.  I call it fetal position and have pretty much mastered it.
Have a lovely evening folks.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Queen of The A-cups

Saturday morning and I'm up at 5am.
Not the usual, but we hosted a 5K race this morning and I had to be at the gym by 6:30 to rep out bench press like a true meathead.
I'll explain.

The race was a "pump-n-run" meaning that participants got 15 seconds off their 5K time for each rep they performed on bench press.  The guys had to press 75% of their body weight and the ladies did 50%.  The deal was that if anyone beat Brian or myself, they win a gift card. 
No pressure.......riiight.
Everyone went yesterday, and I get a text from Garrett that some former female linebacker came in and got 49 reps.  Just to give you an idea, second place was 30 reps.  Just a little bit of a gap there.  Last year I managed to get 50, so this was going to be rough.
I chugged 2 cups of coffee on the way to the gym.  The goal was to be so nuts off coffee that my adrenaline take over.  I was either going to rep out 60 or wet my pants and have a heart attack trying. 
Last night I asked Ryan what my mental strategy should be and he simply said "Nothing.  You just don't stop until you hit 50."  I had to laugh because it was true.  I'm not overly-competitive with others, but when it comes to myself its a different story.

Coffee was kicking in and I was already sweating by the time I set up under the bar.  I had 62 pounds.  62 measly pounds.  Game time. 
Longest minute of my day.
I tapped out at 54 reps.
Done.
The fact that the A-cups were spent and my arms were pretty much numb were simply minor details at that point.
I was just happy to keep my bench-press title ;)

Speaking of coffee, I met a friend for coffee and lots of talking this afternoon...my iced coffee was 32 ounces.  I looked at the cup and knew whatever plans I had of going to bed before 10 were shot down right then and there.  I didn't finish the entire thing, but my God after 20 ounces and a few hot flashes what's 12 more?!  I think I was coffee drunk.
We had a great time discussing life and everything in between.  We may not have solved the world's problems, but it was a good start.

Tomorrow is Monday-prep-day.
This is one thing we talked about this afternoon....how, when it comes to lifestyle and fitness/nutrition, we could see vast improvements if we'd just PLAN AHEAD.  An extra 15 minutes here and there for the sake of our health.  I honestly do not understand this.  Why/how are we so lazy that we cannot spare or do not want to spare a few minutes and yet we'll sit in front of a mind-numbing television for hours?  Some will read this and say well I have kids or I work long hours.  I hear you.  I do.  BUT, the fact is that we make time for what's important.  And I can't think of too many things that rank as high or higher in importance than your own health.  Stop making excuses and start making small changes....they will be the catalyst for the bigger ones.

Well, I am spent.  I am going to try and read some to wind down out of this caffeine-coma my mind's been in since 3pm.  Definitely worth it.
Have a great night!

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Ending On A High Note

Finally settling in for the night.
Its been a long week that ultimately ended with a 17 minute grocery shopping trip.  I was in beast mode running people over in there.  Bagging food like a pro, staring people down for using enough coupons to paper-cut everyone currently in the store, and then loading the car in record time.
I was just tired and ready to get home.

This is short tonight...almost 10pm so you know I'll be in rare form very soon.  Practically non-functioning.  I get to sleep in tomorrow and am pretty darn pumped about it.  Yes, I will be up by 5:45, but it beats 4:15.

Lastly, I was so excited to receive the rest of my pictures from the shoot.  Teddy truly did a great job, and even at 4am, he was spot on.  Of course I analyze them more than anyone else, but overall I was pleased.  Thank you Teddy!

Here's to Friday...
Make it great.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Horrible Timing...

I woke up 4 times last night thinking I had ants on me.
I didn't.
Minor freak-out that managed to leave me a little more tired by the time I actually had to roll out of bed.  Each time I turned on the light Oscar would look at me like I'm nuts.   The 4th time I apparently interrupted an early-morning-bathing-session and when I flipped the light on he was in the process of cleaning his rear about 2 feet from my head.  He just glared at me as if to remind me that he has less to clean down there because of me. 
Darn right you do buddy.  That $65 was an investment in Mebane's feline virginity. 

