Twerk at Work

Honestly, one of my favorite things is receiving a completely random text from a friend with no preface, no heads up, nothing to prepare me for what I'm about to read. 
I pick up my phone, look down, and the thought process usually goes something like this:
"...holy crap, now that's funny!.......slightly offensive, just not to me......there is seriously something wrong with them......eh, and that's exactly why we're friends..."
Everytime.
I had a couple texts today that left my face cramping from laughing so hard, while questioning whether or not they still had a line of decency...

I had another evaluation today....and had to hold myself back from shaking the man until he saw stars.  He wanted my guidance for a program he could do on his own and needed to lose at least another 25-30 pounds.
My favorite line was "So, you'll make my program and if I don't see my results in 2 weeks, I'll call you."
Uhhh,... might as well workout those phalanges and put me on speed dial to save time buddy.  2 weeks?  I nearly laughed in his face, but refrained with every ounce of will power I could muster.  But I'd be lying if I said he was the first to be completely ridiculous.  I hear it more often than I'd like.
To be totally honest, a lot of it boils down to lack of patience and a surplus of laziness.
We want what we want and we want it right now.  And a "willingness to work for it" isn't always correlated to the process.  Unbelievable.
Thus, I spend the next 20 minutes bringing people out of this weird bubble they live in where fat is zapped without moving and eating habits are someone else's fault. 
My sanity is somewhat lost along the way...

My day ended with a middle-aged couple asking me what "twerking" was. 
Never a dull moment.  I am generally prepared for most questions, but this was a first.
There was absolutely no way I was about to demonstrate (although tempting),...so there I was trying to verbally describe what should never be verbally described...ever....but they can't say they didn't learn something new today.
So I'm sorry,...and you're welcome.

That's all I got....long day ahead tomorrow......no twerking involved.

Breastfeeding Fighter...

Just give me a horizontal surface and 15 extra minutes...

Out like a light.
I woke up in a daze to the sound of the vacuum, 4 texts, and the smell of lysol.  All I needed was a screaming child to appear and it would have been an all out sensory-overload meltdown.
My body was toast, and my mind wasn't far behind.

My workout didn't help at all...anytime I work my legs the afternoon feels like a blur.
But on a positive note, I was able to do back squats today without feeling like my sacrum was going to explode.  Huge progress.  Its been a loooong 7 months dealing with this problem, and humbling at times.  Wasn't long ago I'd squat 235 pain free,...today I was happy to do the damn bar.
Tis life.
Crawl before you walk or lay there and get trampled...

So I was searching online for workout gear the other day, and some of the shirts trip me out.  I can roll with the traditional Nike slogans (as seen above), but one's that say "Too Fast!" or "Can't Stop This!" just make me laugh.
I'm not a cheetah or a train,...shocking, I know....
I need to make my own t-shirts.
Yes, slightly edited.  Emphasis on slightly...

I had a handful of initial evaluations today, which are always interesting.
Every time I feel like I have heard it all, but somehow that is never the case.
After putting one woman through the physical assessment, we sat down to talk about goals, habits, etc.  Coming out of her second pregnancy, bed rest, and endless days of chaos I could tell she was simply ready to refocus and get back on track.
She leans in, gets all wide eyed and with a completely straight face....
"Meredith, I want you to hurt me.  I'm dead serious.  I'm not afraid to cry.  Not crazy about vomit, but I want you to hurt me."
I sat there unsure of what to say at first because I literally thought oh my god, she wants to be the next female UFC champ and ironically still breastfeeding.....would she pump between rounds?...what is the protocol for that?
 Finally, I smiled and assured her that tears, vomit, or any other bodily fluids for that matter would not offend or scare me. 
Mom says I lack compassion.....ehhh, I'm not getting paid to play patty-cake or snuggle, (as should no one no matter spooning ability).  However, I am very much aware of peoples' limits, and when someone opens the door to "what they want", well by God strap on your helmet, game on.
She starts next week.

Well, I just ate enough salmon to last me 3 days and need to get in bed asap.  Tomorrow is a long day that will begin at 3:45.
Here we go...