Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Snowflakes and Regurgitated Cornflakes

Its snowing.
Yes, its pretty and I enjoy watching it fall, but I have a slightly different perspective on it than I did in school.  Crap simply doesn't get done when it snows around here.  No we don't truly know how to function in anything over 2 inches, and give us 6 and we'll pretty much show you how to shut a place down.
Its sad, but tis life in central NC.
And honestly, I have no desire to live anywhere that has brutal winters and forces me to put on enough layers to prevent any possibility of stripping down to use the bathroom in less than 30 seconds.  That sounds like a nightmare.  And a mess.

Speaking of mess...
This morning was insanely busy, and its always interesting to watch the dynamic of people in the gym.  At one point it was all men and I was literally swimming in testosterone. 
Room full of guys,...no talking.
2 hours later and it was all women, and if there is ever a moment of silence I'm checking pulses.  Otherwise, its me separating conversations like a hall monitor.  Everyone hated that kid.  I am that kid at least several times a day,....just in more spandex and somewhat more cynical than I was at age 7.
Shocking, I know.
Needless to say, everyone got in their workout, caught up with each other, and hopefully solved the world's problems between squat sets.  By the afternoon I was literally counting the minutes until my coffee was ready.  24 ounces of liquid sanity.
It was all fun and games until I had to test my custodian skills with the mop.
Yes, late afternoon greeted me with 5sq ft of someone else's vomit.  (I say that like mine would have been better,...lets be clear, it wouldn't have).  It was like in slow motion, and I'm not sure which is worse....watching it fall, hearing it hit the floor, or smelling it throughout the entire process...
Tough call, but generally the smell edges out on top.

Its been quite the day for stomach issues.
I personally thought I was going to die for about 30 minutes into my workout.  (Somewhat dramatic).  My stomach was killing me, and I know it was from pieces of celery in my food a few hours before.
I don't do celery.
Its a stalk.
A stalk that might as well be a small dose of hatred on my digestive system.  I literally could not stand up straight and it hurt to even touch my stomach.  It felt very similar to the time I went to the hospital in college because the on-campus doc thought I had appendicitis.
It wasn't.
But it took a $1000+ dollar visit, CAT scan, physical, and pap-smear to figure that out.  6 hours later I was released with a diagnosis of "trapped gas."  At least give it a cooler name.  Now I have to go back to my suite and explain my hypochondriac tendencies as related-but-not-limited-to my bowels.  Can't wait.  At 3am I was convinced it was a tumor...a possible consequence for unfortunate decisions that culminated over the last 19 years of my life.  This was my thought process at the time....(logic is all out the window when you feel like your belly button might explode and hope that when it does it completely knocks you out).
What an experience.
..."This too shall pass..." ....thankfully it applies to everything.
Well, I survived my workout and felt like a new woman by the time I hit the coffee pot...again...

On a more serious and positive note, I am thrilled about a piece I am putting together for parents...
I'll delve into the whole body-image madness that seems to consume our young people, girls in particular.  Its a topic I am truly passionate about because too often I see and mentor young females who are sadly lost amidst worthless expectations and ideals that merely chain them behind walls of insecurity and self-doubt.
Heartbreaking.
I'll have it out as soon as possible....Have a great night folks...


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