I got my cardio out of the way before my morning clients which meant I was borderline asleep when I stepped on the treadmill, but was glad to have it done.  I only downed about 1 cup of coffee before the sweat-session so I was definitely looking forward to the other 2 afterward.  Ahhh yes, my coffee.  Honestly, I'd probably snort it.
Overall, great start to the morning.  One client showed up with a fever...seriously?  Get your butt home.  Yes, I sent him home...a minor head cold is one thing,...a fever, whole new ball game. 

Time for a Target story...

I ran a couple of errands before my afternoon crowd, and my last stop was supposed to be Target.  Well, after the second errand, my 5 year old bladder kicked in and I was practically losing my mind holding it on the highway.  I contemplated heading straight back to the gym because I was already so tired, but figured I'd waddle into Target and head straight for the bathroom before getting my groceries. 
I was seriously in pain.  It was one of those moments where I literally could not think of anything else.  I rushed to the bathroom and ran in the first stall.  Surprisingly clean.  Yay.  I lock the door and then all of a sudden I hear a man's voice "...uhh...the bathroom is closed for cleaning!"  Are you kidding me?!  Who cleans the toilets at 1pm?!  I mean, thank you for cleaning them, but damn you right now!
I was 2 seconds from saying screw it, playing deaf, and going anyway.  Instead, I kept my pants on and headed for the meat department.  It was going to be all I could do to make it back to work.  Of course on the day I was in a rush, I get in the line with the slowest possible cashier.  Not sure if it was a joke to her or if she'd gotten word from Joe in stall #4 that my bladder was about to explode, and thought it would be funny to fake rheumatoid arthritis and take as long as possible to ring up 12 items.

I made it to the car and just kept reminding myself I only had to make it 5 more minutes.  I could do this.  I turn on the car and all of a sudden DHT comes blaring through the speakers. For the record, when you gotta go, the remix version of Listen To Your Heart screaming at you feels like 2 midgets using your bladder as a punching bag.  I was dying.
I rode in silence the rest of the way.
When I made it back to the gym I nearly ran over Garrett on my way to the bathroom.
That was the longest 37 minutes of my life today.
Thank you Target.

I'm exhausted just reliving that whole episode.  My days are never dull, that's for sure.
And now its time to wash my dishes and head to bed.  Tomorrow is packed, as well as the next 3 days...game time...

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Otis

You know its going to be a long day when you wake up face down, mouth open, and your cat nearly straddling your head.
If my walk from the bed to the bathroom were a sobriety test I'd fail every time.  I was stumbling like Otis and turning on the light practically sent me to the floor.  Moreover, it revealed the awesome sheet marks on my face.  Sweet,...Tuesday here we go.

My morning was pretty typical, and certainly filled with numerous laughs with clients.
One of my clients had an out of town guest who came in and said I was "cute."  I didn't know how to respond.  Why?  Because I haven't been "cute" since the time between I learned to wipe and just before my mom gave me a mullet. 
I don't get that one too often.  But I appreciate it, I do.

I had a new eval today...young lady...inactive, but setting some pretty intense goals.  I like that, but when she said she wanted the fast-track-to-fit  I had to call a time-out.  Yes, I pulled out the basketball hand signal as well.  "Fast-track?!"  Ha.  Why are we constantly looking for a quick fix?  Its like our inner drug-addict rears its ugly head and we want a 6-pack and striated glutes overnight.  No chance.  Heaven forbid we actually have to work one day at a time for the sake of our health. 
I laughed and then went through my you're-gonna-have-to-work-for-it-and-its-even-ok-to-hate-me speech.  I think she got the point.

My own workout was brutal.  I mixed things up today and hit shoulders and quads.  Different exercises, different order, sucking wind like a smoker.  The only thing good about leg/quad day is no cardio.....except if you count the 7 times I walked to the bathroom during the workout.  10,000 step challenge?  Consider it done by noon between the desk and bathroom.  I'd blow that pedometer up.  Pretty sure most first graders have bigger bladders than me, which proves to be quite inconvenient during the work day...

Almost time for bed.
I have a couple of phone calls to make and then I get to resume fetal position.  Can't wait.  Hope its been a great Tuesday.  Remember, no fast-tracks-easy-fix...get your mind right and dare to push yourself hard each day.  Fight temptations, stay focused, and then bask in your own greatness :)

Monday, July 16, 2012

Thank You Tatum

I think Monday just crotch-kicked everyone that walked in the door today.
There were more breakdowns, outbursts, and vents than I've heard in a while, and not going to lie it was a long day for me too.  I had every intention of getting in bed early, but that did not happen as planned.  One night of poor sleep will screw up the next 3, and before I know it I'm trying to sneak 20 second naps on the mat while simultaneously demonstrating ab exercises.  Yes, I was tired.

