Santa, I Can Explain...

Monday grind.
It was back to a "normal" day at the gym....as normal as you can imagine.
After a long, busy weekend I felt as if I were thrown back in the game without a helmet...or cup...if I were to need one.  Actually, life is a mess...everyone needs one.
Strap in and hang on.

My weekend actually began on Friday as Kelly, mom, and I headed to Greensboro for the Holiday Market....5 hours of shopping in the coliseum.  It was unreal....women breaking out the horrible Christmas sweaters, taste-testing every kind of peanut known to man, buying at least 3 things for myself before I spent on anyone else....the usual.
Sparkles got to meet Santa.
Pretty much the second best day of her life.
First being June 29, 1983.  (Assumed, not fact).
Needless to say, she was loving every second of it.  Moth to a flame.  I swear I think she squealed a few times.  Yes, my mom squeals.  Let's not talk about it.

 We had an absolute blast, capped it off with a gals-night dinner, and then it was full-force into a busy 2 days ahead.

Saturday was Susie's big day on the stage.
I made it out back to Greensboro for the prejudging, and was thrilled with her presentation.  She walked out with confidence, nailed her poses, and I truly think felt good about everything.  As I watched of course my mind drifted back to my last few competitions, the stress, and all that it entails.  It is no small endeavor, and pretty much consumes every aspect of your lifestyle.  And I think people are often amazed by how much it effects them mentally throughout the entire process.  You're essentially subjecting yourself to a panel of opinions,....so effort off the stage does not determine the winner.  There is no direct correlation.  You give it your best and that's it.  Some people have more of an edge than others.
If there's one thing I try to reiterate to competitors its that ultimately they cannot step on that stage seeking some sort of validation.  You must be confident in your preparation, and understand that its a subjective competition.
Easier said than done, I know.
At the end of the day, I was beyond proud of Susie for all that she's put in over the last 5 months.  Now its back to the drawing board and setting new goals...

On a random holiday note,....my tree is up and decorated.
Boom.
Go ahead and hate a little bit.  When I informed my best friend of this, I was quickly met with disgust.  I would expect nothing less...
 Oscar doesn't know what in the heck is going on, but he will marinate under that tree like a honeybaked ham.  That feline loves it.

8:30...I will be in bed in 20 minutes.  Happy Monday to me.
 Night folks!

Showtime

I'm not sure what it is about Friday mornings now, but I am pretty much incapable of sleeping past 4am.  I've been up since 3.  My brain started rolling through my "to-do" list of emails as if I was on speed.  Its beyond absurd.  I need sleep, and yet there I was sucking down my first cup of coffee by 3:30.
The only other people up at this time are drunk college kids and menopausal women with insomnia.
Not sure where I fit in that spectrum.
I've reached a new low.

The bright side of this is that I've already cleaned my house.  But let's be honest, no one can completely appreciate a clean house before 9am because they're too in awe of the fact that you've been up for the past 6 hours and actually think you're an idiot.
Its fine, I get it.

I look like I got hit by a bus.
Happy Friday.


On a much more positive note, I had an AWESOME day of work yesterday.
I had a couple of new golfers, and it absolutely makes my day to watch someone genuinely have a motivating, eye-opening experience in the gym.
It fuels me.
This one particular man has dealt with back pain and tightness while playing for years, and all he wanted was to feel better, stronger, and actually enjoy the game he loved.  It was almost as if he'd resigned himself to the notion that with age comes chronic pain and discomfort during EVERY activity.  Very defeating notion to adopt.
We went over posture issues, core positioning, etc and 15 minutes later here was a nearly 70 year old man doing a straight leg deadlift pain-free in perfect form.  He felt great and like an absolute success after that hour.
That truly made my day and left me pretty darn fired up.  Dangerous.

That led me into my workout, which was a stark contrast to last Thursday's lifting session.  I felt great....awake, strong, and not completely ready to bang my head against the wall during cardio.  Overall, great day in the gym.

Busy weekend ahead.
One of my clients has her first Figure competition on Saturday, so I am headed to that in Greensboro.  She's excited, tired, anxious, pumped,...all of the above.  Its been a long and yet short 5 months of workout/nutrition preparation all leading up to this day.  But she is ready.  In her moments of anxiety, I was reminded of my life in the midst of one competition prep right after another....what a roller coaster.
Yes, I loved the stage.  But there are times when the constant self-critique and fear of "not being good enough" was strong enough to nearly break you.
I totally get it.
I've enjoyed being on this side of competing this go-round. 
So here we go Susie.
Game time. :)

Well, hell, its not even 7am.  What to do....what to do....
Have a great Friday folks!

This is it...

I smell horrible.
I've got 7 coats of Protan on and haven't worn deodorant in 2 days...for the record, I'm a sweater, so this is not an optimal situation for me, or anyone around me.  I seriously felt bad for the couple standing behind me in Sam's Club today.  For starters, they were probably wondering why my face was about 10 shades whiter than the rest of my body.  Then once they gave up trying to figure that out, they were curious as to why I smelled like a combination of rubbing alcohol and a locker room.  I just turned and smiled....they hated me...and since they were buying a 5 gallon tub of mayo that will contribute to the triple bypass surgery my tax dollars will pay for, the feeling was mutual...

