Twerk at Work

Honestly, one of my favorite things is receiving a completely random text from a friend with no preface, no heads up, nothing to prepare me for what I'm about to read. 
I pick up my phone, look down, and the thought process usually goes something like this:
"...holy crap, now that's funny!.......slightly offensive, just not to me......there is seriously something wrong with them......eh, and that's exactly why we're friends..."
Everytime.
I had a couple texts today that left my face cramping from laughing so hard, while questioning whether or not they still had a line of decency...

I had another evaluation today....and had to hold myself back from shaking the man until he saw stars.  He wanted my guidance for a program he could do on his own and needed to lose at least another 25-30 pounds.
My favorite line was "So, you'll make my program and if I don't see my results in 2 weeks, I'll call you."
Uhhh,... might as well workout those phalanges and put me on speed dial to save time buddy.  2 weeks?  I nearly laughed in his face, but refrained with every ounce of will power I could muster.  But I'd be lying if I said he was the first to be completely ridiculous.  I hear it more often than I'd like.
To be totally honest, a lot of it boils down to lack of patience and a surplus of laziness.
We want what we want and we want it right now.  And a "willingness to work for it" isn't always correlated to the process.  Unbelievable.
Thus, I spend the next 20 minutes bringing people out of this weird bubble they live in where fat is zapped without moving and eating habits are someone else's fault. 
My sanity is somewhat lost along the way...

My day ended with a middle-aged couple asking me what "twerking" was. 
Never a dull moment.  I am generally prepared for most questions, but this was a first.
There was absolutely no way I was about to demonstrate (although tempting),...so there I was trying to verbally describe what should never be verbally described...ever....but they can't say they didn't learn something new today.
So I'm sorry,...and you're welcome.

That's all I got....long day ahead tomorrow......no twerking involved.