I honestly have no real excuse except that I stayed up late on Saturday night.  However, after seeing Magic Mike I was pretty much wide awake.  I like to think that when they were trying to come up with a catchy beginning to get audiences engaged, after rounds of suggestions, one guy pops up with the genius idea of telling Channing Tatum to take his pants off.  And there you have the perfect beginning.  Its no Snow White fairytale, but if the dwarfs looked like that, no shot that tramp would have gone into a coma.
Worth every bit of $9.50.
I would have paid 10.

Speaking of money, I was talking with a client today about the cost of eating healthy.  I hear all the time, "It just costs way too much to eat healthy."  First of all, nice try, poor excuse...because truth is that it is not as expensive as people may think.  Yes, if you buy retail organic items the cost will increase, but not everything needs to be organic.  Seriously.  Making a few changes will save you more in the long run.  I eat 6 meals a day and all my meals cost me under $1.50 each...that's roughly 9 dollars a day.  THE WHOLE DAY.  Many people blow that at lunch in 30 minutes.  Give me a break.  Do yourself a favor, take the time to pack a lunch/snacks and take charge of your health.  You'll actually save money in the long run...

Its almost after 9 and a pan of salmon residue is staring at me.  Ugh...washing dishes is for the birds...and anyone seeking to be remotely sanitary.  Eh,...some days I question this madness.
It was short and sweet tonight.
Here's to a loooong Monday and the Tuesday that awaits.  Night!

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Sticky Keys

7am and I am sweating all over the computer.
Either this coffee lit an unbelievable fire in me or I just hit menopause at 29.  Seriously, I am sticking to the keys...

I've got about 45 minutes before I hit some cardio and perhaps I'm just delaying the laundry that needs to be folded upstairs.  I despise folding laundry.  Thus, I try to hang everything in the closet.  I'd hang my underwear if I thought it wouldn't look creepy.  But it would.  So I don't.
Its just one of those things where, if something happened to me and people came to my house to clean out my stuff, I wouldn't want them staring at my color-coordinated-thongs hanging beside my Nike section trying to figure out the severity of my OCD.  I'd rather leave some things a mystery.

Well, its been a long week and I can't seem to break this exhausted feeling.
I've honestly woken up the last 3 days beyond tired and just cannot seem to shake it.  I think my body is ready for some much needed vacation.  Only a few more weeks and then I'll be soaking up the sun on the beach with the fam.  First full week get-away vacation in 2 years....I seriously may not know what to do with myself.
You might find me down the beach running some sort of make shift bootcamp in my swimsuit at 7am.  Ridiculous.

I had a very cool meeting with a woman yesterday about possibly co-authoring a book.  She's basically been to hell and back with her health in the last 3 years and through a rough experience found that eating natural and incorporating exercise saved her life.  Imagine that.  Her story is truly remarkable, and to hear someone so passionately want to share it with others and encourage good health is inspiring.  Because honestly, I hear more of "well we all have to die of something, so I might as well die happy with the foods I want"....what crap.  So you're basing your happiness on what you put in your mouth and pass out your rear later?  Yeah, that makes sense.
I am excited to work on this project with her, and really think she has something here.  And truly, if it reaches just a handful of folks and changes their lives, that's a great accomplishment.
Very cool.

Ok, cardio time.  Being that its not 105 degrees out, I might actually go for a jog.  Holy moly, now I'm getting ambitious...
Have a lovely weekend folks and here's to good health!!