I swear I spent at least 3 hours in the car today.  I didn't plan my day very well, (I left the paint at my parents house), and decided I needed to throw on 2 extra coats at 8:30 this morning.  I don't do "spontaneous"  too well, so at that point I was not only freaking out that I would need more paint than expected, but on the verge of an anxiety attack simply because it threw me off schedule.  I'm beyond irrational right now...story of my life.  Ryan hasn't been around the house too much, which is completely understandable.  I'm moments away from going nuts on him, and just one shade away from being charged for it under a different ethnicity.  

On another note, the past 2 days have brought such a wide range of emotion.  One really threw me for a loop yesterday though.  I was driving down the highway and I started tearing up...which usually only happens if someone passes gas with the heat on.  But there I was, alone, (no gas...shocking), and fighting back these random tears.  But I soon discovered where they came from.  So here goes...
The significance of this weekend finally hit me.  When I "left the stage" 5 years ago, I was a mess...I was depressed and dealing with some very serious and overwhelming issues that I assumed were fueled by the competing itself.  It wasn't, and I was wrong, but I never addressed those things before diving head first into something so consuming, subjective, and mentally hard as figure competitions.  I was angry with myself and just wanted OUT.  I honestly thought that getting out of that world would solve my problems.  HA.  I threw away all my trophies and truly thought I would never return.  The truth was that once I forced myself to confront some deep seeded struggles and self-perceptions that were in fact false, I could look at competing in a whole new light.  I could compete from a very honest place, and not hide behind someone who was just trying to run from everything. 

So for me to step back on the very stage I left 5 years ago is huge in itself.  It means that struggles are real, but so is healing.  And it means that who you were in the past does not have to hinder or determine who you are today.  I do believe everything works together...and I think that the events of 5 years ago were a catalyst.  Sure it forced me into some dark days, but those eventually faded and now I stand a much different woman.  So perhaps my tears in the car yesterday were more so for myself...for the old me, who thought she'd always struggle...and for the new me, who proved otherwise.

With all that said, I am going into show day with a good peace of mind.  Whether or not I'm what the judges are looking for, we'll find out.  I've done the work, so all I have left is presentation. 

And I do want to say thank you.  So many of you have faithfully encouraged me along the way...I sincerely appreciate every word...every thought.  Next time I post I hope to have great news and perhaps a beer in hand.  What?  Its been 7 months and 3 major holidays (which means family events) and I have yet to drink...I'm due...well overdue.

Alright folks...game time...

Streaking...

3am and you would've thought an internal siren went off.  I was wide awake and seriously about to get up and just start cleaning something...because what else is there to do at 3am?  My mind was racing, and it truly had to do with the competition.  Its literally JUST around the corner, but there I was having a mental freak-out too early to even justify getting up to do anything about it!...What a nut job.  I eventually fell back asleep and got up at 5:50...way to sleep in Mer.  At that point I had to get up and start sucking down coffee like it was my job.  Because it is.

I was pretty pumped for my workout today.  I had shoulders, core, and sprints.  My legs felt pretty good so I wasn't necessarily dreading the sprints as much as usual.  I started with shoulders, and discovered that my "pump" will last about 30-35 minutes and then start to fade.  And its definitely more obvious in my shoulders than anywhere else.  Here's why this is important info....before you go onstage, you actually "pump up".  There are weights backstage and you literally stand back there in your ridiculous heels and nearly-thong and lift weights to get the blood flowing to your muscles so that you look "full" on stage.  But the thing is that the pump will only last so long...so its beneficial for me to know about how long I have so I'm not wasting time before I go on.  You learn something new everyday...there ya go.

Since my legs were feeling pretty good, I went for harder sprints on the legs.  I allowed a little more rest time between runs,...15 seconds on, 30 seconds rest, incline at 5, speed 11...20 minutes worth after a 5 minute warm-up.  Legs were spent and I was sucking wind by the end.  The last 4 minutes were probably some of the toughest I've had during any sprint workout.

Workout:
Seated DB shoulder press 4 x 10
Seated lateral raise (drop set 8/8) 4 sets
Front raise (drop set 8/8) 4 sets
Sit-ups, legs over bench 2 x 15
Sit-ups on BOSU 2 x 15
Reverse crunches 3 x 30 seconds
Oblique crunches on decline 2 x 20
Sprints 25 minutes

It was so nice to be done with today's workout.  I get 2 days to "breathe" if you will.  Tomorrow is cardio, rest on Sunday, back to the grind on Monday.

It was April Fool's Day today and yet I did not do ANYTHING.  What is wrong with me?!  The best one was in college when I got a guy to call my parents at midnight saying he was the campus police and I just got arrested for streaking.  Of course my parents immediately believed it.  I was always the naked kid of the group.  My mom was in tears and my dad was ready to ring my neck.  It was awesome.  I was not the favorite child for awhile after that one...oh but it was worth the laughs.  Today I just didn't have the motivation to put together a good scheme.  And you can't even joke about the whole pregnant thing...that will bite you in the rear every time.  Lie about it on April 1st,...find out you're the next Oct-o-mom 3 weeks later...

So, I'm going to a competition tomorrow morning to kind of "get in the mood"...its a smaller show that's actually being held at my old high school.  Nothing like starting off your Saturday with some half-naked strangers... That will be me in 2 weeks...yikes...

Alright peeps, time for bed....have a great weekend and we'll be back on go in 2 days...