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Hump Day, Nap Day

After a full 7 hours of sleep (small dose of heaven), I was able to enjoy my morning coffee from one of my favorite mugs at home.
With clients on vacation, my morning started just a little later than normal.  The extra sleep was amazing, but driving to work at the same time as everyone else nearly made me lose my religion somewhere around exit 263.  I am used to a 5am commute, which means me and the truckers are rolling.  This 70mph mess felt like molasses this morning.  Yes, I get a little road-rage every now and then, but for legitimate reasons...
1.  If there is a wreck on the OTHER side of the highway it has nothing to do with you.  Keep moving.
2.  When there is a line of cars riding your tail in the fast lane, it means you need to move over.  Its the pre-finger and pre-horn way of saying you were meant for the right lane.
3.  It takes approximately 1.3 seconds to activate your turn signal.  Use it.  The only exception is paralysis, in which case you should not be driving and I blame your friends for allowing such madness.
The list could honestly go on...

It was a good day in the gym and I was truly excited to even have time for a quick nap.  Give me 20 seconds and a horizontal surface and I am out.  Unfortunate for my husband.
I was so tired after my workout today though, and I was eager to crawl into fetal position after hitting legs pretty hard.  Workout, check.  Nap, check.

I had an interesting conversation with a client today that reminded me once again how frustrating it can be at times to strive for "optimal fitness" in a society where we are bombarded with ideas, theories, and images of the ideal.  She was literally cursing the fact that every time she turns around there's new "do's and don'ts" of nutrition and exercises.  And truth is, I couldn't quite empathize with her simply because this is my area of expertise, but I understand the frustration.  She's right, there is a ton of info out there and it seems to contradict each other all the time.
Bottom line: We all have our own fitness and health journey to travel.  For some, its professional athletic careers, for others its being able to keep up with the kids.  Our physical demands are different, nutritional needs are different, and genetics can be night and day.  All is not fair in the world of health.  But there are 2 important facts that cannot be argued....1. Our bodies need fuel.  Whole, natural foods that come from nature...eating as natural as possible is the best choice.  Period.  2. Our bodies were meant to move.  We need physical activity to improve heart health and keep our bones and muscles strong and capable of life's demands.
Each person's portrait of optimal health may look different, but the point is that we are striving for our best selves...mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
I was truly thankful she shared her frustration...curse words and all.

Well, its time for bed.
I'll leave you with a few pictures from the shoot.  He let me have a sneak peak at a few before I get them all back :)

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Take It Off

The chicken I just cooked is unbelievable.  Its just chicken, I realize, but its the simple things in life like perfectly cooked poultry that one must learn to appreciate.  Right now, I am on a meat-high.  I've got my jazz music rolling and I am in my own little world....just me....chicken...salad...and Oscar, who is currently bathing questionable body parts in the middle of the kitchen.  Sort of fitting for this household honestly.  I wonder if he ever looks down and thinks "dang,...something is missing...hmmm...."

If I had a dollar for every male nipple I saw today I could make it rain on my entire cul-de-sac.  Apparently there was a shirt-less memo that went around this morning that I missed.  I saw more male chests and abs than I seen since spring break '02.  Every time I turned around someone had their shirt off....Brian...Garrett...Tyler...Zimm....Patrick....
Show me a line up of navels and I could correctly identify each of them.  Wow, my life just reached a new low.

Workout was awesome today.  I had shoulders and core.  It was a brutal shoulder circuit, and I was shocked at how much energy I had even through the cardio.  Gotta love days like that.

Well, it was a solid day with clients and I was thrilled to hear that several people were truly getting back on track in regards to food/nutrition.  Yes, vacation can set you back a couple of weeks if you're not careful, but why keep in that downward spiral?  Ask yourself this....Where am I headed with this?  If you're eating poorly, not exercising, and putting on weight, guess what?  You're headed for more of the same, which will only produce further discouragement.  Suck it up, accept where you are now, and commit to move forward.  If you're waiting for it to get easy, it won't.  If you're waiting for someone to push you, they may not.  Take responsibility for your own health and be bold enough to spark change.
That's my moment-of-passion for the evening ;)

Its 9pm and I have so much to do before hump day.  Make it a great one.  Keep moving forward!!

Monday, July 9, 2012

Victory.....and Chafing...

Well, its official.
I made it 4 weeks without chewing gum.
Unbelievable. 
I honestly wasn't sure if I could do it after the first 3 days.  If you recall, I was pretty much ready to punch my best friend and sell my cat during day 2.  Now, I don't really think about it.  Funny how that works.  BUT, it is certainly proof that we can train our bodies out of poor habits and into healthier ones with a little determination and struggle.  Imagine that...
Will I go back?  Eh, probably not.  Which, I curse Zimm for just a little bit because this happened last year during our bet.  I gave up my afternoon coffee for one month and it completely broke me of the habit.  Not going to lie, I've got a stash in the pantry that would give me lockjaw in a matter of minutes, but I have no intention of breaking in there like the gum whore I once was.  I might have to give this whole moderation thing a try ;)  We shall see...
As always Zimm, thank you for the challenge...I have a love/hate relationship with this aspect of "the summer tour"...mainly love.

On the same line of giving-something-up-for-the-sake-of-self-improvement, my girl Lora is now 5 days without coke.  Let me clarify,...not the illegal form.  I just read that first sentence and realized it looked like I train felons.  I might, but I'd rather not know it.  No, I'm talking about the brown, sugar and chemical infested coca-cola.  As a competitive marathon runner, I was blown away to find out she sucks these things down like water. 
I know you are reading this Lora, and so help you God if you drive through McDonald's tomorrow...hard part is nearly over!
5 days sober...very proud.
As for the rest of you sitting there chugging soda and "purple drink", I hope it makes you sick.  Literally.  Its horrible for you.
Wow, I've reached a whole new non-empathetic level tonight...

Great day at work.  Long day. 
I was absolutely pumped to lift heavy again today.  I had back and triceps and then finished with some cardio.  I could tell my body was still a little tired, but I was thrilled to hit the weights hard.  Shocker.

I made the mistake of wearing pants to work today.
I don't know what I was thinking.  I was sweating profusely by the afternoon, and even standing in front of a fan was very little relief.  I wanted shorts....while standing over a vent....blasting on high...nearly giving me frostbite.
For those of you who don't sweat and merely "glow", I don't like you.  My pits don't like you.  I watch you people and wonder how in the world your sweat glands are that dysfunctional.  Bottom line: I am slightly envious.
In the meantime, I will stick to my deodorant and my non-dri-fit dri-fit shirts and wait until Mother Nature is not so pissed off as to leave us all with 2nd degree burns and horrible chafing scars.

Monday DONE...rest up, new day tomorrow folks!

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Up Early.........Really Early...

Holy crap I am tired.
Its 10am and I've already done my photoshoot, went grocery shopping, and washed a load of laundry.  Yes, you read that correctly.  My day started eeeaarrllyy.

We decided to do the shoot at the gym, so that meant it had to be completely pitch black in there.  Sooo, we met at 4am.....which meant I left the house at 3:30....which meant I was up at 2:30 doing hair and make-up.  Other than hookers, I was the only person up at that hour strapping on fake lashes.  Gluing those stupid things on ranks up there with the rubik's cube.  After 15 minutes and a few swear words those lashes weren't going anywhere.  I might leave them on for the next 4 days....just in case....of what, I'm not exactly sure...
It was a great shoot, and I will post some pics when I get them back!

It may not have been a competition, but it was a short-term goal to reach.  I busted my butt the last 12 weeks to decrease the size of my legs (muscle and fat), increase my shoulders, and drop overall weight for better proportion.  It was an interesting combination of goals that made my training/nutrition plan a little tricky, but I was pleased overall.  I dropped 1.5" in each thigh, 2.5" in the rear, and 9 pounds total by shoot time this morning. 
My goals are perhaps slightly more detailed than most, and I don't generally recommend getting that caught up in a ton of numbers.  It can get obsessive if you're not careful.
Ah,...time for a day of rest.  I will enjoy a few foods I haven't had in the last couple of months, a glass of wine, and a full 8 hours of coma-like sleep.  Honestly, I'm probably most excited about the sleep.

Lastly, a warm birthday wish to my wonderful sister-in-law!!  She is an amazing woman who inspires me on so many levels.  I consider it a blessing to call her sister and a dear dear friend.  Happy Birthday Kelly, I love you!!

Thursday, July 5, 2012

More Gifts and Post-Firework-Bloat

Today felt like Monday #2.
I pretty much woke up in a fog, and remained there until about 11am.  Client after client walked in today complaining of being bloated and hungover from July 4th festivities.  I have little sympathy and find it very ironic that we celebrate our freedom by stuffing our face and bonging beer like we're still 21 and stupid. 
I'm probably just a little bitter because my July 4th was uneventful.
Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed getting things done around the house and then running errands, however, it was certainly not the typical July 4th.  Usually I'm at the beach or pool, but neither of those were an option...first, because I didn't feel like driving to the coast, and second, our pool was closed because some kid thought the 2ft was also a toilet. 
He probably lost a few friends yesterday.  Sat in timeout.  Contemplated what he did.  And then plotted to do it again before summer is over.
And I confidently say "he" because there's a 99.99% chance it was a boy. 
Crappy timing.
Literally.
On a different note, today was my last weight workout before my shoot Saturday.  I've got a little cardio tomorrow, but nothing major.  My body is tired,...very tired.  And honestly, I was having big cravings today.  I know some of it has to do with the fact that I just need sleep, but the other is the fact that its hot as hell outside and fro-yo sounds amazing right now.  1 more day...

The highlight of my day came when Kelly and the girls stopped by.  They weren't even there 2 minutes before I was assisting Payton on pull-ups in the squat rack.  She was repping them out like a champ....looks like we've got another meathead in the fam ;)

They came by to give me my official birthday gift from Payton and Haven.  Honestly, those girls could have farted in the bag and I would have loved it.

First, was a travel mug with their pictures on it (in outfits I gave them)...

And second was a personalized to-do list...unbelievable.  It was an OCDgasm.  Love it.


What an awesome day.
Now its time for some shut-eye and ready to roll tomorrow.  Have a great night folks!

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Stars, Stripes, and Sweat

I started my freedom-celebration this morning by sleeping in til 6.  I'm clearly living life on the edge.

4th of July is usually family vacation time, but this year its coming a month later.  August on the beach will feel like a sauna.  No need for me to swim in the ocean, no, I will be swimming in my own pool of sweat.  That's pretty much how that week will go down.  Either way, I can't wait.  My entire family in one house...the stories to follow will be epic....and I will need more therapy...

Yesterday was a great day in the gym.  Long day, but good day.  I had a couple of breakdowns, but those are honest moments and true wake-up calls, and thus good.  It is definitely hard for me to hear a woman get emotional about hating to look in the mirror.  That is tough to hear.  While I can encourage them until I'm blue in the face, at the end of the day THEY come face to face with their own perspective and that ultimately becomes their reality. 
The ultimate goal is not for them to wake up one day and never deal with insecurities again.  That's unrealistic.  Instead, its to cultivated a desire for health in every aspect of their life that sparks habit-change and gives them skills to manage those insecure moments.  I use the word "health" because this struggle is not limited to overweight/obese individuals.  I've worked with numerous ladies battling eating disorders who face the exact same self-destructing demon just in a different form.  Truth is, whether you're 30 pounds overweight or 30 pounds underweight, looking in the mirror with disdain is an unhealthy place to be.
We're always going to be hard on ourselves.  However, there is a difference in the internal push or drive we muster up in tough moments, and the downward spiral of negative self-talk. 
We were not made to be our own adversaries. 

* * *

I've already checked off 4 things from the to-do list today.  I'm on a roll.  OCD in 5th gear today folks...happy 4th to me.  The plan is to finish a few things around the house and then hit the gym for some legs/abs.  My hamstrings just recovered from Friday's workout, so this will be interesting.  Tomorrow will be my last lifting day before the shoot on Saturday.  Friday I'll do a little bit of cardio and then hunt down my mom to paint the tan on my back.  I can pretty much reach everything else...then she gets the honors of painting my backside.  Saved the best for you mom.  Love you.
I am looking forward to Saturday, but it will be exhausting.  And yes, I will have a glass of wine that night.  Its been 5 weeks....it might only take 1.

So here's to July 4th!  Enjoy your day with family, friends, or by yourself if that's how you want to celebrate your independence.  I get it.
Have a great hump day :)

Monday, July 2, 2012

Down For The Count...

Its the start of week 4 of no gum.
Honestly, I hardly think about it anymore.  Well, until I was standing in line at Lowes Foods yesterday and Extra chewing gum was 10 for $5.  You would have thought I was stocking up for Armageddon.  No, I didn't chew any, but they are in my pantry just waiting for me...
I hid them in the back like I was hiding vodka from my kids. 
I don't have kids.
Thus, I don't hide vodka.
I hide gum.
From myself.
Its sad.

Long day at the gym.
Typical Monday, but I was pretty spent by 2pm.  As I said yesterday, I am excited to report numerous victories from a handful of clients.  I received several texts this weekend of people fitting in old clothes that were once snug, finally feeling confident, sticking to the plan, losing weight after a non-budging scale, etc...it was awesome.  Very proud of you ladies ;)

Ok, topic of the day was definitely the Olympic trials....more specifically the infamous uneven bar face-plant.   When Nastia Liukin ate mat last night I was basically glued to the tv after that.  Yes, it was horrible, but it was still a face-plant.  Being the horrible person I am about stuff like that, I was longing for a replay.  If she'd been seriously injured it would be a different story.  But she wasn't.  She got back on the horse and rode into the wind.
I, on the other hand would have faked a concussion and laid there until either the paramedics came or I passed out from lack of oxygen while my head stayed buried in the floor.  Those gymnasts don't play around though.  But the commentating sometimes pisses me off.  Here's a 15 year old girl who hasn't hit a growth spurt since the 90's, running full speed to do some freakishly amazing flip off a vault, and they say "that was so close, but do you see where her feet came apart right there...mmm...disappointing performance."  What?  Feet apart?  My God, she just went in and out of fetal position 6 times while rotating clockwise and waving to the crowd.  Screw your 7/10 of a point deduction.  I give her 5 points for being crazy enough to try it, and another 10 for not dieing in the process.
This is probably why I'm not a judge.

Well, I've got a couple of salads to make for tomorrow, a gym bag to pack, and more Olympic madness to watch.  Big workout day tomorrow.  Game time folks...mind right!

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Surprise Party and Missing Feline

Its pretty much past my bedtime and yet I am stuck watching these gals do flips on a 4" beam like its nothing.  If that were a sobriety test, I'd fail.  Every time.  Last time I pretended I was a gymnast it was 1991 and I was on the railing of our deck.  Apparently, I was not Shannon Miller as I thought.  5 minutes later I'm laying in the yard screaming bloody murder because my arabesque turned into a 6ft face plant and a broken wrist. 
My gymnastic days were over.
Idiot.

What a weekend.  It was the official birthday weekend for yours truly, and it started Friday in what I thought would just be a quiet day of shopping and then dinner.  Welllll, not so much.  As I was getting ready to head to the Nike store (mouth watering), I discovered that Ryan left the front door open and Oscar was missing.  I freaked.  I looked everywhere and sure enough he was gone.
This cat has not been outside in 4 years.  He's been spoiled, pampered, and everything else in the time we've had him, so to think that he was out there on his own seriously made me sick to my stomach.  And what horrible timing for this to happen on my birthday!  Needless to say, I was upset all day.  We put out food and hoped for the best.

Well, the day rolled on and Ryan said to be ready for dinner at 6:15.  To get in the car and not know where in the world we were going sort of freaked me out.  I was a kidnapping victim in my own car.  He thought it was funny to basically drive circles for 40 minutes.  You can imagine the restraint I practiced not to just go off and backhand him.  But by the end of the ride I knew we were headed to my brother's house.  It was a surprise party with my family and a few close friends.  Honestly, it was perfect.  It was like Christmas....minus Jesus...and more about me.  So basically not Christmas...
Mom decided to put up pictures from my mullet/perm days.  That was awesome.  Everyone needs to be reminded of the "ugly years"....thanks mom.
And then there was the "cake" that my brother came up with....

They thought it would go to waste.  Yeah right.  I won't waste good poultry.  I brought it home....ate every bit of it.  Boom.

Mom has also developed this sneaky way of decluttering her own house.  Her method is to wrap up our old stuff and play the this-used-to-be-yours-and-is-sentimental-so-take-it card.  Clever.  But truly, it is sweet.  Friday she wrapped up my old ballet slippers...


Maybe one day she'll find my old hamster.

Well, it was a long weekend that ended on a high note.  Oscar returned home at 3am this morning.  Soaking wet and covered in leaves.  He's still recovering and moving really slow, but we are thrilled to have that feline back!

New week.  Busy week.
I'm ready to get back to work tomorrow and be with my peeps.  I've got some great stories to come of client successes...
Receiving excited texts of their victories is a great feeling, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.  Very cool.

Night folks!  Full steam ahead on this week.  Keep moving forward... :)